Oscar Predictions

I could not care one iota less when it comes to the majority of televised sporting events, but when it comes to the Academy Awards, I quickly morph into the equivalent of the face and body-painted over-the-top fan waving a flag in one hand saying "(insert sexy athlete here) HAVE MY BABY" and pointing a foam finger obnoxiously in my neighbor's face.

Best  Picture:
Should Win: Although I felt that Nebraska was charming and artsy (it was entirely in black and white) and funny, it did not "wow" me enough to be a best picture winner. The Wolf of Wall Street, though crude and extremely long, embodied great film making from every perspective, in my oh-so-humble opinion.

Will Probably Win: 12 Years A Slave will win as another attempt to "make up for the past."

Best Actor:
Should Win: Leonardo DiCaprio all the way. His portrayal of Jordan Belfort bolstered his already impressive acting ability even further. He made me want to reach right through the silver screen and strangle him myself while simultaneously evoking pity. How does one even do that? Plus, we got to see his butt, so that's a plus (for us heterosexual ladies, anyhow).

Will Probably Win: This is between Christian Bale for American Hustle and Matthew McConaughey in Dallas Buyer's Club because they both underwent dramatic changes in their appearances for their respective roles. If I had to predict one winner, however, as only one can win, it would be McConaughey because he lost weight for his role where he appears rather emaciated and Bale simply had to pack on the pounds. As we all know, losing weight is far harder than gaining weight as I'm sure that while Bale was shoveling down a dozen Krispy Kremes washed down with Oreo milkshakes, McConaughey was drinking 8 ounces of raw, organic kale juice every day for a month. Then again, Chiwetel Ejiofor has a good chance to win too for his role in 12 Years a Slave because the Academy is likely guilt-ridden for the slavery/segregation. So, basically we will find out what trumps what: wright loss/gain for a role, or white people feeling guilty for the past.

I'm not sure which of the following images is freakier:

Best Actress: 
Should Win: Cate Blanchett. No contest. Although, "contest" essentially defines the Academy Awards but whatever. In Woody Allen's latest, Blue Jasmine, she played a neurotic character and redefined what it means to be on the verge of a mental breakdown (eventually being dead center of said breakdown). I pitied her, I laughed in her face when her "Xanax wasn't working" and I marveled at her stellar acting that she didn't have to gain or lose weight to accomplish.

Will Probably Win: Well, Meryl Streep has taken home the little golden statue enough times but they'll probably give it to her again anyway. Her or Amy Adams, just because it is a feat to marvel at that she has been in such a massive amount of movies in such a short period of time. I swear she has a Hermione-style time turner. Plus, she showed a lot of side-boob in American Hustle and spoke with a convincing British accent so I'm sure those could earn her an Oscar.

Best Supporting Actor:
Should Win: As much as I loved Jonah Hill as a weirdo quaalude addict with very obvious veneers married to his cousin in The Wolf of Wall Street, I want Michael Fassbender to win. His preformances have been overlooked far too many times and even though I did not actually see 12 Years a Slave, I assume it was the same caliber acting job as the rest.

Will Probably Win: Barkhad Abdi from Captain Phillips because he is the underdog contender from Somalia and it would make one of those feel good, rags to riches tales that we all love if he were to win. Or Jared Leto because he dressed up as a woman and lost a ton of weight for his role in Dallas Buyer's Club.

Best Supporting Actress:
Should Win: Ok, I know she JUST won last year, but Jennifer Lawrence blew me away in American Hustle. She was funny and evil and just perfect. I also adored June Squibb from Nebraska as the crude little old lady. Somehow, I found it gut-wrenchingly hilarious to hear the C word and other expletives emanating out of the mouth of such an adorable little grandma-looking lady.

Can you imagine this adorable lady swearing??

Probably Will Win: Lupita Nyong'o from 12 Years a Slave. See my reasoning for best supporting actor (except she is Kenyan, not Somalian).

Best Animated Feature:
Should Win: The Wind Rises. Not only am I madly, and I mean MADLY in love with Hayao Miyazaki (seriously, I would pull an Anna Nicole Smith and marry the guy but it wouldn't even be for the money- strictly for love), but this is his last film, so he won't even have another opportunity. The Wind Rises, about a young aeronautical engineer, is touching, charming, and visually invigorating.

So deserving I can't stand it

Probably Will Win: Frozen. It is a Disney movie that got a lot of hype. Enough said. Or, it could go the opposite direction and be Ernest & Celestine because it is foreign and the Academy likes those.

Okay, this blog is getting long and there are still far too many categories to predict. My cinematic tea leaves/crystal ball are getting tired. So, anything that is about cinematography or special effects should go to Gravity or The Hobbit. The rest, we will just have to see. And full disclosure: I did not see any of the documentaries or foreign films. I'm most excited to see Ellen host!

Hustle Me, Batman

I like being hustled as long as it is by an overweight Christian Bale (a.k.a Batman, if you didn't get the title reference) with an atrocious combover and a particularly foxy-looking Amy Adams. American Hustle's nomination for best picture was a head-scratcher for me, but if Jennifer Lawrence hadn't been nominated for best supporting actress I would have sat there ripping my hair out and stomping around like a four-year-old throwing a massive tantrum. Though she appeared a bit too youthful to play the part of the disgruntled and manipulative housewife and mother, she pulled it off perfectly, making audiences (or at least me) want rip my way though the silver screen and slug her in the face to prevent any future misery caused by her selfishness and ignorance.

The acting was more stellar than the Big Dipper and the little one combined. Amy Adams, who I truly don't understand how she has to much time to dedicate to such a wide variety of films, did a great job and, male viewers will be pleased to know, didn't wear much the entire running time. Bradley Cooper has come a long way since his days in The Hangover (actually, he just recently participated in a horrendous third installment in the series, but at least the quality films in which he is acting simultaneously partially make up for that atrocity). If he hadn't already proven his on-screen skills in Silver Lining's Playbook, his appearance in American Hustle would have.

Ick- she just look likes a catty b****

Quick plot summary: Irving Rosenfeld (Bale) and his main squeeze Sydney Prosser (Adams) spend their time conning the desperate with various schemes until FBI agent Richie DiMaso catches them and forces them to help him catch a corrupt politician in exchange for DiMasso not to press charges. Their highly sensitive operation is going swimmingly until Rosenfeld's nosy and obnoxious wife (Lawrence) threatens to expose the whole thing with her unintentional involvement. As previously mentioned, the wife is just awful in every way. She accidentally sets the house on fire multiple times, is a negligent mother, and threatens Rosenfeld whenever he mentions the divorce he and Prosser desperately want. Thus, she is the most entertaining character by a long shot.

Wow, Christian- you really let yourself go...

For me, the take away of this movie is that the acting is beyond superb (super superb?), it makes you wish you lived in New York in the 60s, and the plot keeps you entertained as long as you can actually follow it. The complexities in the plot in which important twists and turns happen at break neck speeds reminded me of Tinker, Tailer, Soldier, Spy. That movie just flew right over my head, despite my desperate attempts to understand the details. Yes, the actors nominated for their roles in American Hustle deserved their nominations. Especially Christian Bale just for sporting that horrific comb-over and gaining so much weight (the weight gain seemed to work for Charleze Theron in Monster). I do hope, however, that it does not take home the Best Picture prize. I have yet to be impressed by a nominated film to feel it is deserving.

Appropriately, This Series is Catching Fire

If little orphan Annie thought she had a "hard knock life", she clearly didn't know about Katniss Everdeen from The Hunger Games. Annie spent a couple years in a slightly sub-par orphanage surrounded by supportive friends before being adopted by a billionaire business titan with a heart of gold (though he may seem a bit gruff at first. Yeah, that is "hard knock" all right. Katniss grew up impoverished with her mother and sister barely surviving in a run down house, then is chosen by the corrupt government to fight to the death in a rigged arena amongst other kids. After reigning victorious, she thinks she is off the hook until the evil president threatens to kill her family because she unintentionally initiated an uprising against him. Then, to really stick it to her, the president makes her return to fight for her life a second time. I'd pick Annie's life situation in a heartbeat.

The Hunger Games: Catching Fire was cinematically pleasing. I'm unsure if it was intentional or not, but in the scenes in which residents of the corrupt Capitol were present, their faces were blurred- namely in the scene with the individuals creating the arena for the hunger games. This blatantly embellished the soulless, evil nature of those creating the environment in which children are forced to kill each other.

The acting substantially improved from the first film to the second. The addition of Philip Seymour Hoffman to the cast greatly contributed to the quality of the movie. Even Katniss and Peeta, played by Jennifer Lawrence and Josh Hutcherson, amped up their already impressive acting talents. I normally am not partial to liking Elizabeth Banks, who plays Effie in the films, as she gives off a conceited vibe in magazine and television interviews. However, even she managed to worm her way into my heart with her portrayal of the eccentric Effie. The young actress playing Prim, Katniss' little sister, bothered me to no end in part one of this trilogy. Thankfully, it seems she took some acting lessons and she no longer rubbed me the wrong way (wow that sounded dirty...). Long story short, the acting was substantially better.

Sometimes our fleeting memories can be a blessing. The reason I fancied part two in The Hunger Games film series substantially better than part one is likely because I forgot so many details from the book, and therefore was unaware of what was left out and changed. I was no less happy about the characters created by my mind while reading the books being torn to shreds, but it seemed slightly less upsetting as I had adapted after the first film thus eliminating the shock value. I also appreciated that while the running time sounds daunting at 2 hours and thirty minutes, not for a second did I feel bored.

Yeah, your life really sucks Annie

Katniss has actual troubles