Gwyneth Overload

It seemed that my writing about Gwyneth Paltrow yesterday induced a an avalanche of her presence to come careening into my life. After blogging about her multitude of talents, I thought I was Gwynethed-out for the day. However, later that evening my friends and I decided to rent a movie, so I headed to the nearest Redbox to see what it had to offer. The choices were nothing to light sparklers and jump up and down about, but there were a few titles that I had been wanting to check out. Among them was Contagion, a film about a new deadly virus which spreads quickly and easily and is seemingly unstoppable. I can't think of a better way to spend a Saturday night than finding out if a vaccine will be developed or if the human race will fall.

Of course, the first actress to make an appearance is, guess who? My dear friend Gwyneth! Not looking so hot either, we got to watch a good ol' autopsy performed on her dead body (she was the one who started the spread of the virus- nice going). Not a "behind a curtain, you don't see anything" autopsy either- we had the privelage of seeing her scalp pulled down over her face. That makes for some nice dreams. After the movie, which was very good, I might add, I went home and decided to choose a DVD from my friend's collection which she had lent me. I was told that I must watch The Royal Tennenbaums so I put that in the DVD player. And, guess who is one of the main characters? Reese Witherspoon. Just kidding, it was Gwyneth. That movie was amazing as well- the lack of quality films I have seen saddens me.

It's not that I have anything against her. I just think it is creepily coincidental that right after blogging about her she was in the two movies I saw later. Maybe the universe is trying to tell me something, like that I should name my kid Apple.

Not her shining moment...

Multi-Faceted Celebs

Let me begin by saying that the movie Crazy Heart sat on my desk shelf unwatched for far too long. There was a period of time in my life where I was a bit irresponsible and would often buy pre-viewed DVDs at movie rental stores even if I had not seen them just because I assumed I would like them and because they were cheap. That has led to quite a build up of unseen films in my room, and let me just say that they take up a lot of space. Anyways, that side note aside, Crazy Heart was a worthy purchase, and it brought up yet again the subjects of celebrities that just seem able to "do it all".

I think the worst offender of this category of celebrities is Gwyneth Paltrow. She sang that song "Crusin' Together" or whatever it is called (and the songs in Country Strong), she had that show where she traveled around Spain and ate their best cuisine (which is when we discovered that she is fluent in Spanish, of course), wrote a cookbook that everyone just raves about (OMG, it's better than Martha Stewart!), successfully hosted SNL (emphasis on SUCCESSFULLY, there have been some painful hosts), and of course, is an accomplished actress. Oh right, and she is married to the lead singer of Coldplay. That makes her a wife, mother, actress, singer, writer, Spanish-speaker, world-traveler, comedian and also really sexy. I guess the only area where she falls short is her ability to name children. Apple? Really? That is just unsalvageable- there are no normal nicknames that can be derived from that.

What does Gwyneth have to do with the movie Crazy Heart? Nothing at all. But that movie contains some more multi-talented celebrities. I never knew Jeff Bridges could sing. Sure, he is no Frank Sinatra, but he can definitely carry a tune. And even more surprising was Colin Farrell. Seriously? He has an angelic voice, which seems highly uncharacteristic when you consider that he is always getting in trouble for drugs and getting with women. Or maybe I am thinking of Charlie Sheen. Or both. Anyways, at least Colin can sing to make up for it.


Ok Gwyneth, you are awesome. We get it.

RyanOrbitz

That would be the name of the ugly lovechild which would result from the union of Ryanair and Orbitz. I think of myself as generally level headed but was almost driven to the point of insanity where I would have needed to be wheeled away in a straight jacket.

Orbitz is a sneaky little rat of a company. For one thing, they make their complaint department's contact information so hard that it seems much like an astronaut in a space station trying to pinpoint the exact location of a microscopic organism with the naked eye. Even after plundering through every link on their website, I still had to resort to online chatting with a representative to ask for the address. Seriously? They have to know that their service sucks harder than a Miele vacuum (man, vacuum is the weirdest looking word) to go to that much trouble. I guess they figure that this way they have less of an avalanche of incoming mail because most people won't want to make the effort to find the address. In case anyone else wants to rant and rave to Orbitz about their service which makes French waiters look good, here is where you can send a letter:

500 W. Madison, Suite 1000 Chicago, Illinois 60661.

I'm sure you all want to hear about my oh-so-pleasant experience about how Orbitz rubbed me the wrong way so without further ado...

I spent an accumulation of over three hours with around 5 different customer service agents over the two days, and had seldom been more frustrated in my life. The purpose of my call to this department was to make a simple change to my flight itinerary, and to leave earlier than I had originally scheduled. The first agent I contacted to make this change informed me that I would need to cancel my entire reservation, which included two other flights (it was a multi-city itinerary), and then buy a new one. She told me that a refund would be issued to me for the first ticket in 45 days, which is a significant amount of time to wait for such a large amount of money, but I accepted and told her that I was alright with that. She found a new itinerary which was acceptable to me, and then placed me on hold to complete the transaction. I was on hold for around 15 minutes and the call was dropped. I waited about 10 minutes and received no return phone call, so I called again and was placed with a different agent. I explained what happened, and he told me something completely different than the first agent- that I would need to make these changes with United. He then told me that he would get a United customer service agent for me and transfer the call. He placed me on hold, and I had to hang up after 30 minutes because I never got a response.

At this point, I was getting frustrated to the degree that trying to do a 9x9 Rubiks cube would put me at, so I was pleased when I was connected with an agent who finally, it seemed, knew what she was doing. She said that she was sorry for the inconvenience and that she could make the change easily to a flight two days earlier and just would have to charge me a change fee. I said I understood so she went ahead and made the change, so I thought that the whole ordeal was finally solved. However, the next morning I received an urgent message from Orbitz on my voice mail saying that I needed to call them about my reservation. I called and explained my situation, and I was placed on hold for about two hours while the agent attempted to sort out all of the issues. She then got back to me telling me that I needed to call United the next day to sort all of it out on my own. This was one of the most frustrating moments I have ever experienced.

Now, if Orbitz decided to start booking flights on the demons of the air Ryanair, it would bring frustrations to levels so high that doctors would have to start handing out Xanax as if it were candy just to keep people from breaking out in riots and killing each other. That, or the world would implode.

Baby's First Card

While purusing the card selection at Target, I couldn't help but notice that there is a specific card for "baby's first (insert special occasion here". This seems silly for a plethora of reasons. First of all, as the card is read to its recipient baby, he/she will have no reaction whatsoever to the card and its contents save for perhaps a couple of indecipherable noises or spitting up. Perhaps "baby's first" cards make sense if the parents save the card for when the child has reached an age where they can appreciate it. However, if they simply dispose of these cards, what is the point of buying them? That is 2.95 (sometimes more, cards these days seem more overpriced than Spanish saffron) not very well spent.

Cards these days also are extremely over-specific. I am a firm believer that card companies are inventing new holidays just for the hell of it to up their annual earnings. I can just see those big wig card company folks sitting around one of those conference tables laughing maniacally and rubbing their pudgy hands together as they decide to start making cards which celebrate blue whale day. Though I guess that would make PETA happy. I also visualize these greeting card conspirators wearing Bugsy-Malone style pinstripe suits, just in case you wanted futher clarification of just how I was imagining them.

Let's face it- as Americans, we are spoiled with far too many choices. I almost wish that there would be just one card option for us to pick. It should not have to be so complicating- balloons on the front, Happy Birthday inside. Bam. Simplicity at its best. I have lost hours of my life attempting to select the perfect card. They have gotten far too specific with subsections of subsections for each holiday. To grandfather from granddaughter. To great aunt from great nephew. I would not be surprised if they start introducing categories like "to random woman from creepy stalker" or "to second cousin twice removed". When will this insanity end?

I am pretty sure that this extremely messy baby with an awkward tuft of blonde hair does not care about this card.

Losing Clementine

If Clementine, the lovable protagonist of Losing Clementine were to describe herself, she would likely string together some self-complimentary words laced with profanities (such as "f***ing hilarious"), but would also be sure to note that she was suicidal as well. The plot sounds exceptionally grim: it follows the preparations of artist Clementine Pritchard for her suicide. She has decided that she has exhausted every other option and is ready to check out early, so she begins work on her final piece of artwork and gives herself 30 days to take care of all that would need taking care of.

Losing Clementine is fast-paced, witty, entertaining and humbling and includes elements of humanity alongside the plethora of humor. The reader gets to be right in the middle of all of Clementine's thoughts and form a connection with her which makes her terribly missed after the back cover closes.

Sure, it may not be the next great American classic novel. But it is perfect for a quick and enjoyable literary experience.

Trapezoid-ish Shape of Friends

When you spend hours upon end hanging out with the characters of a novel, parting with them is, as they say, such sweet sorrow (emphasis on the sorrow when the hours were well-spent). In the case of Circle of Friends by Maeve Binchy, I was pretty bummed that I would no longer be able to have an outlet for my inner voyeurist by glimpsing into the minds of Nan, Jack, Benny and Eve (to name just a few of her colorful characters).

The plot summary on the back of the book reads almost like a slightly less "fluffy" version of a young adult melodrama, not straying too far from novels like Confessions of a Shopaholic. Binchy has immense skill when it comes to interweaving seemingly unrealated threads of a story into an intriguing literary tapestry. What begins as a simple story involving only a few prominent characters including the protagonist, Benny Hogan, slowly builds and builds until it involves all of the residents of a small town in Ireland as well as a good deal of students from a university in Dublin. I'm fairly certain that an experienced spider would have difficulty weaving a web of interconnected threads with such skill.

The plot comes off as simple enough- it is the tale of Benny, an Irish girl brought up in a one-horse town in Ireland called Knockglen, who heads off to University in Dublin and meets a new circle of friends (hence the title). However, despite this simplicity, it is full of juicy elements to hook the reader- love and lust, ultimate betrayal, friendship and loyalty, and everything else that humanity is based on. Her hometown and its inhabitants clash in dramatic ways which we see coming and those which we don't, with those of Dublin. One of the best parts of the book are when we know what is going on in the mind of certain characters and no one else does. This happens rather often throughout, and keeps the reader on the edge of their seat. All of the drama and complexities between all of the relationships among the characters lead me to think that their "circle" is more like a shape with many more sides.

I am not sure if too many male readers would enjoy this book, but it certainly was a great read without a dull moment. I heard that it was made into an abomination of a movie which was an embarrassment to the novel, so I don't think I will be checking that one out anytime soon.

I'll Never Let Go

You can say whatever you want about the film Titanic, but I contest that it is a truly remarkable cinematic feat. Call it cheesy, corny, sappy, melodramatic, or any other somewhat offensive adjective that you want, but I think that we can all come to the consensus that it is immensely powerful, especially when you consider that the sinking of the Titanic really happened. I have seen Titanic at least 10 times in its three hour entirety, and about 10 more times where I watch just the first half, meaning I have spent about 45 hours of my life poring over this film. It has never affected me in the way that it did on the big screen, however; and that would have been the case no matter what dimmension it was in.

Tomorrow will mark the centennial of the sinking of the Titanic. Therefore, it is being widely discussed on all forms of media- newspapers, radio stations, magazines and television channels are all running some sort of special piece to commemorate this event. And so many of these specials ask why it is that THIS event captivates us so immensely. I mean honestly, other ships sank and more people died, so why aren't we still talking about those tragedies so many yeaers later? The sheer irony of the situation is one of the contributing factors- the sinking of the "unsinkable". Hubris comes into play on that same note- in this way, Titanic is much like a Greek tragedy. Act cocky, and the stronger forces will get you for it.

The film emphasizes the stories and characters associated with the tragedy as well. You have the villains- Mr. Ismay, the cowardly designer who insisted that the last boilers be lit to make headlines upon a quicker arrival and then snuck onto a lifeboat in order to survive. Personally, I cannot imagine a life after committing such a cowardly deed. Then there are the heroes- true accounts like the young man who turned 18 on the voyage and therefore insisted that he was no longer a child, but a man, and gave up his seat on a lifeboat for a woman. Stories of women refusing to take a seat on a lifeboat in order to stay behind with the men that they loved. The captain, who was making what would have been his last voyage before retirement, who bravely went down with the ship. The humble creator of the ship, Mr. Andrews, who also went down with the vessel that he acknowledged to be flawed.

This, perhaps, is why the film is so powerful. It takes these characters and stories, both real and imagined, and shows us what it was like. It is these horrific events that make people reveal their true colors. How would we act in those scenarios? The people on the ship were so segregated just by class, but where did that get them in the end? Sleeping in elegant, four-poster beds turned down by maids as opposed to a bunk bed in steerage did not guarantee survival- 1500 individuals died in the North Atlantic on that night.

The movie also makes you think about the complete unknown that every single day presents and want to take Jack's advice- to make each one count. Things can change in an instant so cherish time with the ones you love. Seeing Titanic on the big screen is well worth the 12 dollars, and something that I highly recommend. Plus, I do not think there is a more romantic love story out there. When Rose jumps out of the lifeboat to be with Jack my heart does a sommersault.

Seriously- is anything more romantic than this scene?

Stripper Jokes

I am assuming that most of my readers are not too interested in my veganism, though I must say it has been going really well the past two days. Yesterday I felt more happy and energized than I have in awhile. I think it is because I upped my intake of B vitamins. Anyways, enough of my hippie-ness for now.

There are some people that just cannot take a joke, and one of those people happened to be a cashier at a shop in Flatiron's Mall yesterday. I stopped in to pick something up on my way to tutor, and I paid with a 20 and the cashier apologized as she gave me change in all 1 dollar bills. I told her it was fine, and joked that I would just look like I was a stripper for awhile. Apparently, she did not find that funny at all, and gave me a look which suggested that she was deeply offended and responded with the oh-so-intuitive comment "um... it spends the exact same." I wanted to tell her that I was very familiar with the workings of our currency, but did not really wish to further the conversation, so I just thanked her and left. Some people need their sense of humor checked. That should be a part of yearly exams at the doctor, though I am not entirely sure how it would work, because that which tickles our funny bones varies from person to person. I guess they could show a clip of a stand-up comedian who is generally accepted as comical by the average American and see if the patient laughs or not. The people who don't could be shut away to avoid awkward confrontations like that of me and the cashier lady.

The funny bone: missing in many?

I Want an Egg

Let me just start expressing my determination at finishing my 30 vegan days. It WILL happen, I mean heck, I have already made it 3 and a half days, how much harder can 26.5 be?

Yesterday I felt great in the morning, but that great feeling slowly morphed into a really strange weak feeling which I do not think I had experienced before. I blame the fact that instead of slowly weaning myself into this lifestyle, I decided to jump right in with both feet. That's the best way to adjust to pool temperature, and I wrongly assumed that the "dive right in" rule could be applied to all aspects of life.

In retrospect, it may arguably have been a better idea to stick my pinky toe into the pool and eliminate all meat for the first few days, then cheese, then eggs, and then the insanely specific things that vegans do not eat like milk fats and gelatin. Yes, that does mean no chocolate and no gelatin covered multivitamins. I have been reading labels like a fiend (not really sure how fiend-sytle label reading differs from that of regular label reading, but you get my point). I have also had to switch to a new supplement which provides nutritional support for vegetarians and vegans, because they tend to have a severe defficiency of vitamin B12. This happens because B12 is not found in any plant-based foods, which more than hints at the fact that humans are meant to eat some sort of animal product. I am just failing to see why it is a bad idea to eat eggs. The other aspects of veganism make more sense to me, and thus, after this 30 day experiment, I may only add eggs back into my diet. That is the only thing I am pining for anyways.

Okay, maybe not these eggs, they have creepy faces.

Yesterday for breakfast, I had a soy yogurt with mixed nuts, for lunch I had one of my vegan smoothies with a banana, spinach and blueberries, for a snack I had a banana, and for dinner I had some leftover of the pasta I made on Tuesday. Today, I decided to cook again, and I was impressed at the ability of bananas to immitate the properties of eggs in cooking. I thought that pancakes would have to be eliminated from my diet, yet replacing them with bananas worked perfectly and added a nice sweetness. That is as far as I have gotten today.

One thing that I can rave about like a lunatic in an asylum is coconut ice cream. This stuff is completely vegan and tastes just as good, if not better than the milk-based counterpart.

This stuff= YUM!


Veganism is not my whole life now despite what my blog may suggest. I do not just sit around brooding and thinking about the days when I ate chicken and cheese. I still do fun things like go to Celestial Seasonings with my mother for a free tour and tasting. I learned that decaf tea is not really tea, because it does not contain any part of the tea plant, but when the company attempted to market them as "herbal infusions", nobody really wanted to buy them. I hope I am allowed to be sharing this information and that it was not told to me under the Willy Wonka-esque assumption that we were sworn to secrecy in order to prevent spies from stealing their secrets. I suppose that is not a grand secret anyhow.

Day Two and Still Vegan

I spent a few hours of my day talking like a stroke victim due to some dental work which required numbing and injections. I could not feel my face for much longer than I had expected, but could luckily still taste my delicious green tea Frappucino from Starbuck's.

The specifics of being a true vegan can get more complicating than the control panels at a nuclear facility. Not that I have ever seen one but I imagine that they are pretty intense, and that every button/switch on the panels can determine whether or not a nuclear disaster is unleashed upon us all. Let's just hope that the Homer Simpsons of the world are not actually employed there. Anyways, PETA has a complete list of all animal-derived ingredients that can be found on labels. Most of them are harder to pronounce than half the words in the Czech language.

I actually wanted to try out a Starbuck's smoothie today and thus conducted a Google search on whether or not it was a vegan drink. It turned out that I could not place that order to the barista since a scandal occured only a few weeks ago informing the public that this drink is not vegan. Apparently, a vegan barista for the company released the information that the company uses extract obtained by crushing female cochineal beetles to make their strawberry Frappucino and smoothies pink. Lovely. So, there went that idea. I love the green tea ones anyways. I guess this whole scandal pissed off a lot of people though, since Starbuck's was advertising their soy strawberry Fraps as vegan-friendly.

I am sure you are all just dying to know what I ate for day two!
Breakfast: 1 cup of Dulce de Leche Cheerios with 1 cup almond milk and half of a sliced banana. These Cheerios are DELICIOUS, I might add!

Lunch: 2 Morning Star brand veggie burgers topped with Cholula hot sauce and mustard, 1 large carrot and hummus.

Snack: 1 grande soy green tea Frappucino

Dinner: this was my first time trying my hand at a vegan dish from scrach, and it turned out exceptionally delicious! It was a vegan pasta with mushrooms, spinach, crushed cashews, soy sauce, nutritional yeast (which adds a cheesy flavor), paprika, soy milk, and a few other spices. It really was tasty!

I think my favorite thing so far about my newly adopted veganism is the fact that there is basically no way you can be unhealthy when following a diet like this. Even vegan "desserts" are relatively healthy. I have been researching recipes and there was one for a vegan chocolate pudding which calls for an avocado, a banana, cocoa, and a few other ingredients which I cannot recall off the top of my head. It makes it unbelievably easy. Animal products have a ton of fat/cholesterol and when they are banned from what you allow yourself to eat, it makes nutrition much easier. We will see how much longer I can keep this up, but as of now I am considering it a positive change!

My First Day as a Vegan

Let me first say that this is my 100th post. I will let you all congratulate me whenever you so please. I intended for the main focus of this blog post to be in regards to my newly adopted vegan diet and how it went on day one, but some things happened at the wildlife refuge while I was volunteering that I just cannot deprive you from hearing about.

Today it was relatively busy and I decided not to wear my watch (seeing as how when I do I simply stare at it and watch four hours pass at snail-moving-through-molasses speed), so it went by fairly quickly. I also was the fortunate volunteer selected to feed the three baby foxes. Baby squirrels are a dime a dozen to me and become far less cute the more they urinate and poop all over my jeans, and full-grown animals just hiss/claw/bark/roar at me, but baby foxes are a different story. These little guys were playful like puppies and did not want to kill me so it was a wonderful experience.

However, the things that happened post fox feeding were grotesque to say the least. First of all, I got bitten by a baby squirrel. In my eyes, this particular creature is on the verge of not being considered a baby anymore- most likely the main contributer to her anger with me. She bit me and broke the skin, so I had to report the incident only to be informed that I was the first animal bite recorded all year. Yipee. I did not think it was a huge deal, but then I was alerted to the fact that rabies is not out of the realm of possibility, so I should carefully monitor it for the next week. I guess if I start foaming at the mouth, we all know why. This is not even close to the bad part of the day. My friend Liz and I were putting something away in the refrigerator and noticed a lovely container full of rabbit heads resting in a rather substantial pool of blood. Even years of watching Dexter could not prepare me for that sight. I thought I was going to pass out on the spot, and adding to the horrific situation was the fact that the heads were rotting and giving off a stench that I cannot even begin to describe. Better yet, a staff member walked by and saw the heads and mentioned that it would probably be best if we disposed of the heads. Oh. Dear. God. Please. No! We dumped the heads in a trash bag and I took them to the dumpster, leaving poor dear Liz to clean the blood-filled container. I have never been so horrified- I tried to chuck the whole bag into the dumpster but of course I dropped it and had to grab it by the other end to get it into the trash. Even thinking about it is making me nauseus all over again. I know you all loved that story.

Okay, ready for the vegan status report? The answer better be yes, because it is comng your way.

Breakfast: Liz and I decided to try out a restaurant called Crane Hollow which we drive past on the way to volunteer. It is a cute little place located in Hygiene. Let me just say that being vegan there made it easy to order, since there was only one thing I could have on the menu- the veggie scramble with tofu. Not bad with Cholula on top.
Lunch: I made myself a vegan smoothie. I have this stuff called VegaOne which is a flavored nutritional powder like a protein shake which I added to 1 cup almond milk, 1 banana and ice to create a flavorful smoothie.
Dinner: my mom and I went to Carrabba's. Another easy one, because once again there is only one vegan-friendly menu item. Thankfully, there is a website which lists all major restaurants and their vegan meal offerings, which is what I used to discover that the tag pic pac pasta is vegan. I had to ask the waiter, and he said they would have to substitute egg-free noodles, but it all worked out well. And it tasted great.


Tomorrow I am going to try my hand at some vegan home cookin'! I think that one of the main challenges of all this is that I cannot take any supplements with gelatin coating, nor can I take fish oil. What a drag!

So there you have it. I cannot say that I am experiencing any sort of changes mentally or physically yet, but it has only been one day. So maybe tomorrow the mad burst of energy will kick in and I will want to run a marathon. Who knows? Just as long as I never have to dispose of rotting rabbit heads covered in smelly blood, I can handle anything.

I spent part of my morning with three of these!

A Vegan Experiment

Today was my last day before embarking on my experimental 30 days as a vegan with potential to become a permanent change. About 15 minutes ago I fell into a rather nasty food coma after consuming I do not want to know how many calories, including the things I will miss most once going animal-product-free such as cheese, cheesecake and milk chocolate. I feel gross. Hopefully that changes starting tomorrow.

Why am I doing this? I could name about 60 reasons, but the most prominent are my desire to be healthier and more energetic (I have read countless testimonials of people claiming to feel miraculously better after going vegan) and my desire to have less of an impact on the environment. It's not going to be easy- especially when I go out to eat at restaurants. But hopefully the benefits will be worth it. I will keep you all posted on my dietary experiment! 

Vegas... *sigh*...

The retelling all of the events of my trip has morphed into a more tiring endeavor than running a marathon handcuffed to a 300-pound man. I'm sure all of your interest has waned by this time anyhow and you have all moved on like young children move on from fad to fad (for those of you unfamiliar with the mannerisms of young children and/or do not remember being one yourself, this happens rather frequently). But we have made it this far, and would be total quitters to give up now. So bear with me.

After seeing all of the free nighttime shows that Vegas has to offer, we headed back to the hotel to decide how we wanted to spend our final night in Sin City. Of course, we would be leaving bright and early the next morning to head home (we're talking the plumber's crack of dawn), which put a slight damper on any hardcore plans we may have wanted to concoct for the evening. We finally decided to head to Fremont Street, which is said to be like the strip far less jacked-up on steroids (okay, maybe only I said that). What we did not know before heading there, however, was that it was country music week there and that trying to get anywhere amongst these honky-tonk fans would be like a turtle trying to swim through a tub of molasses with an anvil strapped to its shell (that guy would not win against the hare... unless I guess if the opponent hare were also in the same molasses tub. Someone should write that children's book...). So, essentially we spent about 20 minutes trapped amongst sweaty, drunk, country-loving individuals trying to move about 5 feet. Not my ideal evening. We finally made it to some part-tropical island, part-Irish themed bar (think Leprechauns in Hawaii) and spent an insane amount on one drink each while listening to the band recite a horrendous cover of Katy Perry's Firework. Then we waited far longer than we should have for the bus while listening to various drunken conversations of other people waiting at the stop and then crammed into the vehicle and returned to the hotel, very ready for sleep and somewhat over the Vegas experience.

Then we drove home. Uneventful. THE END!

Do I Even Need to Title This One?

Reday to hear about more of my Vegas trip? If you answered "yes", then you are in for a treat. If you answered "no", well that is just too bad, becuase my mind is a-burstin' with some memories which are still fresh in my noggin' and just aching to be immortalized in a blog post. Unless some kind of crazy internet-destroying virus is birthed or machines take over and this is destroyed forever. In which case the permanence of these stories will likely be the least of my concerns.

So remember how I ended my last post informing you, my beloved reader, that some stuff happened and then it was day two (refer to my last post if your answer to this is no, you do not remember that)? Well, as you can imagine that "stuff"  involved a wee bit of drinking, and thus, the morning following was a bit like having a nail slowly driven into the side of my head when I woke up. It actually took quite a few attempts to even force myself to literally roll out the side of the bed and onto the floor, and substantially more attempts to get dressed and go to the pool, where I felt that some fresh air would cure my alcohol-induced ailments only to remember that, oh yeah, sunshine actually is completely unwelcome in those times and is harsh and blinding. Add to that the ever-blasting pop music and you have a situation that does not help at all.

I was wrong in thinking that nothing could be less theraputic to a hangover than Lada Gaga blasting and sun glaring into my eyes. The worst feeling I think I have ever experienced thus far is that of walking through a cloud of cigarette smoke alongside blinking and chiming slot machines watching gamblers drinking cocktails at 10 AM while already feeling nauseus. That is a feeling which I would never even impose on my worst enemy. The cure? A green tea frappucino from Starbuck's. Of course, it was not helpful that I tried to pay with my Starbuck's gift card only to be informed by a rather ticked-off employee that they don't take those, seeing as how they are a casino. As if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

After doing a lot of sitting around to recover enough to make our legs move, we headed off to the strip again to see all of the sights that we missed the day before- the lions at the MGM, the nighttime fountain show at the Bellagio, the pirate show (which is now actually a slutty siren show) at Treasure Island, and the conservatory at the Bellagio. What do all of these things have in common? They are all free. That is what happens when you do Vegas on a budget. Of course, everything cannot always go as planned, and there were no lions because they cage was being remodeled. I bet those things live a better life than 90% of the human population.

We had a nice dinner at a sports-bar-esque place in Planet Hollywood (where we somehow could not manage to find the Planet Hollywood restaurant...irony at its best). I had a chicken sandwhich with marinated mushrooms, in case any of you wanted to know (I'm sure it was a burning question in your minds).

Oh...my...gosh....writing these is seriously tiring. But, it will relieve some of you to know that I am almost done telling my tale. All that remains is the story of Fremont Street and the drive home. So, bear with me. Or don't.

Vegas: The Never-Ending Blogpost

Seriously, this is the third one and only represents two days. Maybe I need to cut back on my ranting a bit. Well... maybe after this post where I will complain incessantly about the obnoxious individuals who spend their time trying to get you to go to various nightclubs. Prepare yourselves.

As you walk down the Las Vegas strip trying your hardest to enjoy the weather and the sights, you find it a near impossibility to do so as you are constantly bombarded and even insulted by constant inquiries of whether you are going clubbing and if so, where. If you ignore them, they ridicule you "ha, good luck getting into the club, sweetheart! It's spring break!" (yes, it is comments like that which really make them approachable). It's bad enough that the streets are littered with practically pornographic fliers for hookers (unless you are a horny guy, I guess) which leave nothing to the imagination.

My friends and I tried various responses to these nightclub promoters from "we probably won't go out" to "we go to bed early" and the only one that seemed to work was "we are going home today". So, if you want to ignore these pests, go with that response. I am really confused about what could possibly be in it for these individuals, since we decided to try it out and got a business card from one of them and were later informed by the bouncers that it was no good when we tried to get into the club that the card was for. I guess it could just be a profession for people that have a knack for bothering others.

It just really rubs me the wrong way when people do not take no for an answer. If I say no, I do not want to go to your stupid club, leave me alone! Do not insult me or follow me- those are not reactions to which people generally have a positive response. One guy walked alongside us for essentially the entire length of a casino floor- why would that ever be a good idea? Like, suddenly right when we arrived at that last penny slot our minds would be changed and we would stop and ask the guy to add us to the list.

Anyways, those jerks aside we had a decent enough second day. We went to Madame Tussaud's wax museum which was somewhat creepy and then back to the hotel for a little shut eye. And then some stuff happened and then it was day three.

Vegas- Day TWO!

The suspense ends here! For any of you who are reading this and have not read part one of my trip, do not be lazy, refer to my previous post to catch up to my truly loyal readers. I don't do that thing they do in TV shows where they say "previously on (insert favorite show title here)". That is not my style.

Okay, moving on. I awoke the second day feeling substantially worse than the first- the body aches took on a whole new meaning and my head was throbbing. Most people wake up in Vegas feeling this way because they downed five bottles of vodka the night before (okay, that is a slight exaggeration, I know that would send someone instatntly to have their stomach pumped if not to the Pearly Gates), not because they have been targeted by an evil illness. However, I tried harder than the little engine that could not to let it get me down. We started the day with a trip to the pool on the labyrinth that was the 8th floor which took forever to find (I half expected David Bowie to appear in a cloud of smoke before us) and just relaxed and took a little hot tub break (it was a bit too chilly to swim when we got there). Afterwards, the three of us took the monorail to the other end of the strip to start our day checking out all the shiny sights of Vegas.

Liz had checked out a library book about Vegas which she brought on the trip, and here is my second tip to anyone heading there (something which can be applied to any vacation, really)- make sure that your book is relatively recent. We awkwardly tried to go to multiple places which were shut down and got very odd looks when we asked about certain restaurants. We attempted to go to the buffet in the Luxor which the book (from 2003) recommended and apparently it has been closed for a good number of years. Whoops. We definitely thought twice before listening to it again. Disappointed and hungry, we gave in and ate at the Pyramind Cafe instead where we were greeted with slow service and a waitress who was obsessed with topping off our waters to the point where I almost suggested she see a specialist about it. I mean, this was intense- our water would be a half inch below the top which seemingly set off a mental tick for her no matter where she was in the restaurant and sent her rushing to our table to eagerly fill the glass. I suppose that is better than an unattentive water lady, however. Maybe she just wanted to keep us hydrated.

After the Luxor, we started our walk up the strip, checking out New York and Paris and constantly accomanied by the clicking sound of people hitting cards for strippers together (why do they do that?) or being pestered by offers to be put on the list for nightclubs. Some of those people were extremely rude. I could, and most likely will, rant about them for an entire post.

Okay, there is a post to tide you over. Time for me to go to dinner.  

What Happens in Vegas...

...sometimes gets posted to my blog. Do not get too excited, though, not all of the crazy antics of three young ladies during their first trip to Sin City will end up on the net for all to see. Probably better that way, both for you, and for my hands which do not want to type out every single occurrence of the past four days.

Let me begin by saying that Mother Nature, or whoever is in charge of providing us with illnesses, is completely merciless. She knew full well that I would be departing for Las Vegas in the early hours of Wednesday morn, and yet instead of cutting me a little bit of immune slack as one would expect her to, becuase mothers are supposed to be nurturing and not vindictive, she was kind enough to bestow upon the back of my throat one of those telltale tickles which can only mean that a cold is coming on.

A few weeks ago, I spent three days among the company of family who seemingly had the flu or some form of it, and did I get sick? No. I took it easy before Vegas and tried to be healthy as the healthiest horse, got enough sleep, and did anything else that a doctor would recommend. I am baffled by the timing of this horrendous illness. It was not your average cold, mind you- it was a gross mutant cold seemingly hailing from another planet which weaked havoc on my poor little immune system leaving me with a sore throat, body aches and a cough which left me sounding like Lindsay Lohan after smoking 20 cigarettes in a row. It came on in full force during the car ride- though I was essentially fine during the first 8 hours, a tidal wave of aches overcame me for the last leg of the journey.

The drive in itself was nothing spectacular (obviously... I can't think of a scenario which would make an 11 and a half hour drive something to boast about. Maybe if you encountered a leprechaun riding a golden unicorn on the highway), but nothing horrendous either, save for the moronic truck driver who decided to attempt to pass another truck at the least opportune moment possible, thus forcing the left lane drivers to slow down to a pace which a snail would mock.

At around 4:45 after driving 11 and a half hours through four states, we saw it- Vegas, the little oasis in the desert of Nevada. Such an odd sight after hours of desert, rocks and shrubs being all that lay outside the car for so long. We arrived at our hotel, the Statosphere, waited in the registration line which dwarfed some lines at Disneyland, headed upstairs and unpacked our stuff. The room was nice, certainly no suite or anything, but decent enough to make any hostel look pathetic. We then made a couple of beverages and were off to explore the hotel. It was baffling to me that we could walk around with drinks and it was completely acceptable- I think it would have been more strange if we did not have any. After being asked by some creepy Iranian guy if we wanted to go to his hotel room and hang out with his friends (whom we shockingly rejected), we headed over to another line of people waiting to go to the observation room at the top of the Stratosphere. It certinaly was a sight to behold- a very impressive view. We then got some grub at a pizza place and headed back to the room.

Liz and I decided to try our luck on a penny slot- we were not feeling adventurous enough nor rich enough to try anything else. The look on the face of the employee when Liz asked him where we put the pennies in the machine was priceless- he acted like we were complete idiots to even think that they take coins at all. We spent far too long at those slots and did not realize at the time that you can get free drinks from the waitresses walking around the casino floor for FREE while you gamble! There's a nice tip for any of you Vegas virgins out there planning on taking a trip out in the near future. You can get any drink from them, just need to give them a tip if you feel so inclined.

See? My hand is already tired and it has only written about one day of the trip. Stay tuned!