The Battle Between Tights and Compression Socks

So, previously I wrote a blog expressing my “undying” love for pantyhose and their near-required nature in Japanese society. Well, that love has officially died, and I retract every positive statement I ever made about the evil, restrictive items of poorly-made clothing except for how nice they make my legs look. Since Japanese women tend to be completely fine with suffering to look attractive, it makes perfect sense that they would opt for complete discomfort in exchange for sexy legs . So, within the first week, I spent about $8.00 on two pairs of pantyhose under the misplaced assumption that they would last a long time. False. After about one week, my nail got caught in the flimsy, good-for-nothing material of one pair and ripped a gigantic hole in it. Great. Four dollars down the drain.

NOOOOO

 Aside from their complete lack of longevity, pantyhose are uncomfortable, ride up your bum, make your legs sweat uncontrollably, and take about 20 minutes to put on. If you try to pull them up in haste, they rip and you are out the four bucks.

This list on BuzzFeed of the 28 Reason Tights are the Worst came about at the perfect time to supplement my rant. One of my favorites is number 12. Yes, you can opt to buy the horrible, cheap tights, but those rip even faster than their expensive counterparts. Occasionally, I have accidentally ripped them just taking them out of the packaging. Maybe if they didn't rip, Bill Murry wouldn't have endured this awkward encounter:

On a more positive note, I have discovered the magical, wonderful alter-ego of pantyhose: compression socks. Compression socks are amazing; a statement which I hope not to have to retract later. They improve circulation in your legs, making working out substantially better. As opposed to dreaded pantyhose, compression stockings are useful in all situations. Traveling by plane? These bad boys will keep the blood flowing in your legs and possibly prevent blood clots. Going to the gym or for a run outside? They will keep your legs supported. Just hanging out? They make your legs look rocking under most outerwear, or like a sexy schoolgirl in a skirt. Which would be a bit creepy for me since I'm a teacher so perhaps not the best option for me. But if you are into that kind of thing, it's your life. Apparently compression socks help you sleep better too, but I cannot confirm that with my own experience yet. Look for that in part two. Not really, actually; that would make for a very boring blog. 

So, who wins the battle? Compression socks, obviously. There was never much going for the tights side anyways except for sheer vanity. There's a nice little play on words for you guys. Sheer vanity. Get it? Because tights are sheer. Okay, I need to stop right there. 

Kids Love Meth

So lots of rather comical things happened in school today, many of them only comical after the fact. I somehow came in possession of a newfound and completely invalid sense of confidence in my Japanese abilities to the point where I decided to test them out in class . I'm sure many of you can sense where this is going. I wrote a sentence that said "when I went to India, I ate a lot of curry" and completely confused the words for "when" and "where" in Japanese and ended up writing the word for "where" underneath the English word "when." Whoops. So, due to misplaced overconfidence I ended up confusing the kids instead of educating them.

In another class, I just had to laugh at the ridiculously long time it takes to say the shortest sentence in English. I said "Mario went to Italy to eat pizza" and the kid translating it in Japanese sounded like he was reciting a Tolstoy novel or the Gettysburg Address. Actually, the Gettysburg Address is not so long as I now well know since a student is memorizing it for the upcoming speech contest.

Last hilarious, and I mean seriously hilarious moment was in one of my classes where the students were learning to write about what someone else likes or does not like. So the activity instructed that they talk to the other students and ask them what they do and do not like and then write three sentences with the results. So, as I paced up and down the room checking students' work as they wrote, I noticed a frequent recurrent mistake. When students meant to write "I like math," they often wrote "I like meth." It took every ounce of my self control not to make a horrendously unattractive snort laugh noise and politely correct them instead.  

Lost In Translation

Sorry to those who thought they were about to read a review about one of the best movies ever made, but this post is about how much is literally lost in translation here in Japan. The language barrier is thicker than a brick wall reinforced on both sides with a steel titanium alloy. This means, of course, that I am out of the loop on basically all topics when it comes to discussions in the teacher's room. For example, one day I slaved away all morning in preparation for my level three classes only to discover once I got to my first one that it was a different schedule that day. The English teachers all seemed shocked that no one told me, and I realized that they probably did, but in Japanese.

Most moment of best movie ever

 Being out of the loop is better sometimes, however. During the sports day at school where the students participate in relay races and other games, I was told shortly before one relay that I would be participating as a runner. Had I known about that ahead of time, I may have backed out due to anxiety from anticipation. The same goes for when I found out that I would be judging an English speech contest. I suppose, to be fair, I had pretty ample notice on that one- about one week. But, when I was told about it, it was in a tone expressing shock that I was unaware of it before.

Sometimes the attempted translations are just plain hilarious. The other day, I went to an electronic store to find out about getting a phone here. The whole process was just ridiculous as the representative did not speak a word of English and we took turns using his iPad translation app to communicate. My favorite was at the end, before I left after trying to explain that I would have to think about it, he told me to wait and typed something into his translator. He turned it to me and it said "I would like to be your partner." I almost burst out laughing on the spot. I'm not sure if he was trying to ask if we could meet up and practice English because he seemed all excited when he noticed that I was an instructor on my ID card, or if he was saying he wanted to be my salesperson if I returned, or if he was just plain being creepy and wanted to be my partner.

I've also realized that sometimes, teachers express understanding when I explain an activity to them, and once we get to class and attempt to execute said activity, it is clear that there was no understanding whatsoever. 

Honestly, some days I want to crumble in to a heap of hopeless sadness on the floor because I just so desperately want to get a point across and be able to communicate with some really cool people. But then I realize that there is absolutely no point in doing so, so I gather myself up, hold my chin high and embrace the challenges posed by cultural differences One thing is for sure:. being thrown into a new country makes learning the language a heck of a lot quicker.

The way to cause that wall preventing communication to come crumbling down? Put everyone in a room together and get a drink in their hands. And then after that drink, refill their glasses and repeat, until fluency is achieved. It works like a magic charm.