Pull Tabs and Bad Ads

Whoever invented those little pull tabs to open orange juice and other boxed beverages must have been trying to think of the best way to piss off every single human being who ever needs to open one in the morning. Morning Marisa, whether she is in the form of an excited, refreshed and charming girl following a restful sleep or an evil, scary creature that barely slept a wink, has a Hulk-like transformation when she finds an unopened half-and-half or orange juice carton at work. I am glad that no one has witnessed this side of me- I cannot think of a single more irritating and irrational piece of plastic in existence. There are only a couple of options when you stick your finger in the little plastic ring in a desperate attempt to pull the whole plastic seal out. First, which is my personal favorite (I hope you detect the sarcasm), the plastic tab could break off, making it a project that would stump a rocket scientist to open it. I usually become so frustrated, already sweaty, muscly, green and donning furrowed eyebrows, that I jab a steak knife through the plastic and swivel it around until I can get the juice out. The second option, which is ever so slightly better, is that the tab actually comes out in one piece, but doing this causes way more pain than is necessary to your finger wrapped around the plastic ring. Then the force of the removal of the tab causes the entire carton to shake, often spilling at least some of its contents on whoever just opened it.

I guess those tabs have one use- make them into jewelry 

...Or as a garden label 

So to all of the companies who use the pull-tab on their products (ahem, Tropicana, Silk and Horizon dairy to name a few…) please realize that doing this makes me never want to buy your product. I get that you want to make sure it is safely sealed for the safety of the consumer and blah, blah, blah, but why not just cover the spout under the lid with some foil or easy to remove plastic? Key phrase: easy to remove. Not like the safety seals on the vast majority of vitamins and supplements. You know to what I am referring, I hope- those circular plastic coverings under the lids with a plastic semi-circle that you are supposed to pull and it will theoretically pull the whole seal off in one fell swoop, which we all know is never the case.

Yeah, we all know how easy THESE are to open...

My arch nemesis 

Product flaws and obnoxious commercials are the greatest deterrents for me when it comes to deciding against products. I will keep this ranting blog as short as possible, but there are a couple of ads that I simply must name. The first is for Blue Bell Ice Cream. If you have not heard this commercial on the radio, I truly envy you, but you must listen at least once to understand what I mean. Please click HERE. 

The other commercial I cannot stand is the one for At The Beach tanning salon. It features this weird, anorexic looking chick with a voice so low and drone-like that you assume she is a post-op transvestite or a really convincing cross dresser. 

Last but not least, almost all commercials that feature excessive sound effects, someone yelling at me to take advantage of this “once-in-a-lifetime” deal, or repeating phone numbers 20 times more than would ever be necessary. Good job, commercial- you succeeded at making me instantly change the radio station or TV channel.