Sunday, August 31, 2014

They Do It in India, They Do It in Japan

No, my blog did not just take a leap to NC-17 rated material. Sorry, all my perv readers out there (hopefully none of you...). I am not referring to "IT" in the sense that giggly 5th graders in Sex-Ed often do. I am referring to a cultural practice which, though it may sound nice in theory, is something I am SO thankful we don't do in the US of A. The practice to which I am referring is that of wearing different shoes indoors and outdoors.

Changing shoes when you enter a building from outside sounds like a good idea, as previously mentioned, in theory. It seems that it would prevent floors from getting contaminated with the filth tracked in from outside. However, the nitty-gritties of the practice are what disgust me and convince me of the repulsion resulting from it.

Two words, ladies and gents: loaner shoes. Yes, if you do not have your indoor shoes with you when you enter a building requiring the removal of your outdoor shoes, you need to BORROW the designated guest indoor shoes provided by the establishment. I cannot even fathom the number of strains of fungi hanging out inside of those loaner shoes. I mean, depending on the visitor traffic of the place, there could be hundreds of pairs of feet sliding in and out of those things DAILY. That includes the feet of extremely unhygienic people who shower a maximum of once a week. I'm sorry, but shockingly I would rather soil the holy floors of a building than put my foot where those feet have been. Gross.

NO! Not the LOANER SHOES!!

Friday, August 29, 2014

A Slab of Salmon and Underestimating My Age...

...are all it takes to win my heart. At school, I am reluctant to eat with the students since I often feel like either a circus act with all the kids laughing at me because I don't speak Japanese or the last kid picked for the sports team because no one wants to sit with me. Today, however, my faith in the kiddos was restored by one gleaming beacon of hope in the form of a 7th grade girl. I am scared to name her because of the terrifying Japanese privacy laws, so I will avoid referring to her by name.

Since my first day, I have been told numerous times about the English speech contest that will take place next month. Apparently it's their version of a spelling bee- it is prestigious and the students spend hours and hours of their free time preparing for the event. On day one, I began editing a manuscript from the school's top contender for the contest. Based on the quality of the writing, I assumed it was one of the older students since I could find very few mistakes. When I finally met the writer at lunch today, I was astounded at how little and young she was. Thankfully, she sat across from me at lunch and made conversation with me in flawless, native-sounding English. She looked quizzically at my sad salad and asked if I would be hungry after. I told her not to worry but she said that she hates salmon and offered me part of her school lunch. I greedily gobbled up what was some of the best salmon I'd ever had, and she looked extremely pleased. She instantly won herself a prime spot in my heart. I'm like a whale at Sea World- just give me a fish to make me happy.

All it takes...

After lunch, she asked if she could practice her speech with me. She read it with hardly any hint of an accent and I applauded her instantly, telling her how thankful she would be later in life that she mastered English so well at such a young age. Then she asked me to read it so she could hear it from a native speaker and after I finished she said "wow, that was amazing!" with the biggest awe-struck eyes I had ever seen. Then we looked through my photos and I asked her to guess how old I was. When she said "20" she earned herself even more Marisa brownie points. Perfect child. When looking at my photos she said "wow, everyone in your life looks so happy and joyful! I want to know them all!"

It's kids like her that make teaching completely worthwhile. 

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Don't Cry Over Spilt Milk

I had the most ridiculous and hilarious experience at lunch (remember, I have learned to laugh at my own misfortune). Normally, (I say that as if I have been teaching longer than two days...) I fend off the kids before they can place a milk carton in front of me at lunch (my vegetarian slash lactose intolerance means I bring my own lunch) but today I didn't manage to do so. Putting the milk back would be as rude in Japanese culture as a man itching his groin and belching while entering a room would be in ours. So, obviously I couldn't do that. Why not just pretend to drink it, you ask? Well, after finishing the last drop, the kids have to UNFOLD and flatten the carton, reverse-oragami style, meaning that if the tiniest drop remains it will spill all over the place.

Pretty much...

So, knowing full well that my body would launch a mutinous attack against me by allowing lactose, which it is unable to digest in such large quantities, into my body, I guzzled it down as fast as possible. The bloating began almost instantly, and embarrassment was soon to follow. I couldn't for the life of me figure out the carton-folding process, so a 14-year-old student had to come to my aid and while he meticulously undid the carton, it became clear that I did not consume every last atom of milk since it spilled all over the desk and dripped onto my pants. The pre-teen girl across from me handed me a pack of tissues with the expression "wow, what a stupid American..." plastered across her face.

Not the best impression to make at lunch. At least some of the kids think I am comical now. And, as long as I laugh with them, they aren't exactly laughing AT me, right?

Saturday, August 23, 2014

Settling In

I'm sure you have all been jonseing badly for some updates on my life over here in the land of the rising sun (or is that Korea... I should probably know that if I'm going to be in an Asian country). So, I am currently in Ageo, Japan, a city about half an hour north of Tokyo. Originally, I was going to be teaching in a tiny rural village (I'm not even sure its size could qualify it as a village... it was like a village-ette). The second I got to my apartment essentially located in the middle of a creepy forest, I knew there was no way I could stay there. I demanded a new placement and was moved here to Ageo the next morning.

So the  language barrier is nuts. I stare at symbols meaning nothing to me every day, point to things at restaurants and have no idea what I am about to eat when my meal arrives, and whenever someone asks me a question I stare blankly back with an expression of utter confusion. I've learned a few tips, however- for example, whenever I speak English to a Japanese person I need to Japanese-itize my words. When I say class, I pronounce is "coo-rah-suh." When I say bathroom it is pronounced "bahss-uh-room-uh." Etc, etc. It is hilarious because I say the word "bathroom" as I normally would 5 times and am greeted with that same aforementioned blank look of confusion and the second I add my Japanese spin on it, it is quickly understood.



Cool things about eating out here...
First, on the tables in some restaurants, there is a little bell you can ring to get a waiter to come rushing quickly over. That is so smart! Also, it is often customary for the oldest diner to pay, and then afterwards the other diners can ask if they should pay him or her back, and the oldest person almost always refuses saying it was "on them." Awesome. I am only going to hang out with old Japanese people. Wow that sounded creepy.

Poor translations are also common and comical. One of the best I have seen so far is the popular second hand store here called Hard Off. I guess at least it isn't Hard On? I also saw a hotel in Tokyo called Hotel The Glanz. Once again, looking at the bright side, at least it isn't "Glands."

Everyone thinks of Japan as a technologically advanced place, but I have discovered that aside from a few things like the presence of iPhones everywhere, it is more like technologically advanced was in the 1980s. There is weird synth-pop playing all the time, and wifi is scarce- you are more likely to find ethernet cords everywhere (even in hotels).

I will take some pictures of my apartment to post later. It is actually a pretty cool place, perfectly sized for me. 

Thursday, August 21, 2014

Welcome to Japan

I can see all of your worried faces now and read your distressed thoughts and worries surrounding whether or not I made it safely to Japan, the land of sushi and anime. Well to put an end to all of your worries, I am here safe and sound in Ageo after much trial and tribulation thus far. I departed San Francisco on the eve of August 16th and flew via Philippine Airlines to Tokyo via Manila. Honestly, the safety video shown by that airline made me laugh hysterically. 

Oh man. The sheer comedy of it all. So when I landed in Tokyo I was excited and nervous. People instantly showed off the kindness for which they are known. I showed an airport employee at the immigration line my passport and he saw my work visa and escorted me kindly to the "Priority and Business Line." Awesome. I felt SO V.I.P. After getting through the airport the next step was to get on a train up to Sendai in the north of Japan. Doing so with 5 bags was no easy task alone. And yet, with all of the automatic help offered by the Japanese, I felt so far from alone. At one point, I dropped my bag down an escalator and a man ran after it instinctually, then grabbed it and waited for me at the bottom where he handed it to me and bowed before continuing on his way. 

Honestly, the kindness that the Japanese exhibited to me on that first day alone made me feel completely welcome. Everyone bowed at me non-stop, and apologized frequently for their poor English which also made me feel guilty for being the ignorant American who couldn't speak to them in their own language.  

Much more to come of course...

Blue Lawn Chair

Apparently, I care about lawn chairs. I’ve always known that I typically give inanimate objects personalities and feelings. The “As-is” sect...