Public Restroom Faucets

Easily one of the most irritating devices with which the typical person comes in contact every day is the public restaurant faucet. You would think that with so many variations of this piece of plumbing they wouldn't make you want to rip your hair out to the extent they do. This blog is dedicated to berating the models of faucets out there in public restaurants.

1) The Automatic Laser Faucet
This offender number one may not have ended up on my most-hated list if it actually worked. Instead, I swear I can hear it laugh a maniacal robotic cackle as it makes us all look like idiots flailing and waving around like we are suffering from an epileptic seizure.

We all know how well this a$$hole works....

2) The Never-Stays-On-Long-Enough Faucet
This faucet can be a subcategory of any of the other faucets. This little gem leaves your hands soapy and requires that you restart it about six times too many. I want to meet whomever the timer is based off of. I imagine it is some pouty little kid who refused to sing the recommended mental song "twinkle twinkle little star" while washing his or her hands as it takes that long to kill some germs.


3) The One Temperature Faucet
Of course, the one, unadjustable temperature is never an ideal lukewarm- it is always searing hot and risks singeing the skin off your hand or so cold you could swear an ice chunk just hit your palm. Does its designer not realize that public restaurant users like OPTIONS? I'm assuming he/she wasn't an American consumer.

Come on, we like OPTIONS, one temperature faucet!

4) The "You Have to Continuously Push it So it Stays On" Faucet
Who ever thought this model was logical? This one is actually an offender that could be placed in multiple categories- it usually only has one push button that you have to hold down the whole time and has one, unadjustable temperature. Of course, it also never stays on long enough so it is one of those as well. This one should probably jump to the spot of public enemy number one for being so unbearably awful. It makes almost as much of a fool out of its user as the laser faucet if not more so. I assume I am not the sole user who has tried to hold the button down with my elbow while pretzeling my arms around to get my hands under the stream of water. We all know how well that works (about as well as trying to lick your elbow. Elbows are just useless...).

I hate this thing more than I can express

Simply atrocious design

There's my little rant about public restroom faucets. Up next: a rant about public toilets and soap dispensers. Just kidding- although those are also irritating.

Enough to Say About Enough Said

Rotten Tomatoes let me down like a bad friend the other day when I trusted its 95% review of Enough Said to the point I was willing to drop $8.75 (the "discounted" matinee price) to see it in theaters. I suppose Rotten Tomatoes cannot be solely blamed for the over-rating of this film. I let my guard down and raised my expectations which, in retrospect, was a grave error on my part. I should continue to expect the worst of the worst as I have previously- a tactic which allows the complete evasion of disappointment.

Okay, okay- maybe I am getting a wee bit dramatic (like a 15-year-old girl whose mother just forbade her from going to prom with high school senior jock Shane Jackson after she discovered that he got busted with pot at the last football game). There were redeeming factors sprinkled among the array of average cinematic elements. My already well-established lady crush on Julia Louis-Dreyfus (is she related to Richard Dreyfus? Or is his spelled Dreyfuss? I could look it up but I am too lazy to bring my hand all the way to the search bar in the upper right corner) somehow managed to grow more than I thought possible. Her perfect portrayal of Elaine alone in Seinfeld was reason enough to watch every episode of that show. Something about her charming, over-zealous smile, quirky sense of humor and radiation of self-confidence is immensely endearing- characteristics that she carried over well from the role of Elaine to the role of Eva in Enough Said. Okay, lesbian moment over. Sorry about that, guys.

How could you not fall in love with this quirky, sexy lady??

Quick plot summary: Eva (Louis-Dreyfus) is a divorced, self-employed masseuse with clients ranging from elderly men with bad breath overly excited during her massages to chatty-Cathy Momzillas who never shut up about their children and social lives. One evening, she accompanies her Australian therapist friend (Toni Collette-actually, her character might be English in this movie) and her husband to a party where she meets a new client, Marianne (Catherine Keener) and a man named Albert (James Gandolfini) with whom she briefly converses about how they both have daughters about to head to college and both find no one at the party attractive (though clearly, Albert wants Eva as he asks Australian therapist's husband for her digits later. Whatever, I'm getting nitpicky). Anyway, he calls Eva and she agrees to go out with him even though he is a bit "flabby" and not attractive in the "traditional sort of way" (in other words, he has a beer belly and a receding hairline). She takes awhile to warm up to him, but their first date is enjoyable for them and enjoyable to watch as well- I found myself awkwardly laughing out loud during those scenes (but at least I was in good company and not laughing alone to the distaste of the rest of the audience). The conversations between Eva and Albert during the first half or so of the movie are immensely entertaining and one of the best saving graces of the film.

Eventually, as their relationship progresses, so does Eva's relationship with the client she met at the same party at which she met Albert. The two ladies begin discussing the fluffy topics that ladies typically discuss- their former marriages, their current relationships, their daughters and jobs. Most notably, Marianne rambles about how awful her ex-husband is. This may be a spoiler, but I'm pretty sure they give it away in the trailer so I'm just going to say it: Eva's female client ends up being Albert's ex-wife. Plot twist! Didn't see that coming! Eva doesn't know what to do since she allegedly values both relationships and also wants to find out more about Albert's shortcomings although in doing so, she simply poisons her own mind against him. Do they end up together? Do they not? I won't give that away because then there really wouldn't be a point in seeing it even when it comes out on Netflix.

Much to my displeasure, the writers interwove a strange, unfinished plot thread through the tapestry of the main events of the film, and the fact that they left it hanging irritated me just as an actual thread hanging off a tapestry (or off a shirt- that is a more realistic scenario) would. Chloe (Tavi Gevinson, who looks exactly like a young Michelle Williams), the friend of Eva's daughter Ellen (Tracey Fairaway) has some mommy issues and therefore spends all of her time trying to bond with Eva, much to Ellen's displeasure. However, every time Eva attempts to remedy this situation with her daughter by spending more time with her, Ellen just broods and holds a grudge like your typical 18-year-old would and doesn't even make an effort. Eventually, Chloe's mom gets mad at Eva for "stealing her daughter" and then we never see either of them again and the writers leave it at that. Does Chloe ever end up with a better home situation? Does she make up with Ellen for "stealing her mother"? Who knows? I hate loose ends.

No resolution for their relationship...

Speaking of the younger characters in the movie, when Eva and Albert's relationship begins to blossom substantially, he introduces her to his 18-year-old daughter Tess (Eve Hewson). Tess is horrendously, irritatingly snobby, a personality which I see as completely unnecessary. I suppose it is to show the effect that her parent's divorce had on her personality, but all she did was bother me and make me want to slap her hard in the face. Her presence in the film is necessary, however; she acts as a McGuffin (some film class knowledge rearing its head there) which is a means of driving the plot forward.

Despite its flaws, on which I perhaps focused too much attention, Enough Said is worth seeing once it comes out, but perhaps not the overly-generous 95% rating from Rotten Tomatoes. Maybe I will think twice before trusting that site again.