Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Don't Cry Over Spilt Milk

I had the most ridiculous and hilarious experience at lunch (remember, I have learned to laugh at my own misfortune). Normally, (I say that as if I have been teaching longer than two days...) I fend off the kids before they can place a milk carton in front of me at lunch (my vegetarian slash lactose intolerance means I bring my own lunch) but today I didn't manage to do so. Putting the milk back would be as rude in Japanese culture as a man itching his groin and belching while entering a room would be in ours. So, obviously I couldn't do that. Why not just pretend to drink it, you ask? Well, after finishing the last drop, the kids have to UNFOLD and flatten the carton, reverse-oragami style, meaning that if the tiniest drop remains it will spill all over the place.

Pretty much...

So, knowing full well that my body would launch a mutinous attack against me by allowing lactose, which it is unable to digest in such large quantities, into my body, I guzzled it down as fast as possible. The bloating began almost instantly, and embarrassment was soon to follow. I couldn't for the life of me figure out the carton-folding process, so a 14-year-old student had to come to my aid and while he meticulously undid the carton, it became clear that I did not consume every last atom of milk since it spilled all over the desk and dripped onto my pants. The pre-teen girl across from me handed me a pack of tissues with the expression "wow, what a stupid American..." plastered across her face.

Not the best impression to make at lunch. At least some of the kids think I am comical now. And, as long as I laugh with them, they aren't exactly laughing AT me, right?

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