The Good, The Bad and the Far-From-Ugly Part 3: Hovering

American salespeople do this to some degree in shops. "Hello? Can I help you find anything?" Whenever they say this, I want to scream "NO! LET ME SHOP IN PEACE!" Of course, in reality, I just nod and say I'm fine. 

Today, I also discovered that some Japanese people do this as well. I was browsing for some Christmas gifts and the store saleslady literally followed me every step I took. It quickly drove me to madness and out the door. I felt like in that episode of The Office where Dwight tells the lady "I will literally be RIGHT HERE if you need anything."

However, Korean salespeople take the practice of bugging customers to a whole new level. The second my friend and I entered any sort of shop whatsoever, the employees were on us like a shark on a bloody seal. Sorry, a bit of a gruesome image, but I truly felt like the seal being ripped to shreds in some shops. 

At beauty-product stores, the ladies working there would follow me around and get WAY too far into my personal space bubble. They picked up product after product and told me what each one was. "This lip stick. It for lips." Wow, thank you for that insight. I NEVER would have been able to tell that it was lip stick from the sign underneath it that says "lip stick." Or, from the fact that I can recognise lip stick. You really enlightened me, Miss Beauty Store Employee. Thank you.

"Miss. This is face cream. It cream for face." Wow, really?! Face cream is cream for your face!? I thought face cream was for your foot. My mistake, thanks for clearing that up. 

I am not exaggerating. They told me what EVERY product was as if I couldn't figure it out from the English signs, or from just looking at the product. 

The scariest place for me was the souvenir shop in the airport. It was a feeding frenzy of sharks attacking me, the poor defenceless seal. I am amazed I made it out alive. My ears were bombarded by suggestions and more information about what each item was. "Miss! Miss! This chocolate strawberry." Yes, I have eyes, which enable me to do this magical thing called "seeing." Therefore, with this ability, I can SEE the display of the chocolate which shows a strawberry inside. Amazing.

"Miss! Chocolate is great gift! How about orange chocolate?" If she told me that orange chocolate was chocolate with orange, I would have literally lost my mind. The airport medics would have had to wheel me away in a straightjacket. 

I just wish these employees would realise that doing this simply made me want to buy products that I didn't even want to buy even less than I already did, which I didn't even know was possible. Had I been left to browse in peace, I may have actually purchased something. 

Bull's Eye, Target!

A breed of creature closely related to the Oompa Loompa's of Willy Wonka's factory must be running the operations of Target stores. Maybe little orange people with bright red shirts. I'm convinced of it- how else would I feel magical shivers tingling up and down my spine as I pursue aisle after aisle of seemingly ordinary items? It's either Ooma Loompa cousins or twinkling fairy dust. There is no other explanation.

What enchantment makes me feel like a kid in a candy store (as the saying goes) when I walk between two walls lined with office products? I don't feel awash with waves of relaxation when surrounded by produce and other food while at grocery stores, so why does being beside a banana warm me up inside at Target? It's not as if Target is a one-of-a-kind, miraculous, novel idea of a store. Au contraire, consumers can opt out and head to Walmart, Kmart, whatever prefix followed by "mart" you can imagine. Yet Walmart seems like a trashy warehouse selling crap made against all labor laws by children in third-world countries and sold for dirt cheap. Target takes the Walmart concept and totally classes it up. I mean come ON, they even sell designer clothing now (though I never see anyone buy it...).

Generally while traveling abroad, I am so awestruck and absorbing my surroundings like a dried-out sponge eager for moisture that I cannot dedicate even one moment to missing things back home. There is one exception to this, however; the desire to make a shopping trip at Target somehow invades my excitement at being in a new place. Once again, I blame the Oompa Loompa relatives and their fairy dust (probably on loan from Tinkerbell).

It cannot be as simple as the focus on the color red, can it? When I think red, the first place my mind leaps is anger, Spanish bullfights and ketchup (yeah, I need to go to therapy). It's DEFINITELY not their creepy mascot dog. I'm sorry, but whatever "genius" in the marketing department who thought up that one should be fired on the spot. Why would you not pick a cute breed like a Jack Russel? What kid growing up could resist Wishbone's charms (no one, according to him)? Hopefully I didn't just date myself too much with that reference...

You cannot tell me that THIS is cuter than Wishbone??

It also can't possibly be their bull's eye logo- that thing just looks like a stationary Eye of Sauron. Certainly not an inviting image, yet I understand where they were going with that idea- right on Target prices, every time you shop there you get a bull's eye, yadda, yadda...

Whatever it is, I cannot get enough of my Target fix! If I go longer than two weeks without bursting through those automatic doors, I start jonseing worse than a heroin addict in rehab.