My Favorite Things

Don't worry, I am not about to launch into verse after verse about cream-colored ponies and crisp apple strudels while twirling around in a snow-capped mountain range, nor am I about to morph into a talk show host raving about the latest bath soap that doubles as dessert and that just so happens to be in the goody bags beneath the seats of every audience member. That was a reference to Oprah's yearly "Favorite Things" show, if you didn't get that. As is the case with the majority of the female gender, the following list of things I love is subject to change with any emotional whim. Except number 7. My Indian food love is unconditional and forever binding. Til death do we part (actually I sure hope there is Indian food to enjoy in Heaven).

1) Ed Sheeran- this young man's silky smooth voice with a notable English accent must be laced with some sort of Disney-esque fairy tale spell that causes my knees to weaken whenever my ears behold it. No matter how heightened my anxieties, they are instantly lessened by listening to Ed. It doesn't even matter what he is singing about- young, desperate women addicted to cocaine ("A-Team"), or falling madly in love (basically all of his other songs). Just as icing on the cake, he is an adorable ginger, collaborates with Taylor Swift, plays the same guitar as me, and wrote the song for the ending credits in most recent installment of The Hobbit.Can a musician get any better? Not in my book.

Ed, you are amazing

2) White boy Reggae- I like the traditional stuff as well, but there is something charming about this offshoot of the genre. If you have never heard of white boy reggae, well, that makes me sad, but I'm not surprised. Actually, I bet a lot of you have heard it and never realized- it is comprised of bands like Slightly Stoopid and Rebelution. I find it ceaselessly entertaining to listen to a group of Caucasian men trying to emulate the African-American vocal rhythm while singing in the simplest way that everything is going to be just dandy if we hug and love each other. Click here to listen to a perfect example if you still have no clue what I am talking about.
3) Soy lattes topped with cinnamon- call me a supporter of evil corporations crushing the "little guy", but my favorites generally come from Starbucks. Their lightly-sweetened vanilla soy milk creates the perfect latte texture (probably from some sort of additive that only evil corporations would add).
4) Not-so-serious murder mysteries- I have issues stomaching the traditional, dark murder mystery about a crazed serial killer scooping out the eyes of corpses with melon ballers and removing their fingernails. Wow, that was a messed up thing to even write. I am happy to say that my mind was not twisted enough to come up with that- April said it on the show Parks & Recreation. No, I prefer "fluffy" narratives that still keep you hooked like Skinny Dip and Gone with a Handsomer Man.

A cover like this isn't going to keep the reader up at night

This cover looks more like it would be for an erotic, adult novel. Also, I just discovered how many
horrifying images come up when you do a Google image search for "skinny dip"

5) Books by comedians- speaking of my favorite things to read, this literary genre and the fluffy mysteries are currently battling for my affections. I never realized until I read Mindy Kaling's book, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns) just how fantastic comedians turned authors can  be at writing. They also resonate a genuine aura making me want to shell out money on full-priced, physical versions of their books (as opposed to illegal PDF downloads, not that I would ever do that...) because I want to support them. No one deserves my money more than those who can make me break out in a gut-busting laughing fit.
6) Unreasonably long showers- this love of mine could also be listed as the sole item under "Marisa's character flaws". Unfortunately for potential employers interrogating me during a job interview, this is the only answer I can come up with for the dreaded "in what areas can you still improve?" question. I adore standing for insane amounts of time under a scorching hot stream of water. No better way to wake up in the morning except the French Cafe Pandora station (see number 8 on this list), or to refresh from a workout.
7) Indian food- from Chana Masala to chicken Vindaloo and every dish in between, this breed of ethnic food sits alone and unchallenged on a gluttonous pedestal in my heart. My one beef with Indian/Nepalese/Tibetan restaurants is the inconsistency with their spice levels. All owners of these establishments should attend a conference to decide a standard. At one restaurant, I will request "the spiciest possible" and the waiter scoffs, clearly thinking "yeah, this crazy white girl wishes she could handle that!" and brings me the most mild Aloo Gobi I have ever tasted. Then at my next dinner out, the same request will bring a Daal soup that singes my taste buds to a crisp.

This is making me drool like an animal 

8) The French Cafe Pandora station in the morning- yes, this love of mine is overly specific, like a graduate student studying 16th century Buddhism in Normandy, France (that guy isn't getting a job anytime soon, I hope his debt is not too astronomical). However, if you ever experience sluggish mornings, you will find this station a better cure than a caffeine-amphetamine cocktail pumped into you intravenously.
9) The Sunday paper- speaking of morning rituals, what is a Sunday morning with no newspaper? Yes, I realize that print media is antiquated, but I simply couldn't give more of a rat's ass (pardon my crass language). Some may argue that newspapers on tablets are just as good, but there is something charming about the way the weekend ads spill clumsily out of the enormous bundle of printed articles covering topics from serious, world news to light celebrity gossip. Plus, who doesn't LOVE reading Parade magazine?? They did not even have to pay me to write that glowing endorsement.

And thus concludes my list of favorite things. For this week, anyway.

Best Impulse Buy Yet

I spent 11 dollars on a book. With the technology available allowing today's reader to simply download the book for a fraction of a fraction of that cost or to buy the physical thing online for a fraction of the cost as well, that 11 dollars qualifies as an impulse buy. Therefore, I expected a lot from this reading experience- if I didn't start laughing embarrassingly loud on the first page, I would have stormed back into Target demanding a refund (and I certainly wouldn't want to burn any bridges with my beloved Target).

Honestly, I was just looking for a good time when purchasing this book, much like the sleazy, portly balding man at a bar desperately attempting to pick up chicks and eventually giving up and calling a cheap hooker. But then, at least in this analogy, he comes to realize that the hooker has a heart of gold and gives better advice than Dr. Phil (bad example- his advice is crap) and Dear Abby's love child (Dr. Abby?). Sorry this comparison is a bit abstract- in it, I am the creepy balding man perusing the book shelves looking for a serious read and caving in and picking up the Mindy Kaling book as a last resort just for fun. Yet, as I flipped through the pages, some turned out to be chalk full of fantastic, life-altering advice. Listed below, in no particular order, are the most prevalent pieces of advice that stuck with me like Gorilla glue (superglue's even more intense cousin).

1) Don't complain about stress- her words of shining wisdom: "I do not think stress is a legitimate topic of conversation, in public anyway. No one ever wants to hear how stressed out anyone else is, because most of the time everyone is stressed out. No one is going to say, "Wow, Mindy, you really have it especially bad. I have heard some stories of stress, but this just takes the cake." (Kaling, 75). Wow, I have not annotated anything like that since high school. See, your lessons stuck with me even if your name didn't, Mrs. High School English teacher! Let me begin by saying I love her use of italics to portray irony. Perfect. Immediately after reading this, I started thinking twice about when complaining.

2) Be comfortable in your body- Mindy shares anecdote after anecdote about her size. Though hardly notable when not under the scrutiny of society's magnifying glass, Kaling is a size 8 and was a chubby child, putting her at the mercy of bullies. Her complete comfort and confidence regarding her size are truly inspiring and make her a rare beacon of hope as a role model for girls today. She begins the book with explaining why she could never be thin, one of the reasons being she would lack the insulation to keep warm. That was one of my first laugh-out-loud moments in the book.

Mindy loves her size and is freaking gorgeous and confident

3) Date men, not boys- had I been drinking something while reading this section, it would have erupted out my nostrils (nice image, I know). Mostly because I know the difference first hand between dating the immature vs. the mature man, and Mindy captures the hilarity in it so perfectly. As Mindy accurately points out, "Men know what they want. Men make concrete plans. Men own alarm clocks. Men sleep on a mattress that isn't on the floor. Men tip generously. Men buy new shampoo instead of adding water to a nearly empty bottle of shampoo. Men go to the dentist..." (Kaling, 177). Okay, you get the point. All spot-on observations, Mindy!

Reading this book before bedtime tucked me in better than a Swiss au pere just shipped in from the old country. I greedily and eagerly gobbled up page after page before turning in and fell asleep content and dreaming of stories from Mindy's childhood and early days as a writer for The Office. The book I read prior more closely emulated a frightening, Russian butch woman. The thrilling contents of its page chronicling the events in a murder mystery were not exactly conducive of a good night's sleep. Thankfully, that all changed when my dear Mindy's words cradled me in their literary arms.