Water Bags and a Flat Tire

I've spent too much of my oh-so-precious time deciding whether to organize my Ghana blogs chronologically or thematically, so I've decided to stop the thought process of how to organize and just write.

Excitement, curiosity and sheer exhaustion washed over me like a wave as I first stepped off the plane in Accra. If for some reason I had doubted the pilot's word that we landed in Africa, the blast of humidity that immediately hit me would have convinced me that he was correct.  

The cold weather preceding my trip and my lack of tolerance to it had me irrationally excited at the prospect of warmth. I couldn't wait for the embrace of the blanket of heat to wrap around my constantly frozen exterior. However, the warm comforting blanket I expected turned out to be a bit more stifling than I'd hoped for. Sweat immediately cascaded down every inch of my skin and continued to do so for the duration of my stay in Ghana. Sometimes there were fans, but more often than not, the only way to attempt to escape the shroud of debilitating humidity and heat was to sit as still as possible wearing the loosest garments in your possession.

Anyways, before I get too sidetracked, let's get back to my arrival in Ghana (see that, I guess I just decided to do this chronologically). Getting through customs was easy enough, but baggage claim was a different story entirely. Actually, the reason it took me so long to get my suitcase was because the damage done to it in transit transformed it to the point it was unrecognizable. When I finally realized my bag was my bag, I grabbed it, took a deep breath, and headed outside to find my ride.

I almost instantly saw a man holding a sign with the name of my volunteer organization on it. I was instructed prior to the trip to insist on seeing his I.D. but he just shrugged and said he left it at the volunteer house. Great. I was potentially about to get kidnapped. I went with him anyhow; he seemed relatively harmless- a teenager named Elvis.

Another volunteer had been waiting for me in the cab since my flight was delayed. I sat down beside her and felt the sweat on my back plaster my shirt to the seat of the car. Better get used to this, I thought. Finally, we were off to the volunteer house where we were to spend our first night prior to heading out to our specific placements.

Of course, something just HAD to happen en route to the house. As we drove along, a loud rattling sound began to come from the car and the driver rolled down his window and looked to the back of the car, discovering a flat tire. For WAY longer than he should have, he continued to drive. Eventually, however, we pulled over in possibly the worst part of the road possible and called another cab. We made it to the volunteer house exhausted and very, very parched.

Elvis immediately taught us about how drinking water works in Ghana. Yes, it needs to be explained. He led us to the refrigerator and grabbed two clear bags and handed one to each of us, then told us to bite the corner and suck. Turns out that is how they drink a lot of things- shots of alcohol, yogurt, and more. Okay, that's enough typing for one post. Stay tuned for more!

Ghana's Right Around the Corner!

My Ghana trip is creeping up on me. Today, it began to feel unfathomably soon. I received detailed information regarding my volunteer placement, and while much of it I already knew or assumed, seeing it in print seemed to make it all real. I will be living and working in a tiny village about two hours east of Accra living in a family's home with no Internet, no running water, no electricity and, best of all, a hole outside in which to take care of business.

Pooping in this will not be fun...

This initially caused me to go through a mini panic attack. I started realizing the enormous degree to which we use the Internet, electricity, running water and toilets EVERY day. I mean, it is actually concerning when you stop and think about it. I paid attention today to my use of technology and I realized that my face is almost always plastered to my phone screen. I began to feel a bit disgusted by it all and all of a sudden my attitude towards my trip shifted.

I now look forward to my trip and plan to embrace the lack of so many conveniences we here take for granted constantly. Today especially I felt how absurdly cushy my privileged life is. I was walking to my car and felt irritated about the fact I'd have to scrape the snow off of my car. What a stupid, First World problem! I HAVE a car to scrape snow off of! That is a privilege!




I'm sure this trip will be a grounding one to show me how those who have much less than me live. In my past experience, it seems that people who have the least live the most fulfilling, happy lives.

Let me give you all the inside scoop on what exactly my volunteer work will entail. Every day, I will arise at the butt crack of dawn, around 4:30 or 5. At that time, I will tend to the farm animals and begin planting crops or doing construction work. Around 9 AM, the overwhelming heat will prohibit me from staying outside, so at this time I will teach and play with the kids in the orphanage. Later in the evening as the temperature drops, I can return to outdoor work. On the weekends, it's play time and teach time with the kiddos.

Yes, I'll be living the real life version of Farmville most of the time. Jealous? I thought so.

Last but not least:

Hello friends,
I hope this message finds you well! I am reaching out to you all as I am planning a volunteer trip to Ghana. My goal is to spend a couple of weeks there helping plant crops and assist in other agricultural activities in order to provide a sustainable food source to children in an orphanage there.  During the evenings and weekends I would also provide childcare to the children. There are a lot of fees associated with this journey on which I wish to embark and I appreciate any donations you could provide. Of course, I understand if doing so is not possible- if that is the case, just send me well wishes and good luck! Also, for those who previously donated, well wishes are more than enough!

Please visit my fundraising page to donate any amount and your generosity will come a long way! You can also share my page to your family and friends and help me spread the word!

http://bit.ly/1NKIlHH

Thank you for your support!
Marisa

The Secret To Fishing

Breaking news for all you fishermen and women out there: you've been fishing wrong this whole time. Last summer while vacationing in Minnesota, I discovered the key to catching fish every time you set out to do so. Do I have you hooked? There's a little fishing humor for ya...

In Minnesota, there are many species of fish that people attempt to catch with fancy rods, bait, lures... the works. Some take to the lake to catch walleyes, whereas some have the goal of hooking the elusive northern pike. Yeah, I know my midwestern fish species, big whoop, wanna fight about it?

Since I first began to fish all the way until last summer during my time in Minnesota, I would go out on the boat, rod in hand, dreaming of catching a giant fish. I'd take the monster off the hook and hold it up proudly like fishermen do in pictures. I went a little crazy trying to achieve this dream, as no walleyes nor pikes nor anything really seemed interested in my bait. We would often spend hours casting and casting only to return to land empty handed. Of course, my relatives always caught one or two eventually, but it always seemed to take a long time and a good deal of trial and error trying to find the part of the lake in which the fish were lurking.

Seldom catching any fish, and never the kind I wanted, weighed heavily on me and I felt shrouded in disappointment. One day on my recent trip, my little cousins were fishing off the dock and seemed to be catching fish after fish. Granted, these weren't ones that would be considered impressive by any stretch of the imagination, but still, they experienced the thrill of constantly reeling in fish. I decided to give it a try.

This method immediately made fishing enjoyable. Because of the relatively shallow water, I could actually see the fish I intended to catch. Cheating? Maybe, but super awesome. So the key to constantly catching fish, albeit tiny ones, is to just fish for the ones no one wants! You're welcome for sharing the key to making fishing the most fun and successful hobby you can imagine.

My giant catch!

Kids These Days!

I feel like I've already written a post with this exact same title. If that is indeed the case, it simply goes to show the sheer depth of my frustration with today's younger generations. They most recently flaunted their flaws on Halloween night, one that children look forward to all year 'round as it enables them to walk door to door and get FREE candy from their extremely generous neighbors (candy ain't cheap).

Sounds AMAZING, right? What a deal! You get to dress up as some awesome character or whatever you want really, walk around in the dark with your friends and get heaps of free, delicious, sugary candy that will give you a crazy high, make you bounce off the walls, and then pass out from exhaustion. What an evening, Halloween is....

That should be fun enough for today's youth, right? WRONG. I'll start this rant off by conceding that yes, there are many polite, well-mannered young people wandering around in this world, and we encountered a great deal of them on Halloween during trick-or-treat time. However, another great deal of children were snotty little ungrateful brats who acted in a way that I am sure no kids did when I was one.

I also concede that my roommates and I were not properly prepared candy supply-wise for the hoards of children that came by on Halloween night. However, even our need to rush out and buy more candy to restock was partly to blame on snotty children, namely those who took more than one in spite of our specific verbal instruction to take "just one." Some of them needed to work on their listening skills, like one child who said "well, I didn't get both types of candy!" and grabbed a second one.

Jerks.

Most of the candy-kid-drama occurred in the first portion of the night as we handed out bags of chocolate snack mix and lollipops. As my roommate handed a kid dressed as some superhero or another a bag of the snack mix, he stated that he didn't like that. In my day, we were never that rude! It's FREE! Just take it, smile, and say thank you! Other children asked what specific flavors of lollipops we had and immediately made a sour face when we said we didn't know (they all had the same wrapper). On that same note, one kid put back the candy he was given and demanded to choose his own. I repeat: smile, accept the candy, say "thank you." Three easy steps.

Once we ran out of the snack mix and lollipops, my roommate came up with a backup plan to hand out Halloween-themed temporary tattoos. We felt confident in this decision until we found out how extremely averse the trick-or-treaters were to temporary tattoos. One kid actually turned to the rest of his pack of friends when he saw that we had tattoos and shouted "let's go, all they have are tattoos!"

The candy-less period of the evening seemed to drag on slower than a snail moving through expired molasses (which, for some reason, I imagine is stickier and thicker than unexpired molasses. Actually, does molasses expire??). We made a very apologetic sign which many people ignored and when they rang anyway we broke the news to many disappointed kids. Some were bratty and rude about our candy shortage (partly caused by earlier children taking too many, I'll point out again), but some kids were kind and understanding which was refreshing. 

Too many kids these days are like this little "gem" of  movie character...

When our reinforcements arrived with supplemental candy, things had died down a bit but drama ensued. Many kids greedily snatched handfuls of candy without even a mumble of "thanks" and without preceding their candy-grabbing by saying "trick or treat!" It's a pretty easy thing to say to get candy. As it got later, children who had already been by earlier came back and asked for extra candy since it was the end of the night. Seriously?! Take what you get and be THANKFUL! I guess being thankful is too much of a struggle for some, hence why society seems to ignore Thanksgiving decoration-wise and head straight for Christmas.

What about Thanksgiving?!

Perhaps the "highlight" of the evening...the high school kids who are way too old to trick or treat and really just irritate everybody. I felt horrible for my roommate when she answered the door from them. One of the two girls in the group said to my roommate "my friends drew something on my face, do you know what it is?" It was a penis. Nice end to the evening.

Post ranting, I will once again add the disclaimer that I in no way think this behavior applies to all kids. There were certainly polite kids who thanked us and used these things called manners. But this blog isn't about them.

Biker Chick

I must admit I never thought the above term would ever describe me in a million years. I enjoyed biking as a child, sure, and it helped me get to class when running late in college (though I was certainly a hazard to any pedestrians on campus, I'm a bit of a spazz on a bike). However, I never saw myself as someone who uses a bike as my primary mode of transportation. Over the past few weeks, I have discovered that biking is not only a blast and a great way to get around, but also something I am intensely passionate about. If I'd started biking earlier in life, maybe I could have been the female, drug-free and honest version of Lance Armstrong. I'd use a different comparison but I don't know the names of any other bikers.

I love biking because it feels like you are part of a community, at least here in Boulder. Bikers are all over the place due to the accessibility of getting around cycling. I was shocked that in construction zones, there are even bike lanes made of cones. I feel like that wouldn't happen anywhere else. Anyhow, I feel like us biker folk have a connection amongst each other that only other bikers would understand. For example, when a car completely blocks a crosswalk, we sometimes give each other an annoyed look to demonstrate our shared frustration. Bikers, in my experience, have been quite friendly in general, their kindness shown with a nod, smile, or other similar gesture upon passing.

So...much...community!

 Yes, I adore biking. I have already learned heaps about bicycles as well. For instance, my seat was far too low for far too long, and I learned that keeping the seat too low isolates certain leg muscles while pedaling whereas a higher seat promotes the unison of various muscle groups.

I've also learned that I am one of those bikers that really irritates drivers. When I drive, I feel on edge all the time about bikers and the swift, often unpredictable moves they make. Like, is this dude going to last minute switch from the bike lane into my turn lane? Probably. But you NEVER know! And I see how frustrating that can be from both sides. As a biker, I feel jazzed that we have so many "traffic rights," if you will. I already mentioned the cone lanes, and it seems like there is a never ending number of "yield to bike" signs. It's like, as bikes, we always win! As we should- it takes a lot of preparation and leg muscle to make biking all over a functional practice.

Let's all bike together!

Maybe we should all just get rid of cars and switch back ro bikes. Yeah... it must be obvious now that I haven't yet biked in the winter... 

This DOES look awful...

Pigs Are People, Too (PART TWO)

I know you are all just waiting for this- the moment I decided I couldn't live without a guinea pig post house sitting. Fine, you all know me SO well, give yourselves a pat on the back and let's get back to what's important, MY STORY!

Yesterday, I decided to peruse the options of pigs available for adoption at the Humane Society of Boulder Valley. All I wanted was to find a guinea pig exactly like Cookie in every single way. That's not too high of an expectation, is it?? Didn't think so. On the site, one of the first guinea pigs listed, Panchito, was Cookie's identical twin. I called the location where he was listed to be, and sadly learned that he was just adopted. Of course he was. The lady told me in this horribly heartless tone, too. Jerk.

No Panchito?!?!

However, a little lower down the list was a little guy who looked a lot like Cookie too, but with a lot more white fur. I looked to his name and knew it was meant to be. Fili. Like, one of the dwarves from The Hobbit. If that isn't a sign, I don't know what is. The only thing that would make our match more destined to be would be if there were a caption under his picture saying "MARISA COME ADOPT ME NOW." Actually, if that were the case I would probably be a bit creeped out.

So I decided. If Fili was available, it was destiny. I called and waited with bated breath as she checked to see if he was still there. YES, she told me cheerfully, and I instantly asked her to put it on hold. I begged her as if there were a line of people out the door and commingling around Fili to take him home right then and there. 

Heart racing, I drove over to the humane society. The woman at the counter told me to take a seat and wait for someone to find a room where Fili and I could meet. I felt insanely nervous as if I were about to adopt a child or go on a blind date, which are both creepy scenarios to compare to meeting a guinea pig. After about fifteen minutes, an employee led me into a room and put Fili on my lap. He just sat there, just like Cookie. So far, so good. I pet him for about a half hour and he began to make soft squeaks. Perfect. He didn't even poop or pee on me, which instantly scored him some points. Then I put him on the ground. He lazily bumbled about, just like Cookie. Done, done, and done.

Our first meeting.

I signed a bunch of papers that I didn't really read and Fili and I headed home. Unfortunately, there are now three guinea pigs that all hate each other in the house. Turns out, males don't get along. Should have figured that one. Whatever, Fili is awesome, Bob goes home today, Cookie is super chill, and things are good in my little wild kingdom.

Pigs Are People, Too

Okay, that's not even remotely true. Pigs are pigs, and people are people, and this blog isn't even about pigs, it's about guinea pigs. Yes, guinea pigs: America's favorite pet rodent and Peru's favorite main course (actually, judging by their size I would probably only consider them to be appetizers). Guinea pigs have taken up a surprisingly large role in my summer this year, and I wanted to bestow upon all of my readers the privilege of hearing ALL about it. Can't wait? That's what I thought.

So, flashback to the beginning of the summer. I am three months younger, and about to launch into a summer-long house sitting gig. The family that lives here is spending the summer in a home on the East Coast.

When first offered the gig, I hesitated as they have two rather high-maintenance dogs (one elderly and medicated, partially blind and deaf, and hardly mobile and the other a young, spritely and large dog not yet aware of his own strength). However, they informed me that the dogs would be venturing east with them, causing me to do a little jig of victory internally.

Then I remembered... the dogs weren't their only pets. Cookie the Guinea Pig also lived in the house I would be watching. I anxiously asked if Cookie would be going with them, too- I had no desire whatsoever to take care of any creature beneath that roof besides myself. My heart sunk a bit when I found out that Cookie would be my responsibility, too. I fully anticipated a very half-ass effort on my part just to keep the thing alive, but quickly I realized my affinity toward the creature.

Cookie has a personality just as well defined as any other living being I have come across. He is laid-back, cares about eating way more than he should (often to the point of prioritizing it above his own safety), is relatively quiet but still makes those charming little squeaks from time to time, and will happily sit on my lap while watching TV and just relish in being stroked. Cookie and I became fast friends, and so attached that I began to worry about our eventual and inevitable separation. Actually, anyone who knows me was worried about it too- I was attached like a conjoined twin to this furry little critter.

I began to wonder if all guinea pigs are this rad as pets. One weekend, the neighbors asked me to watch their guinea pig, who shall not be named (we will call him Bob just to make this easier to understand. He doesn't deserve more than a generic name like that [no offense to my readers named Bob. It's a pretty good name for a person]) while they went out of town. I agreed. Bob came over and quickly demonstrated that no, not all guinea pigs are rad as pets. Some are just horrible.

First of all, he was a jerk to Cookie and that is just not cool. No one messes with my baby! Yikes, can you imagine what I would be like as a mother? I put them next to each other for a quick photo op and Bob quickly attacked. Screw you Bob. That instantly put him on my most-hated list. That's not a list that anyone wants to be on.

Also, he squeaks to this volume that seems absolutely unbelievable coming from his tiny body. In no way are these cute, quiet squeaks like Cookie's- no, these are more like blood-curdling shrieks. I also decided that Bob was trying to sabotage me. As I recorded a guitar song and was finally happy with my take, he squealed in the last five second and ruined it, as if he were just waiting for the end to do so. Whatever, I posted it anyway so joke is on him. Or maybe he won that round, whatever. Click here for the song, and wait for the squeak at the end.

Okay, I just realized how ridiculously long this post would be if I made it just one, so I'm going to split this bad boy and make it a two-parter.

Willie Nelsons

No, that is not a misprint in the title. I do not DO misprints, sheesh. And I am so humble and modest about my lack of misprints, too. Ahem... back to the point of this whole blog. Willie NelsonS. Plural.

Last Friday, I went with the band Intuit to Crestone to attend a festival called Crest Fest. Clever, right? I mean, it is totally a catchy name. After a charming four-hour car ride there, we went to the artist check-in counter and the lady putting on our bracelets was a bit overwhelmed and kind of overlooked the fact that I was not in the band. So, I walked in there wearing a musician bracelet.

I'm sure a lot of you are at a complete and total loss as to why that would be exciting. BECAUSE, of course, the bracelet was the golden (okay, orange) ticket into the land of backstage, the mysterious world where musicians get to chill before and after their sets. The backstage area was magical in multiple ways. First, there were free massages. Second, there was an enormous table with an impressive spread of grub. From pluots to peaches, sandwiches filled with any lunch meat you can imagine (unless you have some super bizarre imagination. Tone it down guys, there were no giraffe sandwiches), brownies, cookies, coffee, iced tea, the works. The only thing that the backstage area lacked was a sexy man to hand feed me grapes while two others fanned me.

I know you are all in anxiety inducing suspense about the Willie Nelsons. So, this was a rather small festival, in the middle of Hippieville Colorado, nestled in a field surrounded by mountains. So, naturally, it drew in a certain crowd. The crowd consisted of a shocking amount of men who looked exactly like Mr. Nelson, especially when you consider the low-ish amount of attendees (not because it was a lame-o festival but because it was just tiny). At first I thought I was just seeing the same guy over and over but then I started noticing that they were wearing different outfits.

Not as unique as you thought, Mr. N!

The amount of Willie look-a-likes truly threw me for a loop. I mean, I always considered him a rather unique looking character. However, by the end of the night I counted at LEAST seven of them, and who knows, there very well may have been more.

Pondering Yoga Poses

Chaturanga dandasana. Exhale! Downward-facing dog!

All you yogis out there most likely feel sweet relief from downward-facing dog (or down dog for short), a "restful, home-base posture" allowing you to refocus on your practice and reset your breath. Some of you probably do down dogs at home for a good stretch and for some relaxation. Some of you may quickly deem it your favorite yoga posture.

For me, downward-facing dog is agony. I freaking hate that posture. Honestly, the primary reason I practice hot yoga or Bikram yoga most frequently is that it doesn't have that horrendous posture. Aside from the fact that it sends shooting pains through my shoulders (okay, okay, a bit dramatic there...it just doesn't feel pleasant), I apparently just can't get it right. During a good 25% of the classes I take I am corrected by some way or another by an instructor. Sometimes they pull my hips up and back. Sometimes they push on my heels to get them to touch the mat.

Yes, I passionately hate down dog. None of you will believe this, but I also hate child's pose, another allegedly "restful" posture. I admit I am strange when it comes to my likes and dislikes of yoga postures. Let's continue, shall we? Maybe in list form from now on.

Yoga Postures Listed from My Least Favorite to Favorite
(Disclaimer: this list doesn't contain every yoga pose in existence. Not even close)

1) Downward-facing dog (just thinking about it makes me wince)

Doesn't this look RELAXING?? No.

2) Half-moon (Ardha candrasana)

Worst thing ever. But makes good abs.

3) High to low plank (Chaturanga dandasana)

 

Because we all LOVE planks!

4) Standing Head to Knee (Dandayamana-Janushirasana)
Basically I just can't figure this one out. My balance is just that bad.

Yep, I can only get to step one.

5) Standing Separate Leg Head to Knee Pose (Dandayamana-Bibhaktapada-Janushirasana)

Can't...breathe...so...awful....

6) Standing Bow Pose (Dandayamana-Dhanurasana)
I have a love/hate relationship with standing bow pulling pose. Some days I rock it and others....not so much.

7) Plow (Halasana)

This seriously feels amazing.

8) Tree Pose (Tadasana)

 





















9) Camel Pose (Ustrasana)This is literally my "hangout pose." It's relaxing and fun and feels awesome.

10) Fixed Firm Pose (Supta-Vajrasana)

Okay I'm tired of looking up these pictures, but also, I HATE locust pose with a firey passion. I only do it because a teacher once told me that the postures you hate the most are the ones you need the most. Alright, fine.

Every Comedian Needs to Write a Book

I am in the middle of a phase. Not a strange fashion phase where I only wear clothing made of mink (death to all minks! [Totally joking, PETA, don't send your assassins for me]) or a depressive, Gothic phase (that already happened). It is a literary phase, in fact, that initiated when I decided to listen to Amy Poehler's book Yes Please on CD in the car. Her book was amazing, and essentially changed my life. She shows her vulnerability in this lovely chronicle of her life, admits to mistakes she has made, relishes in the joys she has experienced (motherhood, her career, etc.), and shares emotions that we all feel constantly (celebrities feel insecure too?! WHAT!?), all while making the reader/listener laugh out loud throughout (unless the reader/listener has no sense of humor whatsoever). After the final words on the final CD sifted through the speakers, lingered for a moment in my mind and disappeared, I suddenly felt motivated to read another comedian biography.

Thankfully, there are many. So, this phase may endure for quite some time, making my brief Gothic phase seem like a mere blip on the radar of life (also, can someone tell me if Gothic is capitalized??). My next choice was actually my first choice, but they were out of it at Barnes And Noble (it should be Barnes N' Noble, in my opinion, it's a bit catchier. Whatever, they will probably go out of business soon. Not like I'm hoping for that). So I apologize to Amy Poehler- her book was my second choice after Tina Fey's Bossypants, only because everyone in my life ranted and raved about its unparalleled excellence on the hilarity scale.

I have to say, however, before moving on to the Bossypants reading experience, that I am so freaking happy that I read Yes Please because it re-motivated me to watch Parks and Recreation, the hilarious show in which Amy Poehler is the main character, from season 1 to 7 and I loved every second of my binge watching experience.

Anyways, I have to admit that reading Bossypants was an immensely enjoyable experience, I laughed so hard that it I attempted to read it while drinking the beverage would have shot through my nose (if that actually happens). To be honest though I wish I had gotten it on CD. Not that I am lazy, but I imagine hearing her actually read the words would have been fantastic, as it was in Amy Poehler's book.

Upon closing the back cover I once again felt that void that could only be filled by a book written by a comedian. Since I was watching Parks and Rec, I decided to check out Aziz Ansari's new book titled Modern Romance. I was taken aback at first noticing that it was not simply a comedian recalling life experiences or making observations about life but a research piece on how the dating world has changed so drastically over the recent years. I was irritated at first thinking that it would be like reading a dry research essay- I bought a comedian's book so I could LAUGH, damn it! But to my pleasant surprise, it was a gut buster as well as extremely informative. I closed the back cover literally minutes ago and loved every page. Another life changer.

What's next? Nick Offerman's book, of course!

Lyrics: Useful, or Mental Clutter?

The other day, I was scrounging around in my parents' house for a blank CD and came upon the Mount Everest of CD stacks. They were not blank, however, but a collection of mix CDs made throughout my middle and high school years. I decided to go down memory lane and popped CD after CD, some terribly scratched, into my car's CD player. The vast majority of the tracks I hadn't heard in years and years, and yet I noticed that I had the majority of the lyrics memorized word for word. On some occasions, I began singing along to a song perfectly and could not even remember its name or who was the singer or group.

This got me thinking...

The storage space in my brain dedicated to 80's, 90's and early 2000's music including that of Avril Lavigne, Britney Spears, Seether, Bush, and Lifehouse (to name a very select few) along with soundtracks from various movies, classic rock tunes, and some numbers from famous musicals must be the absolute largest of all mental storage spaces in my brain. I mean, how is it fair that I can remember all the words to "Come What May" from Moulin Rouge without hearing it for years but I can't remember information from my nutrition class one week ago?

Maybe the key is just to put all information I wish to truly store forever into a catchy tune. Honestly, that would probably work. One of my elementary teachers had us sing multiplication tables to kids tunes and I can STILL remember that almost twenty years later. So all you professors out there, perhaps it is time to conduct your lectures entirely in song. If nothing else, it would be incredibly entertaining.

WTF, George R.R. Martin?!

Two precursors to the main content of this blog, my thoughts on the series finale of Game of Thrones: one, MAJOR SPOILER ALERT. I know how touchy fans can get over spoilers so if you're one of those people, read no further. Second, if you know nothing about Game of Thrones (you know nothin' Jon Snow!) like that parenthesized reference, for example, this post will make less sense to you than listening to an alphabet recited backwards in a foreign language. So, if you aren't familiar, you should probably spend the time it would take to read this blog doing something else. Literally, anything else. Can't think of anything? Some suggestions: clean the floor under your fridge, or organize its contents and chuck the expired stuff. Can't think of the last time you did those things? Yeah, that's what I thought. Get crackin', or that ten-year-old salad dressing growing mold in the back of your fridge will make someone sick.

Okay, you've been warned. Spoilers start below this line.

So, Jon Snow is dead. Jon. Snow. Come ON, George R.R. Martin! Man, that guy doesn't just break our hearts like your first significant other in your teenage years (trust me all you adolescents reading this, that's just the beginning), he really reaches in there slowly and gruesomely removes your heart through your chest and then does a Mexican hat dance around it while laughing maniacally. That is one of his major skills as a storyteller. It's quite vicious actually; he makes us love his characters as if they were real, and then he rips them our of our lives in the most horrific ways imaginable. Thankfully, I knew from the get go about the upcoming demise of so many beloved Starks in The Red Wedding episode. No one's death shocked me after that, but for some naive reason, I figured our beloved Jon was immune. He was too good, too pure, too wonderful, too compassionate and far too sexy to ever die! George Martin wouldn't be THAT evil, would he?! Oh yes, it seems, he would. I guess he likes to make people cry. Watching his death was sadder than watching those depressing, homeless pet videos featuring Sarah McLaughlin.

Jon Snow after a bunch of assholes stabbed him in the gut. R.I.P., I love you.

 George R.R. Martin also makes us put up with the scummiest, most twisted villains imaginable for far, too long (Ramsay Bolton, anyone?!). At least Joffrey got it.

The other skill at which Mr. Martin excels is making us pity those we never thought pitiable. If you told me that I would EVER feel bad for Cersei I'd never have believed you until the season 5 finale. I mean, she CRIED and had to walk naked back to the castle while people called her a slut and other variations of that word while throwing food at her. Come ON, you can't not feel bad for her! Same goes for Theon Greyjoy, now Reek- sorry, but if someone gets tortured in that way, even if they are your worst enemy, you feel bad for them. 

Anyway, after all the emotional bullshit watching Game of Thrones has put me through, I've decided to throw in the towel and root for the White Walkers. I hope that their first victims are the High Sparrows and the members of the Night's Watch. That I'd like to see.

Rootin for you guys!

Songs That Sound Like Other Songs

These days, nothing that comes on the radio sounds "new" to me. Nothing is exceptionally mind-blowingly (yes, I just created that word) original (except for Ed Sheeran, he is the god of music). I'm not bashing pop artists of today by any means. I still listen to those stations baring generic tune after generic tune and I acknowledge that there are only so many notes in the scale, only so many chord progressions, and so songs are often bound to sound similar.

However, many artists are protective of their work, and get at each others' throats metaphorically for "copying" their songs. For example, click here for a long list of songs that are essentially the same. Robin Thicke recently got into some trouble for his song "Blurred Lines" which sounds exactly like Marvin Gaye's "Got To Give It Up," and he actually got in trouble for it. I'm fine with that because "Blurred Lines" is pretty terrible. If by some cosmic freak incident Robin Thicke is reading this, no offense, man.

Anyways, recently I discovered how much of a genius Taylor Swift truly is. While listening to her new album, I realized that two of the tracks, "Bad Blood" and "Wonderland," sound the exact same during certain parts. She has discovered how to copy other music! Just copy your own and tweak it slightly! I mean what is she going to do, sue herself? Yeah, didn't think so. Anyway, listen for yourself.

Age Of Ultron Doesn't Live up to Avengers Potential

I just want to kick off my review of The Avengers: Age of Ultron with a question to my readers. Am I the only one who is sick of the whole Russian/Eastern European villain thing? Like, I feel very over it. Let's try to diversify with the villains at this point, filmmakers! I guess some of them have branched out and decided to make those from the Middle East the enemy but still... When will we see the bad-ass villain from Greenland?

There were aspects of the relationships in the movie that simply didn't seem to contribute anything at all to the plot. The odd romantic moments between Marc Ruffalo and Scarlett Johansson were awkward to say the least, and, let's admit it, a pairing that would just never happen in a billion years.

In regards to the plot, it just wasn't as original as I'd hoped it would be. Artificial intelligence trying to take over the world? Hasn't that been done countless times, even recently? Then again, I suppose pretty much everything has been done already at this point.

I'm not going to sit here and point out flaw after flaw. The 2 hour and 21 minutes run time hardly felt long at all, which is really saying something. I was so engaged during the action scenes and the personal interactions amongst the characters that my short attention span didn't really get to me. Even the cheesy one-liners that were a little too corny for my taste didn't bother me. Plus, Thor is really attractive so that in itself made the movie for me.

Yum.

Detox Day Three

I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Not in a biblical, I'm about to die sense, but in an "I can finally see the end of this journey" sense. Yes. After just one more day, I can put solid food into my body again. But, will I want to?

Day Three:
8:15 AM- Juice one, the good ol' "Detox Greens." I drank this and have to admit, I was getting pretty sick of the sweet green juice. 

12:00 PM- I got caught up in shopping endeavors and forgot about my hunger but boy, did it remind me like a child pestering his or her mother for an ice cream cone on a hot day. Gotta love how all of my analogies are related to food now... Wonder why... On that note, it was really challenging to be in a grocery store while cleansing. I have noticed that my sense of smell is heightened while cleansing. I can all of a sudden smell food more than I ever could before. 

2:15 PM- Another green juice. Whoopee.

4:00 PM- I was a bit sad to polish off my last Spicy Lemonade! Love that stuff!

6:08 PM- A wonderful dinner of my LAST green juice.

748 PM- I fell into a bit of a depressed state when I sipped the last bit of my final Coconut Fusion.

Final Reflections:
Well, come the end of day three, all I could think about was the mental clarity I was experiencing and the strong urge to continue my cleanse. During the cleanse, I experienced some caffeine withdrawal in the form of headaches, but those subsided. The thing I was most shocked about was my extreme thirst throughout the three days. It is a bit counter-intuitive to crave water when all I am doing is downing liquid, so I'm not sure why that was the case. Therefore, I recommend sticking close to a bathroom while cleansing.

Detox Day Two

I awoke with a rather pressing dilemma. I couldn't decide whether to drink my first juice before yoga, in spite of the fact that I wasn't famished by any stretch of the imagination. However, doing yoga on a completely empty stomach brought on the hunger beast pretty quickly, so in retrospect, before may have been better.

Day Two:
9:25- Juice one "Sweet Greens" was tasty as usual, I have to admit it is only day two and I already feel a bit sick of the green juices. However, in past cleanses, I have had far worse green juices that tasted what I imagine algae tastes like, so this really is a piece of cake (yum, cake sounds amazing).

Nice n' sweaty after yoga!

11:50 AM- I waited a bit long for juice number two as I got a bit distracted with the events of the day. Honestly, if any of my readers out there are considering a juice cleanse, I recommend doing one on a day when you are busy with work or other tasks- when you are, you have no time to obsess over food.

1:50 PM- Something I observed around the time of juice 3, "Sweet Greens," was how insanely parched the cleanse was making me. It's a bit counter-intuitive, really. You would think that drinking nothing but juice all day would mean I wouldn't want to drink anything additional, but not the case. I felt like a weary traveler in the dessert desperate for water all day, and probably downed a good four liters of water.

2:48 PM- I did not wait nearly long enough for the "Spicy Lemonade," but honestly, it's hard to resist such a tasty treat. Also my stomach was growling, begging for it, and who am I to deny it what it wants? Someone who is doing a juice cleanse, that's who...

Hangin with my juice at the beach...

After drinking the lemonade, I ran some errands, which included a stop at Target. I had to walk past a Starbucks, which made me realize that smelling coffee while on a juice cleanse is basically torture. I also experienced a bit of a headache around that time, but it only lasted a bit.

5:45 PM- Drank the fifth juice, "Sweet Greens," and felt satiated. Not much to report there.

7:36 PM- Delicious, coconut delight! I chugged it a bit too fast!

Reflection:
I'm tired. Exhausted. As if I could sleep Rip-Van-Winkle style. I hope that is an accurate reference. I am too tired to care. But, it is a good tired. I feel content and happy! Two days down, one day to go!

Detox Day One

Well, it's everybody's favorite time of the year again. The birds are singing, the weather is changing, and Marisa has embarked on her semi-annual juice cleanse. Yes, your excitement is palpable, as is mine. Okay fine- perhaps reading about my three-day juice drinking stints are not on the top of your list of things over which to obsess, but I feel the need to share my experience with you nonetheless.

I have tried juice cleanses from a number of different companies, from Jus by Julie to BluePrintCleanse. Both are companies I highly recommend. I recently came across a new brand called Juice in the Raw and decided to give it a whirl.

Day One:
8:20 AM- I held out as long as I could before giving in to the gnawing hunger that lead me to the fridge and my first juice titled "Detox Greens." This slightly sweet green juice contains apple, cucumber, celery, wheatgrass, dandelion, watercress, wild arugula, lemon and ginger.

11:30 AM- Well, perhaps I waited a little too long for this one- I was a bit of a growling hunger beast by the time I reached for "Detox Greens" number two.

1:30 PM- I was super excited for juice number three, the spicy lemonade! This juice is always my favorite part of a cleanse, I love the spicy element that cayenne adds to the lemony sour-sweetness of the lemonade. It is truly the perfect concoction of flavors.

3:25 PM- At this point in the day, I was experiencing some pretty intense headaches from the lack of caffeine. Honestly, the hardest part of doing a cleanse like this, for me anyways, is just giving up the coffee. I adore coffee, and drinking it is such a ritualistic thing for me, so it is a challenge. The third juice, "Sweet Greens," was similar to the "Detox Greens" but had kale, romaine and Swiss chard in place of the watercress, wheatgrass and arugula.

6:07 PM- I was swimming and actually got so caught up in it that I forgot my hunger, meaning it wasn't that strong. I sipped the fourth juice, "Sweet Greens," for a while.

8:35 PM- The last juice was a flavor sensation! Aptly named "Coconut Fusion," it was a scrumptious savory experience that reminded me of sticking a straw in a Thai coconut. Mmmm!

Reflection, Day 1: 

 

There were moments of struggle. Most notably, when I was surrounded by the intoxicating aroma of coffee and I had to resist the urge.  I also had a pretty throbbing headache at one point, but by the end of the day I felt mental clarity and relaxed, and not even one iota of hunger! Bring on tomorrow!