Monday, September 10, 2012

The Nostrilator!

I have noticed that I possess a special power. I'm not sure if it has any promising potential or if anyone from Marvel could create a superhero based on my ability. Nonetheless, I noticed I have a bizarrely-acute sense of smell when it comes to perfume/scented toiletry identification. Specific, I know, but it is true. Today en route to the bus stop I found myself behind a woman walking extremely slowly in front of me. While attempting to pass her, I caught a whiff of her shampoo and distinctly identified it as Pantene. Erie. It is like I have a sixth sense. Actually, it is more like a fifth-and-a-half sense, more appropriately defined as a subcategory of the sense of smell.

This was somewhat revelatory for me. I have always been skilled at detecting the brand of perfume a woman uses and immediately know when a man has doused himself in Axe brand body spray. For some reason I negatively associate Axe with dirty men. Not dirty as in creepy middle school teachers with 70s mustaches that prey on their young students. I mean dirty in a literal sense, referring to guys that don't shower for extensive periods and attempt to mask their lack of hygiene with a body spray highly advertised as attractive to women. Let me tell you men who think that a cloud of body spray is a viable substitute for a shower- it doesn't work. Sorry.

Now that I have unearthed this secret talent of mine, I need to find a practical application for it. I need my readers to adorn their thinking caps because I am drawing a major blank. I did come up with a name for my superhero identity, however; The Nostrilator! Okay, maybe that lacks appeal. Not sure if moviegoers would attend that film. Not until I can concoct a viable arch nemesis. Logically, I suppose that would be a mutant creature comprised of piles of garbage and other vile-smelling things.

Any ideas? 

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