Bella and Ana: What's the Difference?

I’m not nearly as embarrassed as I should be about the fact that I read both the Fifty Shades trilogy and the first book in the Twilight series within a two-month period. In doing so, I realised that one author, whether intentionally or otherwise, completely copied the other in her characterisation of the lead female of the story.

Let me begin by pointing out the similarities in the names of the leading ladies. In Fifty Shades, we have Anastasia Steele, who goes by Ana for short. In Twilight, the main female is Isabella Swan, who goes by Bella for short. Seriously? The similarities don't even come close to ending there. Both are described as plain looking and extremely pale with mousy, long brown hair. Both girls apparently are never hungry and rarely eat, sometimes only at the urging of their beaus, so are rail-thin. They both claim to completely lack grace when it comes to attempting to play sports.

Even their interests coincide. Ana and Bella both share quite frequently during their narrations that they love literature, especially the classics, and spend a good deal of their free time reading. They both grew up as outcasts in a way, lacking many friends and not dating much if at all. They are also both old souls.

Aside from the fact that one is a vampire, the men with whom these similar ladies fall in love are also surprisingly similar. Both have classic, somewhat-antiquated names. Edward and Christian. Both spend a substantial amount of time warning the leading ladies that they are dangerous and that they should “keep away from them.” Both are rich and drive fancy cars and save the main females from peril multiple times. Both, of course, are “gorgeous” and “flawless” and drive other females crazy, making the “plain” and “ordinary” women they choose so confused as to why they chose them.

Even the SETTINGS of the stories are almost the same. Both take place in the Northwestern United States, in Washington. Bella and Ana take trips to Seattle. Both have mothers who are divorced and who live in far away states.

In conclusion, Bella and Ana are clearly the same person.

Fifty Shades of BLAH

The third installment in the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy was one of the most terrible novels (as far as plot goes) that I have ever read in my life. I mean literally, it was painful to get through almost every page. I only forced myself through it because I had already read the first two and for some unknown reason I came to slightly care what happens to the characters. I just happened to be invested by that point.

Okay so I GUESS I should mention that the following contains spoilers about what happens in the third book of the Fifty Shades trilogy, but honestly, there is not much to give away. If you have a slight amount of common sense you can infer what happens after reading the first page of the first book. But, whatever, if you really want to hold on to the minimal suspense accompanying not knowing what happens in the third book, stop reading now.

The series went from a steamy novel about an innocent 21-year-old driven mad by the sexy charms of an older man interested in BDSM to a story about a rich married couple with nothing but a bunch of white people problems to desperately attempt to inject conflict into the story. Where should we buy our third mansion? Should we have three spoiled kids or just two? Is a Mercedes fancy enough or do we need to go with a Lamborghini?

Those days are gone...

I was annoyed with the protagonist, Ana, from page one of book one, but in book three she becomes somehow more unbearable still. For example, she goes on and on about how she never eats and thus is super thin, and how Christian (sexy man) gets mad at her for never eating. Is this really the kind of character with whom girls should be sympathizing? I think not. There are enough young women with eating disorders at this point. She also complains whenever Christian gives her an expensive present, but then instantly gets over it. Like, in one scene he buys her a brand new R8, whatever the hell that is, I am not a car person, and she gets all pouty about it for a grand total of about one second and then

shrugs her shoulders and decides she may as well get used to being richer than Bill Gates.

This raises another question: how exactly did Christian come in possession of such vast amounts of capitol? He is not a trust fund baby exactly, and he is vaguely described in the beginning of the series as a CEO of a company. Could the author be any more vague? Christian Grey is supposed to be 27 and filthy rich. Not buying it. I guess I shouldn't have expected much in the way of plot for an erotic novel series. I admit I didn't know was to expect.

So basically, Ana started out as a somewhat strong and independent female character and morphs into a woman who get married to the first guy she dates and then becomes filthy rich and does whatever he says. Okay, being dominated in the bedroom is one thing, but having him tell her what to do elsewhere is not cool if she is allegedly a strong female lead. Perhaps one of the most irritating moments was when she wanted to keep her maiden name at work and is “determined” to do so no matter what Christian says and then instantly caves when he asks her to change it. Real strong, Ana, real strong.

There is also a point where her father is in the hospital, and she still goes back to have sex with Christian right after visiting him. That is messed up on so many levels. I mean, come on, they do the nasty basically every time they lay eyes on each other, I’m pretty sure one night off is not going to do anyone any harm. On that same note, the libidos of both characters are just unbelievable. Like, once you have been with someone for a certain amount of time, I don't care how sexy he or she is, your desire levels inevitably dip at least a little bit.

Perhaps my issue was just having far too high of expectations for an erotic novel. That is just simply not how I get my kicks. I prefer a little bit of a plot. I mean no offense whatsoever to the author of the trilogy, even though I just spent a good deal of time bashing her novel. Props to her for creating a worldwide phenomenon. She is probably so stinking rich at this point that any form of criticism, especially from a little nobody teacher in Japan, doesn't even slightly bother her. I hope that is the case, and that she doesn't send out assassins to “take care of me” on her behalf.

I Don't Feel in Need of a Cold Shower...

Fifty Shades of Grey is an erotic novel. It says so right on the back cover, warning potential readers of the "mature content" within. Yes, I admit, it goes into extreme depth graphically describing sex scenes between the two main characters, Ana Steele and Christian Grey. Yet, at one point, I wanted to scream "enough, already!" I just wanted them to do something normal, like go out to dinner or see a movie. Even the most extreme nymphomaniacs don't spend 24/7 tangled up in the sheets or doing it in the tub. After 10 straight pages or so dragging on and on describing sexual encounter following sexual encounter, I must admit I am ready for a change.

Even the most graphic, well-written descriptions of sex (which these aren't), can drag on way, way too long. In my opinion, anyways...

The things that get Ana Steele "turned on" confuse me a bit as well. There is a scene where she talks about how bad she wants to use his toothbrush because it would be like having his mouth in hers or something equally gross. Sorry, but in what universe is using someone else's toothbrush sexy? Maybe she has a secret fantasy of doing it in a dentist's chair, too. And in reference to her point about "having his mouth inside hers," weren't their seemingly endless make-out session the night prior enough to satiate this desire? 

About every other sentence (okay, slight exaggeration, it's more like once or twice every page), Ana "bites her lower lip" which "drives Christian crazy" and makes him want to jump her bones on the spot. After the first few mentions of her weird lip-biting habit, I got really frustrated reading about it. But it just NEVER, EVER ENDS! I want to reach into the book and rip the phrases about her lip biting right off the page. Anyone who has read it knows to what I refer. 

Also, I am really unsure about the actor they chose to play Christian. He is supposed to be a hunky, super-ripped, chiseled sex god. I mean, the guy they chose is certainly attractive, but not quite to that degree, in my opinion. I would have been way happier with JT. Look at this smoldering gaze. 

These are just my opinions after reading the first half or so. I may throw in the towel and quit before the end, but I feel like since I made this much effort, I better just be a trooper and follow through. I mean, I did spend a whole three dollars on it at a used book store... that is QUITE the investment... 

Penis...description...overload...