Philippine Airlines

Self-admittedly, I am a complete and total wuss when it comes to plane travel. I freak out and completely overreact at the slightest bump once we are airborne and assume that we are about to go down in a dramatic and fiery manner. 

However, that doesn't mean I haven’t been through flights that people without a deadly fear of flying also considered terrifying. I’ve been on more planes in my life than I can easily recall without perusing old emails containing flight details and asking my parents about trips I took during my youth. The point is, I’ve been on a lot of planes and I’ve experienced a lot of turbulence. None of the aforementioned turbulence could have prepared me for what I experienced during my flight from Tokyo to Manila last week.

I enjoyed Philippine Air the first time I flew with them to Japan about six months ago now. They served a piping hot meal even on a short flight, they showed a HILARIOUS safety video, and provided excellent customer service throughout the entire trip. So, I was content with having chosen them a second time to fly from Tokyo to Bangkok with a layover in Manila. My face lit up like a Christmas tree when they informed me at the airport that I was allowed to check not only one but FOUR bags for free with them (I only had two to check, but still). Even as a Mileage Plus member with United, I am still only allowed to check one bag for international flights without having to pay an insane fee.

Perhaps, however, their lenient baggage allowance on my flight was one of the contributing factors leading to the most terrifying voyage of my entire life. I honestly think that the plane was immensely overweight and caused it to have such problems in the sky. Also a possible factor was the fact that we were seated in the very back of the plane. As in, row 75 of about 80. Even when we were on the ground, there were some terrifying noises coming from the bottom of the plane. As we took off, my hands almost immediately began shaking, and essentially didn't stop until we landed. I was utterly convinced that the plane was going to go down after the first horrifying bout of turbulence. 

For once in my life while recounting a plane ride, I am NOT exaggerating. At one point after takeoff, the plane dipped so far down that it felt like, as my boyfriend described it, the pilot dropped the joystick for a moment. I began trembling and crying, and couldn't even begin to comprehend that we still had four hours of flight time remaining.

I knew that the descent would be bad, but I could never have imagined just how bad. The drops, dips, and violent shaking of the plane made our previous ride on Space Mountain a few days prior seem like a relaxing Sunday cruise. A baby began screaming at the top of his lungs for the last bumpy hour of the flight, adequately reflecting my own emotions. All of the passengers on the plane gasped multiple times as the plane bounced up and down violently.

Needless to day, I honestly considered staying in the Philippines for the remainder of my life to avoid ever getting on another plane.

I do LOVE the airport in Manila. It is so ridiculously unofficial, and therefore wonderfully amusing. Upon arrival, since we were transferring to another flight, we were asked to enter the “transfer room” and have a seat on the “transfer couch” while two agents shoveling down chocolate cake took a quick glance at our boarding passes. Once they finished their cake and did nothing else, they asked us to follow them down a few hallways and to our gate. Thankfully, the flight to Bangkok from Manila was nice and smooth!

Um, That's MY Seat!

So the fact that I splurged on a keyboard for my iPad just so I can blog about my journey truly shows my level of dedication to my readers. You all better be appreciative. However, there really is no way for you to express your sentiments of gratitude since this whole blogging thing is so one-sided. I honestly feel while I write these that I am writing for no one. So it turns out that it is extremely over-the-top complex to use an apostrophe on this keyboard, so do not expect too many contractions.

Okay, this first story about my trip to India is a mundane little anecdote, but it kicked off my first flight by setting me in an irritated mood. So, I picked window seats for both legs of this trip (do trips have other appendages too?) because being stuck in the middle seat of the middle row on a 14 hour trip sounds like my idea of what Hell. So for Denver to Newark, my seat assignment was 24A, and from Newark to Delhi it is 26A. I mixed them up in my head so I got all snug in 26A only to be disturbed about 10 minutes later by a little gnat of a woman telling me that I was in HER seat. I may be imagining this, but she even stuck out her hip and raised an eyebrow upon sharing this gem of information with me.

The thing that really rubbed me the wrong way about this whole situation was that we were BOTH traveling alone, so who the hell cares who sits in 24A and who sits in 26A? It would be a completely different scenario if it were a mother trying to sit with her child or something. The next thing that angered me was that me designated seat, 24A, which was her option since I accidentally stole her seat, is CLOSER to the door anyway!

I am trying to have a positive attitude about this upcoming 14-hour flight. It is inevitable, so I may as well try and enjoy it, so I am looking at it this way: they have about 10 movies available that I yearned to see in theaters but did not get a chance to. Heck, I just got done watching August: Osage Country (I have not figured out how to use italics on the iPad, sorry grammar police) and will have the opportunity to watch about 5 more movies for the low, low price of... oh yeah, my plane ticket. But I will also get free wine, and that cannot hurt (wow, I wanted to write "cant" so badly there...dang keyboard...).

Though they did not even offer peanuts, I am pretty happy about United offering free movies on flights under four hours. Most airlines do not do that anymore. I mean, what the heck do those other companies expect their passengers to do? Read a book? WHATT? United also has Grammar Girl available to listen to! Awesome! Well, for grammar nerds like me anyhow. One other thing I like about United is their safety video. Basically, the over-enthusiastic narrator should just point out that we are all screwed if we go down. For every scenario, it should play out like this: "In the event of a water landing, chances you will make it are slim to none" or "in the event of any other kind of landing, you will most likely be incinerated by the fire and possible explosion caused by the crash." Wow, looks like my positive attitude has dissipated there... sorry, I will try and rekindle it.

I did enjoy the expressions on the faces of the actors in that video. The girl showing us how to put on our life jackets in the event of the water landing in which we would likely perish had a huge grin on her face implying she was about to go on another hot date with the promising man she met on Match.com. Yeah, not the best acting job. If she knew she was about to plunge into the icy ocean and get devoured by sharks, I think her expression would be a bit different. Unless she just popped some anti-anxiety meds.

See? All of this fantastic free time has enabled me to do so much already, and it has only been about two hours. Just imagine the long, ranting blogs that will await you after my flight to Delhi! The pics below: Denver sky, New York, and the barely visible Statue of Liberty.

Fear of Flying

Despite how much I do it, I am still beyond terrified of plane travel. The slightest bump and I instantly panic and brace myself for the end as my life flashes before my eyes like an emotional graduation slideshow. My aerospace engineers have tried to explain turbulence to me in "simple" terms (or, at least what they consider to be simple terms...). They have equated it to driving over a pothole. I've looked up online how planes fly. The unnatural idea that a gigantic metal vessel can physically fly through the air still completely unnerves me. I always try to remember the words of a former seat neighbor of mine when he tried to calm me down during a turbulent flight: "do you think the pilot WANTS the plane to crash?? No!" Such words of wisdom. It's not like turbulence is a harmless thing, either. In the news about a month ago there was a story about a United flight that experienced such intense turbulence that a woman was thrown from her seat and cracked the ceiling with her head. What??

This may as well be written in Chinese

Let's be honest, dying in a plane crash would have to be the worst way to go. The pre-death anxiety and the long, drawn out process of falling from such an altitude could probably induce a heart attack (at least things would end that way before hitting the ground). Dying next to strangers would make the whole thing exponentially worse- at least if you were traveling with friends and family you would be dying in good company and could commiserate about all the things you wish you'd done in your life that was cut way too short, or make any confessions that were plaguing your conscience. Although you would probably become fast friends with a stranger beside you if you both knew it was the end.

It doesn't help that a Malaysia Airlines plane went missing a few days ago, carrying 239 passengers and crew all assumed to be dead unless other evidence presents itself, making it the deadliest crash in 13 years. What positive news to read right before embarking on a 16 hour flight to India! I mean, this plane DISAPPEARED. No trace! That's not only terrifying, but creepy as well. The only thing that would make a plane crash worse would be if it were caused by some sort of foul play like terrorists or alien abductions. I don't want my life to end in some sort of Amelia Earhart, Bermuda triangle scenario leaving everyone wondering about my death and causing investigative reporters to make a 60 Minutes special about the lost United Airlines flight to New Delhi in 2014.

So, T-minus four days until I leave, and this is my larges apprehension once I leave. Only once I have made it from the gate in the USA to the gate in New Dehli will I heave a sigh of relief.