Age Of Ultron Doesn't Live up to Avengers Potential

I just want to kick off my review of The Avengers: Age of Ultron with a question to my readers. Am I the only one who is sick of the whole Russian/Eastern European villain thing? Like, I feel very over it. Let's try to diversify with the villains at this point, filmmakers! I guess some of them have branched out and decided to make those from the Middle East the enemy but still... When will we see the bad-ass villain from Greenland?

There were aspects of the relationships in the movie that simply didn't seem to contribute anything at all to the plot. The odd romantic moments between Marc Ruffalo and Scarlett Johansson were awkward to say the least, and, let's admit it, a pairing that would just never happen in a billion years.

In regards to the plot, it just wasn't as original as I'd hoped it would be. Artificial intelligence trying to take over the world? Hasn't that been done countless times, even recently? Then again, I suppose pretty much everything has been done already at this point.

I'm not going to sit here and point out flaw after flaw. The 2 hour and 21 minutes run time hardly felt long at all, which is really saying something. I was so engaged during the action scenes and the personal interactions amongst the characters that my short attention span didn't really get to me. Even the cheesy one-liners that were a little too corny for my taste didn't bother me. Plus, Thor is really attractive so that in itself made the movie for me.

Yum.

Oscar Predictions

I could not care one iota less when it comes to the majority of televised sporting events, but when it comes to the Academy Awards, I quickly morph into the equivalent of the face and body-painted over-the-top fan waving a flag in one hand saying "(insert sexy athlete here) HAVE MY BABY" and pointing a foam finger obnoxiously in my neighbor's face.

Best  Picture:
Should Win: Although I felt that Nebraska was charming and artsy (it was entirely in black and white) and funny, it did not "wow" me enough to be a best picture winner. The Wolf of Wall Street, though crude and extremely long, embodied great film making from every perspective, in my oh-so-humble opinion.

Will Probably Win: 12 Years A Slave will win as another attempt to "make up for the past."

Best Actor:
Should Win: Leonardo DiCaprio all the way. His portrayal of Jordan Belfort bolstered his already impressive acting ability even further. He made me want to reach right through the silver screen and strangle him myself while simultaneously evoking pity. How does one even do that? Plus, we got to see his butt, so that's a plus (for us heterosexual ladies, anyhow).

Will Probably Win: This is between Christian Bale for American Hustle and Matthew McConaughey in Dallas Buyer's Club because they both underwent dramatic changes in their appearances for their respective roles. If I had to predict one winner, however, as only one can win, it would be McConaughey because he lost weight for his role where he appears rather emaciated and Bale simply had to pack on the pounds. As we all know, losing weight is far harder than gaining weight as I'm sure that while Bale was shoveling down a dozen Krispy Kremes washed down with Oreo milkshakes, McConaughey was drinking 8 ounces of raw, organic kale juice every day for a month. Then again, Chiwetel Ejiofor has a good chance to win too for his role in 12 Years a Slave because the Academy is likely guilt-ridden for the slavery/segregation. So, basically we will find out what trumps what: wright loss/gain for a role, or white people feeling guilty for the past.

I'm not sure which of the following images is freakier:

Best Actress: 
Should Win: Cate Blanchett. No contest. Although, "contest" essentially defines the Academy Awards but whatever. In Woody Allen's latest, Blue Jasmine, she played a neurotic character and redefined what it means to be on the verge of a mental breakdown (eventually being dead center of said breakdown). I pitied her, I laughed in her face when her "Xanax wasn't working" and I marveled at her stellar acting that she didn't have to gain or lose weight to accomplish.

Will Probably Win: Well, Meryl Streep has taken home the little golden statue enough times but they'll probably give it to her again anyway. Her or Amy Adams, just because it is a feat to marvel at that she has been in such a massive amount of movies in such a short period of time. I swear she has a Hermione-style time turner. Plus, she showed a lot of side-boob in American Hustle and spoke with a convincing British accent so I'm sure those could earn her an Oscar.

Best Supporting Actor:
Should Win: As much as I loved Jonah Hill as a weirdo quaalude addict with very obvious veneers married to his cousin in The Wolf of Wall Street, I want Michael Fassbender to win. His preformances have been overlooked far too many times and even though I did not actually see 12 Years a Slave, I assume it was the same caliber acting job as the rest.

Will Probably Win: Barkhad Abdi from Captain Phillips because he is the underdog contender from Somalia and it would make one of those feel good, rags to riches tales that we all love if he were to win. Or Jared Leto because he dressed up as a woman and lost a ton of weight for his role in Dallas Buyer's Club.

Best Supporting Actress:
Should Win: Ok, I know she JUST won last year, but Jennifer Lawrence blew me away in American Hustle. She was funny and evil and just perfect. I also adored June Squibb from Nebraska as the crude little old lady. Somehow, I found it gut-wrenchingly hilarious to hear the C word and other expletives emanating out of the mouth of such an adorable little grandma-looking lady.

Can you imagine this adorable lady swearing??

Probably Will Win: Lupita Nyong'o from 12 Years a Slave. See my reasoning for best supporting actor (except she is Kenyan, not Somalian).

Best Animated Feature:
Should Win: The Wind Rises. Not only am I madly, and I mean MADLY in love with Hayao Miyazaki (seriously, I would pull an Anna Nicole Smith and marry the guy but it wouldn't even be for the money- strictly for love), but this is his last film, so he won't even have another opportunity. The Wind Rises, about a young aeronautical engineer, is touching, charming, and visually invigorating.

So deserving I can't stand it

Probably Will Win: Frozen. It is a Disney movie that got a lot of hype. Enough said. Or, it could go the opposite direction and be Ernest & Celestine because it is foreign and the Academy likes those.

Okay, this blog is getting long and there are still far too many categories to predict. My cinematic tea leaves/crystal ball are getting tired. So, anything that is about cinematography or special effects should go to Gravity or The Hobbit. The rest, we will just have to see. And full disclosure: I did not see any of the documentaries or foreign films. I'm most excited to see Ellen host!

I Prefer Captain Jack Sparrow...

Modern-day pirates are a whole other animal in comparison to Disney's jovial, somewhat clumsy, lady chasing miscreants represented in the Pirates of the Caribbean Ride at Disneyland. A desire to pursue a life of adventure and treasure motivated these whimsical pirates of old. Not so in the case of the Somalian pirates that took Captain Richard Phillips hostage. In response to his character's insisting that there must be other options for his captors to make money other than piracy and kidnapping, one of them flashes him a piercing stare and says simply "maybe in America." This jarring reality highlights the atrocious human rights situations in countries all over the world leading so many to tread down the desperate path of crime with the hopes of appeasing murderous "bosses" back home. These pirates aren't singing songs of "really bad eggs" and "yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me." For them, a pirate's life is nothing to get lyrical about.

These guys mean business...

This guy's in it for the fun

After hearing varying stories quoting the real life crew of the attacked ship as saying Hank's portrayal of Captain Phillips as a hero was entirely inaccurate, I took his actions in the film with a grain of salt. According to the crew members who have come forth with their version of the true events that transpired, Phillips was a surly and over-confident captain. Whereas in the film he acted heroically in attempting to sacrifice his life so the pirates wouldn't shoot a crew member, this allegedly never occurred. Official reports stated that Phillips received and consequently ignored warning upon warning of pirate activity in his ship's area. Read more about the controversy here. Maybe this is heresy. Maybe Phillips really was a valiant survivor able to stay calm in dire scenarios. Whatever. I was not there. Flaws in accuracy aside, Captain Phillips presents a harrowing and captivating tale of survival at sea. 

Though the ending felt prolonged, there was no shortage of nail-biting tension coupled with scenes of non-stop action and thrill. It's funny how brutal we are to our own bodies while watching movies like this- we dig our nails into our palms, clench our jaws, pull on our hair... oh the joyous physical reactions to anxiety. This anxiety never seems to cease as we follow the true events of Captain Richard Phillips and his crew as their ship, the Maersk Alabama, is attacked by Somali pirates in 2009. Once again, how much of it is true I don't know, and I'm not too sure it matters. In the film, the pirates overtake their ship and eventually kidnap its captain, played of course by Tom Hanks, for ransom.

The authenticity of the use of Somali natives (some of whom, I heard, had no prior acting experience and came from Minnesota where there is a thriving Somali population) speaking their native tongue proved a winning choice by director Tom Greengrass (haha, what a fantastic last name! The grass is always greener...). The Somalian actors truly did a phenomenal job. They forced audiences to pity them for the sheer desperation leading them down such a horrendous path in life while simultaneously feeling  dread stemming from their cold-blooded, heartless actions. They could have easily lost all humanity while playing these roles, yet kept it, though often at bay, in their expressions. 

Honestly, I don't feel that Captain Phillips possessed the "wow" factor earning it the Best Picture Oscar. When I saw Argo, I knew it should win. When I saw Little Miss Sunshine and The King's Speech, the choices were blatantly obvious- there could be no other films crowned the winners of their prospective years. So far out of the 2013 nominees, I have seen Captain Phillips, Her, Gravity, American Hustle, The Wolf of Wall Street and Nebraska. I am still waiting for the obvious nominee to come out of the woodwork. 

Sorry, Siri...

...but I'd rather date a human being. However, running off with your laptop is presented as ever-so-plausible in the futuristic world (the not-too-distant future, terrifyingly enough) presented in Her. Informing friends and family that your significant other is an operating system doesn't even earn a second thought. Theodore, played by Joaquin Pheonix, wanders around in a depressed stupor (he even requests that his do-it-all phone/earpiece thing play a "melancholy song" while he rides in an elevator) completely entranced by his ear gadget (the future of smart phones, apparently- I thought it was the Google contact lens), telling it to check his e-mail, read messages, etc. None of the people passing him by glance up, completely absorbed in their technological devices. Doesn't sound too far off from where society is today, does it?

The portrayal of human-robot relations in film is no novel idea. There's Hal in 2001: A Space Odyssey, that weird robot from the Will Smith movie that came out awhile back, and now we have Samantha. I guess you could call her "sexy"- how could she not be when the sultry Scarlett Johansson is providing her voice (though I must admit, I preferred our darling Scarlett when looking like she did in Lost in Translation, aka her pre-smoldering temptress days)? Perhaps that casting choice was actually a flaw- every time Samantha spoke my mind instantly imagined Scarlett on the other end of the phone somewhere, making it seem more like Theodore was involved in a long-distance relationship.

I noticed that Joaquin Phoenix is the perfect Doppleganger of the guy in the Cohen Brothers' film A Serious Man (Michael Stuhlbarg). The first time I saw the trailer, I did not think that the main actor was Joaquin. Just another pair to add to the list of celebrity look-a-likes (think Katy Perry and Zooey Deschanel). Joaquin did a stellar acting job as did Amy Adams (how does she have time to be in so many movies these days?) and Chris Pratt (that guy is hilarious- probably the most underrated comedy actor of today. I attest he is the next Will Farrell).

Maybe it is the glasses?

Noticing that this film received over a 90% on Rotten Tomatoes and its Best Picture nomination instantly elevated the bar of my expectations to the point where the heaviest man on earth could do the limbo underneath it. This is dangerous to do prior to a screening as I am almost always disappointed. This was no exception- I wanted nothing short of to love Her with a fiery, unbridled passion causing me to burst out the theater doors and rave about its awesomeness non-stop to all I encountered for the next two weeks, much to the dismay of all I encountered. Is that too much to ask? I didn't think so.

Being a contender for the coveted Best Picture Oscar instantly sets my mind to "over-analyze every film element" mode. I assume that if the Academy sees it as a true masterpiece of the cinema, it must have subtleties that film students could spend hours discussing. It got to the point where I thought "boy, they sure use the colors red and pink a lot. That MUST stand for something...hmmm...". Yeah, it probably stands for absolutely nothing. I also begin to read far too much into the underlying message of the film. Is it a critique of our increasing dependence on technology? An insight into the future dating world (match.com for robots?)? A commentary on how operating systems need to be treated better? All of the above? The takeaway from this review is I perhaps expected a bit too much and was therefore let down. Just be aware that it is a bit slow- if you go to see it, try to enjoy and not dissect every scene presented before you like I did. Then, you will certainly enjoy it. 

Ron Burgundy is Back!

Ron Burgundy and his news team back in action is a welcome premise- it's been so long since filmgoers last enjoyed their crazy, often politically-incorrect antics. Yes, Ron Burgandy is looking a bit aged in this second installment of the Anchorman films, but that may have been more prominent in my mind as I recently watched Elf, starring a much younger Will Farrell as its protagonist. Christina Applegate also looked a lot older albeit just as attractive as always.

I enjoyed the second part of Anchorman about as much as I expected to. When I read that its running time pans over a length of two hours, I felt that this was a bit excessive to say the least for that type of goofy, crass comedy. Turns out I was right- a good 20-30 minutes could have easily been shaved off with a 5-blade cinematic razor with no damage done to the plot. It could have easily gone without an entire, draggy and not-funny sub-plot about Ron, his wife and son raising a great white shark named Dobby (there is even a ridiculously unnecessary musical number pertaining to this storyline). 

Anyone who enjoyed the first film will, at least to some degree, enjoy the second. There is nothing particularly noteworthy or fantastic about this addition, but I did find myself laughing out loud at certain jokes and I appreciated the plot revolving around how news first became sensationalist and not really about the news. I thought it was creative to pinpoint the moment journalism stopped being about the news on the actions of Ron and his compadres. There are crude jokes, racist jokes, and some jokes that went right over my head. This movie provides that which it is expected to provide- a nice, lighthearted escape from the seriousness of our everyday lives. 

Some people really should not get perms...

Hugo, You're Going to Need a Bigger Can of Bug Spray

If I had read the book prior to seeing Ender's Game, I think I would have been extremely disappointed. A few days after, I came across a copy and decided to peruse the first chapter only to discover inaccuracy after inaccuracy of the film version in comparison to its literary counterpart. The first, and perhaps most noticeable flaw, is that Ender at the commencement of the book is six years old. The only way the actor portraying Ender, Asa Butterfield (I laughed out loud for a significant amount of time when I found out that was his name), who played Hugo in last year's blockbuster, could be accepted as a six-year-old would be if he were one with a serious hormonal imbalance. Otherwise I'd put him at nine- eight at the absolute youngest- or 12 at the oldest. This inaccuracy seems perfectly reasonable to me, however; it is bizarre enough in text to have a six-year-old doing the mature things that Ender does. The director explains his casting choice than I ever could in this interview from the LA Times: 

"We tried actors from age 7 all the way to age 14, and the younger actors, even though there were some really good ones, it was very hard to find an actor that could be both awkward and shy and withdrawn at the beginning the way Ender is, a bit of an outsider, and yet by the end come through with this moment where he says, “You lied!” And this roar comes from this boy who’s now a man and literally stops someone like Harrison Ford in his tracks. Some of the younger kids would go, “You lied!” [in a high-pitched baby voice], and it just didn’t work. And I was sweating. Fortunately when Asa came in, I think we caught him just at the moment when he was on the cusp of becoming a young man, but he’s still a boy, and we shot in sequence, to help him and frankly to help us, because he grew 2 inches even while shooting. The challenges were all a bit more daunting than we probably realized when we started…. We needed a highly intelligent actor who’s also intrinsically compassionate and empathetic, because you can’t really fake that, and is slightly geeky because he’s not a jock, and yet is believable as someone who can throw a punch when he has to. I think we were just very lucky to find Asa, who is highly intelligent, genuinely humble and could do the physical work in the wires, because we also had to do put these kids into wires, and they had to do gymnastics to achieve the stuff we needed for zero gravity — a lot of demands for a young actor."

The smallest details irk me in films these days. One detail that I'm sure hardly anyone else notices is when casts are so overly diverse that it is no longer believable. I'm all for the whole melting pot, ethnic and gender diversity, let's love and hug everyone thing, but not when it becomes so obvious that it becomes the main focus. In the scene where Ender departs Earth in a shuttle to head off to the battle training space station, blue-eyed, extremely Caucasian Ender is seated among Indians, Asians, African-Americans, white kids with every hair color you could imagine...so many ethnicities it is overwhelming. So, we have this over-the-top level of diversity, yet some of the children fall into the most blatant stereotypes you can imagine. Example: the two bully characters are burly, chubby, piggy-eyed and not-too-bright boys (picture in your mind's eye Crabbe and Goyle from the Harry Potter movies, if you've seen them). The Indian boys are academic geniuses, and the Hispanic boy is pushy, overbearing, has an unbridled Napoleon complex, a thick accent and his dialogue is sprinkled with Spanish profanities ("Que pasa, pendejo?"). To be fair, these blatant generalizations may be accurate to the text; it just happened to be something that stood out like Larry the Cable Guy in a yoga class. 

Like ripping off a bandage, it's time to get the unpleasant but necessary aspect of writing a brief plot summary out of the way. Earth is in turmoil (when isn't it these days?) after barely surviving an alien invasion. To avoid a future encounter with the Formics (the name of the giant bug-like species that nearly wiped out humanity), a division of the military is bringing children to a battle school in space to train them to be merciless warriors. However, the head hanchos of this division still seek a leader for the kiddie army. This is where Ender Wiggin comes in. This is an underdog story in a sense- Ender starts off as a lanky, shy wallflower and the third child to his parents. Apparently, all of future Earth will be pulling a China and limiting the amount of kids couples can have. Since Ender's older siblings showed promise for being the prophesied leader but eventually failed, his parents were allowed to have a third kid. 

After years of observing his personality, demeanor and overall actions, Colonel Graff and Major Gwen Anderson (Harrison Ford and Viola Davis, respectively), decide that Ender is the child they wish to mould (aka corrupt) to be the leader of the child army and bring salvation to the world by defeating the insect army. According to Colonel Graff and the others observing the Formics, time is running out as the enemy is planning an offensive maneuver against Earth. Dun, dun, dun! No time to lose! So much suspense, and all that. Thus, after informing him that he is the "chosen one" so to speak, Ender heads off to space for training. Throughout his formative experience, he learns of corruption among the militant leaders, grows and develops just as you'd expect in a coming of age tale, and discovers the importance of peace in a war torn world. 

Wow, that felt worse than your typical bandage removal- that bandage was one of the heavy duty, sweat proof, water proof, acid rain proof, apocalypse proof (that is a lot of proofs) ones sealed with superglue to the arm of a hairy caveman. Ok, maybe I am being a tad dramatic. Cinematically, Ender's Game is laden with engaging and stimulating visuals. The CGI folks did a surprisingly good job of adding emotion to the dark, beady, orb-like eyes of the insect-like Formic queen to the point. I could almost empathize with the alien's plight to the point where, if I saw that insect in real life, I may put away my can of Raid (I felt the need to tie in my blog title. Accomplished.) after beholding such eyes. 

I'd say wait for Redbox for this one, unless you are seriously inclined to see Harrison Ford with an atrocious haircut on the big screen. 

Not your best look, Harrison

Star Trek Triumphs

I've discovered the key to enjoying every movie you see in the theaters: lower your expectations. I mean REALLY lower the bar, to the point where even Thumbelina would get stuck trying to limbo under it. Before going to see the latest addition to the Star Trek family, I lowered my expectations to just such a point- I prematurely expected myself to be miserable and trying to inconspicuously check the time on my cell phone without everyone in my immediate vicinity noticing. I could not have been so pleasantly surprised.

I see it as a Hollywood cop-out when film companies recycle material and it seldom works to their advantage. The new Star Wars series, for example. But this latest Star Trek broke this moldy cliche. The script was smart and sassy, with witty humor and hardly any gag-reflex-inducing one liners. The plot moved right along and never felt too draggy, which is an applaudable accomplishment given the two-hour-plus running time. As is inevitable in today's sensationalist cinema, the amount of action on the screen was enough to induce an epileptic seizure. The main issue with the film for me was simply a technical fault of the theater itself- the volume was cranked to the point where the screeching noises could easily have shattered a glass or two.

The plot wove together elements from a garden variety of the previous Star Trek episodes and movies. No offense to actor Benedict Cumberbatch, but his slightly snake-like eyes, stark-black hair and pasty complexion perfectly equip him to play the ultimate villain. I mean, this guy creeped me out more than a pack of clowns on Halloween. Juxtapose that with eye candy Chris Pine as Captain Kirk, and you really can't go wrong. I am indifferent about the guy who plays Spock, to the point where I am not going to bother looking him up. The way I see it, if you take any expressionless, pale, black-haired male and give him uppity eyebrows and a Beatle's haircut, you have created Spock. Oh, I guess he has to be able to make that Vulcan salute, which is actually a challenge for some.

I hate movie review conclusions. Just go see it.