Tuesday, January 31, 2012

A Horse on the Highway

As an individual who commutes about an hour to an hour and a half to work and back, I am constantly listening to the traffic reports on the radio to listen to just exactly what it is that will be delaying my drive for the day. Needless to say, I have basically heard it all- multiple car crash, car fire, stalled vehicle in the center lane, you name it. Now, about a month and a half ago, I thought it was strange when they mentioned that the highways were all pretty clear, but there was an issue to report- a horse was running loose and he still needed to be rounded up. I found this strange at the time I heard it, especially because of the nonchalant tone in which this strange equine mishap was announced. However, I shook it off and forgot about it soon after hearing the report.

Now, the thing that really blows my mind is that this somehow happened AGAIN this morning, and it was announced in the same tone as if it were a routine occurrence. This raised so many questions for me- how is this the kind of thing that happens twice in about a month? Was it the same horse? If not, why do farmers have such awful fences? Now I really can say I have heard it all and can't help but wonder what is next- massive black hole sucking in the cars of the left lane? Wouldn't surprise me...

Sunday, January 29, 2012

The radio really ruins songs for me...

Before I went to Europe, I had never once heard the Adele song "Someone Like You". The first time I heard it was a couple of days after I returned to the United States, and I immediately loved it and wanted to hear it again. Good thing for me, the next station on my preset list just happened to be playing it at the exact same time. This may have been good at that moment, but after about a week of 7 radio stations playing "Someone Like You" at the same time about 5 times a day, I got pretty sick of hearing about Adele's heartbreak. It's not her fault- the radio stations overplay her songs like there are absolutely no other songs to choose from in the universe.

After that first week of hearing her song over and over on the radio, I began to not only get sick of it, but completely resenting it. I wanted to boycott every station forever, but then the same thing happened with another song that I heard from the first time and wanted to hear again and again... what a viscious cycle! It must be stopped!

While we are talking about the radio, am I the only one who has noticed how many songs have really obnoxious lyrics these days? As embarassing as it is for me to admit, I am pretty into the song "Price Tag" by Jessie J (this post probably makes all of you think that I have a horrible music taste- I like other things too I promise, I always say I like a little bit of everything. I'm pretty sure most of you like T Swift and Katy Perry too but are just way too embarassed to say so). The tune is what I find catchy, it makes me want to go dance all night, but when I listen to the words I get a little crazy. It is much akin to that one song about wishing airplanes were shooting stars or whatever. In both songs the singers go on about how unimportant money is to them, which I find unbearably ironic, as they are making a good chunk of change singing about that.

The worst of those two is definitely the one about the airplanes being shooting stars, where whoever it is by raps about how he misses the days "back when ain't nobody listened to his mix tape". Bad grammar aside, this statement pisses me off becuase he clearly has every option to go back to the days where no one listened to his music. Pretty sure he likes things the way they are going now...

Friday, January 27, 2012

Carnage- be ready to bust your gut!

What happens when you put Kate Winslet, Jodie Foster, John C. Reilly and Christopher Waltz together in a room? The most entertaining film I have seen in a while, that's what. To be honest, I never really thought I would see Winslet and Reilly in a comedy like this together, but the result is perfection. It completely demonstrates the capability of all of these actors, and I have to say that Kate Winslet ought to have been nominated for best actress. She proved that she can flawlessly transition from making a serious, World War II era film like The Reader to a short and sweet comedy like Carnage.

I can not recommend this movie more highly. I went in knowing hardly anything about it- all I did was briefly read the description about 10 minutes before deciding to see it. Winslet and Waltz play the parents of a child who got into a fight with the child of Foster and Reilly. The parents meet up to discuss the event and what actions must be taken as far as dealing with their children. Sounds like a pretty simple plot, but the entire situation evolves into a hilarious sequence of events between the two couples that leads to them learning way more about each other than they ever wanted to.

The children themselves never actually enter the apartment- we only get a brief view of them in the park at the very beginning and end of the film. But their presence is irrelevant- this movie is not really about what happened between the children, but rather the fact that it brings together two completely different couples who develop a very strange and endlessly entertaining relationship. Roman Polanski knew what he was doing when he made this film, and any movie-goer will certainly reap the benefits of his hilarious creation.

They know everything about us...

I'm talking about cashiers at Target, of course. I was thinking about it the other day as I was checking out- what we buy at "everything stores" basically tells them everything. If you put condoms on the conveyor, it pretty obviously indicates what you are going to be doing later. If you buy a ridiculous amount of tortilla chips and hot dogs this week it says "Super Bowl Party", an abundant amount of cat food indicates your lack of significant other, too many bottles of cough syrup says "I'm sick" or "I am going to make some illegal drugs in my basement". What we buy says absolutely everything about us. I guess even more so at book stores, however- a self-help book, a how-to book, a textbook... these things reveal a plethora of information about us.

And then when you are buying these persona-revealing products, you always have to carefully choose which checkout line you go to. For instance, a woman buying a bulk supply of tampons will likely not go to the young man resembling Brad Pitt, unless she possesses a desire to make him feel extremely uncomfortable. So I wonder if certain types of cashiers get less/more customer traffic just based on their looks. If there are 50 women buying a bulk supply of tampons in one day, the lines for the woman cashiers would be insanely long, I would think, and the young men of the world might be sent home early. Just some food for thought... hope your minds were hungry!

Saturday, January 21, 2012

How do you milk an almond?

So I am just going to say it... I bet all the cows in the world are pissed off. I mean, with the current almond milk craze, a little nut is trying to steal their hard-earned thunder. First it was soy milk and rice milk, and now almond milk is added to the mix. How ever will those cows manage to make it in the world now? They will  just have to hope that beef stays in good standing so they will still  be needed. Although, that is a function for which I am sure they do not want to be needed. In that case, they probably are praying for a total tofu craze to hit the US.

On another note, I am a little confused about where the "milk" in almonds comes from. As far as I can see, almonds do not have little udders. Nor do grains of rice, or soybeans for that matter. Maybe I don't want to know. The label telling me that almond milk has twice as much calcium is good enough for me. Sorry, cows, but consider me an almond milk convert.

Friday, January 20, 2012

No More $40 Haircuts for me!

I absolutely love Super Cuts. They do the exact same thing as fancy salons but for about 30 dollars less. The only difference, I suppose, is that they do not wash your hair beforehand and they do not style it afterwards. Both are things that I can do myself and I do not think are worth the extra 30 dollars. The hairstylists are just as friendly, and whether I go to a fancy salon or a cheap one they try and sell me their expensive salon products by informing me that my hair is "extremely dry". So, same end result, same criticisms of my hair, but a lot less money spent and a lot less time to get my hair cut. I don't get why anyone would go anywhere else.

Actually, I am really unsure as to why any hairdresser would think that refering to my hair as "extremely dry" would EVER be a good idea. I understand that they do it to try and sell a hair-care system worth more than my net value, but that is not exactly how I make friends (or in their case, repeated customers). It actually does the complete opposite. The girl who cut my hair this particular time at Super Cuts did NOT call my hair dry, and that made it a much better experience. Unlike the others, she can expect to see me again.

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Highschool Has an Odd Idea of the Real World

Well, as an individual who officially holds a job in what highschool teachers would refer to as the "real" world, I can tell you that their constant assurances that everything we did in class was in preparation to live in it were not so accurate after all. I know you are all shocked, but it's true. Although, I am getting rather confused by the notion of the fact that we did not live in the real world before and during high school. What kind of world was it? A world like in Super Mario where clouds attack you and cannons shoot you onto islands in the sky? Or some kind of crazy, alternate, Matrix-esque world?

Whatever kind it was, this "real" one does not consist of one-page resumes, which completely threw me for a loop. Do highschool teachers realize how limiting putting a one-page restriction on resumes is? Yet, throughout my life ever since the introduction of the resume and how to write one in class, I was instructed that it could not, under any circumstances, exceed one page. How, however, as someone interviewing candidates for positions, I find that basically every single one of them has a resume longer than one page. Highschool teachers... you led me astray! I CAN go overboard and add every single job I have ever had to it! I CAN list every skill even ones that seem irrelevant!

So, I am not sure what world my highschool resume-writing knowledge prepared me for. Maybe it is one in Mario that has yet to be released- the one where Mario is attacked by one-page resumes! Save us all!

Sunday, January 15, 2012

The Artist- what modern cinema can do with a silent film!

I feel like a lot of people are going to be discouraged by the fact that The Artist is a silent film, and say things like "aren't we living in the year 2011?" "is it in 3D at least?" "you mean I have to READ the dialogue?!". In my opinion, all of these questions should be irrelevant as this movie goes far beyond the scope of the "popular" films of today, and dares to do something different and refreshing.

The Artist is funny, charming, touching and everything else you would want from a film. It was a feast for the eyes, and reminds us that perhaps, the dialogue of modern cinema is simply a distraction from the cinematic experience. The way that director Michel Hazanavicius played with sound throughout adds a great deal to the ongoing theme of sound, or lack thereof, in cinema.

The film was perfectly cast; my personal favorite being the precious little dog of protagonist George Valentin, a silent film actor past his prime who gives actress Peppy Miller her start in the film business. It was a cute little Jack Russell terrier, and stole the show completely. I think, perhaps, it was also Hazanavicius' tribute to the Italian realist film Umberto D. I could be wrong on that one, however, so don't quote me on that.

Please don't be deterred by the fact that it is a silent film. It truly was a feast for the senses in every way, and makes the audience think of a simpler time in cinema. You'll laugh, you'll cry (or at least get close), and you will be glad you went to see it!

Sunday, January 8, 2012

Clearly, Jesus has a favorite football team!

Okay, I admit it, I was skeptical. I am not even a football fan, I cannot really say I know the slightest about the game, but even I can put two and two together and understand that Broncos vs. Steelers esentially equals "Broncos lose". Sure, one of their top players may have been benched due to his posession of the sickle cell trait and inability to play at high altitudes. Sure, Tebow has saved the Broncos numerous times. But this just seemed out of reach. So, how did it happen? The only explaination is that Jesus and Tebow are seriously homeboys. All I can say is they sure as heck better keep those friendship ties strong, because next week looks even furthur out of our reach. But, I was a nay-sayer, and I have been proven wrong! So, go Broncos, go Tebow, and go Jesus!

Tinker, Tailor, Solider...what??

I was way too excited about this movie, and it went completely against my expectations. The trailor made it out to be a fast-paced spy thriller full of twists and turns and a suspenseful soundtrack chalk-full of violins. In reality, it was a slow, detailed, slightly confusing with a plot requiring more focus than heart surgery. Though these opening sentences may portray that I was disappointed by the movie, I was actually just thrown by it. It was certainly high quality cinematically and undeniably well-acted; I was espeically impressed by Gary Oldman.

Before seeing this movie there is one thing that you should know: the plot is more confusing than learning Hungarian. And, you may actually have to learn it (and Russian for that matter), if you are like me and sitting in a row where the subtitles are blocked by the seat in front of you. If I had gone in with the knowledge that I would need about three cups of coffee in order to really get what was going on, I would have been a lot better off. To make matters worse, there were two actors that I had never seen before in anything else who I thought were the same character until they were shown in the same room together about halfway through the movie. So, my advice: drink coffee ahead of time, and pay attention like you are taking the SAT in highschool- that means focus on all of the names, and listen to every single word. Even after seeing the movie in its entirety I still don't think I could tell you the names of all of the main characters.

As stated prior, the acting in this movie was unparalelled. Gary Oldman's performance was truly enthralling, and I would certainly dub it Oscar-worthy. The cinematography was well-done to say the least and there were no overwhelming elements- what needed to be in this movie was in it, and nothing more. The scenes were perfectly composed, filled with everything that you would expect from a Soviet-British spy thriller. That is to say, groups of men having paranoid conversations in claustrophobic rooms while drinking whiskey and smoking, or out having solo, contemplative walks through dark streets and cloudy weather in European cities. I was not in a terrible amount of suspense considering that it is labeled a "spy thriller", but the end was satisfactory and the events leading up to it did keep me intrigued. I will definitely need to see it again in order to really grasp what was going on.

You never really see the Dragon tattoo...

I found it strange that the main character of the film The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo seemed to constantly be covering her tattoo for which the film and books are named. Perhaps this is because of all of the tattoos and piercings required of newcomer actress Mara Rooney, the tattoos were the only ones not real. I personally think that getting a real nipple piercing for a role is a bit extreme, but that in itself demonstrates her dedication to playing Lisbeth.

I was not really sure how I felt about this film immediately after viewing it. I think that the film wanted me to be shocked and disturbed, but I am not sure that this was the case. The R rating warned me of a graphic rape scene, so I went in to the movie as prepared for that as one can be, and I knew that there were thematic elements to the story line, but I still cannot say with conviction that I was shocked. Nor that Mara Rooney's preformance was Oscar-worthy, as I heard some audience members discussing as they exited the theater. That is not to say at all that she did not act the role amazingly well, especially considering that she was a relative unknown aside from The Social Network, just that I did not see it as an Oscar worthy role.

I will say with certainty that I was entertained, despite the movie's run time being a lengthy 2 hours, 38 minutes. I was not bored. But I also was not blown away. Do I recommend this movie? Yes, I think it is worth seeing. I do not, however, think it will be making any "Top 10" lists anytime soon, nor sparking any conversations about its lasting impact on the film industry.

Sunday, January 1, 2012

2012

I was just having a thought. I know you are all excited to read about it. Don't worry, no need to hide the enthusiasm.

New Year's is all about resolutions. The most common ones, as I am sure you all figured as I, are to lose weight, give up drinking, and give up smoking. But what about the skinny, sober non-smokers? I am wondering if there are any "reverse resolutions" that people ever make. Like, this year I am going to gain 20 pounds. Or, this year I am going to smoke and drink ALL the time! Then, they could give up the things they decided to start on the NEXT New Year's Eve.

Blue Lawn Chair

Apparently, I care about lawn chairs. I’ve always known that I typically give inanimate objects personalities and feelings. The “As-is” sect...