ANYTHING That Swims??

Today, as I was driving behind a seafood delivery truck, I realized how bizarre some slogans are. Plastered in gigantic font on the back of the aforementioned ice truck (Dexter flashback, anyone??) were the words "if it swims, we have it." First of all, what lame, lackluster marketing employee came up with that one (how embarrassing would it be if he/she somehow came across this post??)? It does not rhyme, nor is it witty, nor were there any accompanying graphics to catch the eye of the consumer. It starts off with the potential to be a great catchphrase. The introductory words "if it swims..." left me in suspense on the edge of the driver's seat. My mind went wild with the myriad possibilities that could follow.

The one redeeming quality of the aforementioned slogan is that it got my mental cogs spinning. However, the thoughts sparked by my firing neurons were not the ones the company would want me to think. My first emotion was skepticism. Anything that swims? What those creepy fish with the glowing orb hanging off its face that dwells in the deepest depths of the sea? Technically, people swim too (Michael Phelps as an entree??) and domestic animals, are THOSE hanging out in the back of the refrigerated truck, too? Okay, okay, I understand that I was being a bit literal.

I don't want to eat that

....or that

The same thing happens with me and song lyrics. The other day, the Bruno Mars song "grenade" came on the radio and for the first time I realized the absurdity of what he is saying. So, in the chorus he lists a series of insane things he would do on behalf of some girl who doesn't care for him in the slightest. He claims he would "catch a grenade," "throw his hand on a blade," and "jump in front of a train" all for this nonchalant chick. Okay, I'll just start with the first one. Is the theoretical grenade in this scenario active? Did someone pull the pin before chucking it at Bruno? I mean, that makes a pretty big difference. I would catch an inactive grenade for a complete stranger without a second thought. 

Okay, number two. He would "throw his hand on a blade." Is this a saying I have never heard before? Does throwing one's hand on a blade equate to taking up a sword and dueling for her sake? Or does it mean he would cut his hand on a blade as some sort of Game of Thrones-style blood oath? 

Time for the third- jumping in front of a train. Is he doing this because she is already on the tracks and he is trying to jump in front of her so that he gets hit instead of her? I'm pretty sure if a train is heading for you full force, they would both go down in an instant. Or is he just jumping in front of a random, moving train just as a gesture to demonstrate his love? Because unless he jumps out of the way last minute which would seem quite cowardly, he would die and not get to reap the benefits of her returned love earned by his heroic act. If he did somehow live, he would be a vegetable most likely incapable of love. 

Final one, and then my rant is over. The last thing Bruno claims he would do is "take a bullet straight through (his) brain." Not at an angle? Come on, only taking bullets through the brain at any and all angles shows true devotion. 

Wow, if any of you made it to this point in the blog, I applaud you- you're a trooper!

Music Tastes of Monks

During conversation class, we pair up one volunteer to one monk and practice English for an hour in the evening. On my first day, a little monk around age 10 named Sonam scampered over and plopped beside me. I had no idea what I was in for. He looked cute at first glance, but quickly revealed his inner Don Juan. He is a smooth talker always trying to get a little action. I would not be surprised if he does not last too long in the monastery. I'm not even sure if he is aware that being a monk means he can't ever be with a lady. Apparently, the only unforgivable sin in Buddhism is a monk having sex.

Anyway, the first day I played along and told him I would marry him and be is girlfriend. Then, he started to get really cheeky the next session. His behavior during the second session scared me off from conversation for awhile. Right from the get go, he started going on and on about how he wanted to kiss me and how much he loves me. No matter how desperately I attempted to change the subject, he would not quit. The last straw was when he got fresh and tricked me to plant a kiss right on my lips! He pointed to the corner of the room and said "what's that?" Not realizing I was being fooled, I looked where he pointed and the minute I turned back around there were was his face waiting to plant a smack on my lips. That cheeky little rat!

My absence from the next session seemed to have scared him into submission, at least to a certain extent. The other volunteers informed me that he went on incessantly about how much he missed me and loved me and said that they told him I was not feeling well. The next time I attended conversation, I hoped to be paired with someone else, which I initially was. However, the moment little Sonam spotted me he rushed to my side like a puppy with a bad case of separation anxiety. I decided not to play along with his little love game anymore, and he spent the whole time making me fancy origami animals. He does have some redeeming qualities- he has presented me with a hand-made gift almost every session for the past few days. Two times he arrived bearing origami, one day a beautiful bracelet, and one day a white shawl for good luck. He has not tried anymore kisses, thankfully; the last day he simply asked me on a date which I adamantly refused. Where does this kid learn this stuff? Probably from all of the Justin Bieber he listens to.

On that note, I am baffled by the pop music that is popular here in India. It seems like every restaurant, public place or taxi we enter has Avril Lavigne, Enrique Iglesias, or Michael Jackson blaring through the speakers. All of the young monks seem to idolize Justin Bieber (probably not the best role model), Bruno Mars, Taylor Swift and One Direction. Seriously? I mean, I don't have anything against Taylor, and One Direction is okay, but I feel obligated to introduce them to some quality classic rock like The Beatles. Or, if they are going to go the boy band route they could at least go with a quality one like The Backstreet Boys. I just can't comprehend how, out of all the pop music out there, Avril Lavigne made it big here. How did that happen? Did she go on a tour of India at some point? It just seems very random.

Apparently, they also love John Denver. While Jim, my temporary New Zealand dad, was teaching his students, he offered them a selection of three songs of which they could choose one to learn: Welcome to My Wold by Jim Reeves, Top of The World by The Carpenters and Take Me Home, Country Roads by John Denver. They eagerly opted to learn the John Denver tune. Now that demonstrates good taste!