Detox Day Three

I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Not in a biblical, I'm about to die sense, but in an "I can finally see the end of this journey" sense. Yes. After just one more day, I can put solid food into my body again. But, will I want to?

Day Three:
8:15 AM- Juice one, the good ol' "Detox Greens." I drank this and have to admit, I was getting pretty sick of the sweet green juice. 

12:00 PM- I got caught up in shopping endeavors and forgot about my hunger but boy, did it remind me like a child pestering his or her mother for an ice cream cone on a hot day. Gotta love how all of my analogies are related to food now... Wonder why... On that note, it was really challenging to be in a grocery store while cleansing. I have noticed that my sense of smell is heightened while cleansing. I can all of a sudden smell food more than I ever could before. 

2:15 PM- Another green juice. Whoopee.

4:00 PM- I was a bit sad to polish off my last Spicy Lemonade! Love that stuff!

6:08 PM- A wonderful dinner of my LAST green juice.

748 PM- I fell into a bit of a depressed state when I sipped the last bit of my final Coconut Fusion.

Final Reflections:
Well, come the end of day three, all I could think about was the mental clarity I was experiencing and the strong urge to continue my cleanse. During the cleanse, I experienced some caffeine withdrawal in the form of headaches, but those subsided. The thing I was most shocked about was my extreme thirst throughout the three days. It is a bit counter-intuitive to crave water when all I am doing is downing liquid, so I'm not sure why that was the case. Therefore, I recommend sticking close to a bathroom while cleansing.

Behind Enemy Lines: Fighting the Flu

For a long while, we teachers were winning the war. Many of the students had already fallen in battle, but our troop held strong. Our enemy? The dreaded influenza, or as they say in Japan, “influ.”

Last Tuesday, one of the teachers felt sick so he went to the clinic. We got the news shortly after. The devastating news came that the enemy had taken him.

We sprang into action to defend our remaining soldiers, opening windows to ensure air circulation. I am stationed directly next to the infected fighter, so I repelled from my desk faster than two magnets pushed together.

Thankfully, despite my personal apprehensions regarding wearing one, I decided to overcome my awkward feelings and don a mask before school that day. To further bolster my defences, I washed my hands as if I’d developed a sudden obsessive-compulsive fear of germs.

Yet, our efforts began to seem futile after our enemy took one of our own as a hostage. He went missing, and it wasn’t until the next day that he was returned to us. He didn't fall to the flu as the first soldier had. (Is my analogy getting too convoluted? Basically, the second teacher felt ill and went to the clinic, and so he didn't come into school the next day but he got the results that it wasn't the flu). 

Anyways, on another note, I have come to not just tolerate, but passionately adore face masks. They are not only saviours keeping me from getting the dreaded influenza, but also a really nice thing to wear when you are having a “bad face day.”

We all have “bad hair days.” When I have one, I either pull my hair into a sloppy ponytail or wear a hat. But on bad face days, when I had a bit of dry skin in one spot and a huge zit on my cheek, I never knew what to do.  Now, the problem is instantly solved by my new friend, face mask.

Yes, I truly wish it would catch on in the States, but as I discovered first hand, they still induce fear and confusion outside of Japan. When I arrived in Denver still donning my face mask, a terrified looking little boy pointed at me and asked his dad, "what happened to her?" Oh man... I assured him I was fine and let out an involuntary chuckle. 

Yet, it clearly works- guess who is free of the flu? That's right, yours truly!

See? It can be sexy!

Absurd Fitness Recommendations

I have a bone to pick with a certain Ms. (Mrs.?) Jillian Michaels. While researching fitness tips the other day, because that is what I do in my spare time, I came across those of Michaels. The majority of her "six ways to (FINALLY!) get a flat belly" seemed reasonable and doable- cut down your salt intake, do more planks, blah-dee-blah, nothing new. Then I came across a tip that made me want to reach through the computer screen and punch her pretentious face. Number 4: Eat The Right Foods. Okay, Jillian, that sounds like a great tip based on the title! Then, I read the blurb beneath it:

"First, let's get something straight; all processed foods need to go. Get rid of the potato chips, microwave dinners, and definitely put an end to those fast food fixes. The sodium, preservatives and sugars alone will help keep your belly looking bloated and defeat your efforts. Replace the junk food with whole, quality, organic foods that are packed with healthy nutrients, not preservatives. Then, work these three foods into your diet for maximum belly-fat burn."

After my eyes scanned the last word of that passage, anger began to boil inside me like it does in a hot tea kettle.

Telling the average Jane/Joe to completely do away with microwave dinners and all fast food is absolutely absurd. If Jillian and other health advocates WANT people to get healthier, they need to promote making little, beneficial changes that gradually lead to larger lifestyle changes. Telling Couch Potato Chris to magically chuck his microwave dinners and become a vegan who only eats raw, organic produce is completely unrealistic. Jillian telling people that ALL processed foods "need to go" is going to get through to about zero people, especially those with crunched schedules and no time to cook everything from scratch.

Sorry, Jillian, we don't ALL have an endless cash flow streaming in allowing us to dedicate our every waking moment to fitness and health. Shocking as it may seem, we don't have wallets bursting at the seams with bills yearning to be spent at Whole Foods on their overpriced organic fare. We also don't have seven hours a day to spend prepping and cooking every single meal like Amish housewives (well, except in the case of Amish housewives).

Organic- but it's a MICROWAVE meal, throw it out!!!! Quick, before it adds inches to your waistline!

It reminded me of a talk that I went to about a year ago focusing on heart health. Specifically, the doctor leading the information session told the audience to "only buy things with no nutritional facts label." As in, only buy fruits and veggies. Is she nuts? Even organic, cage-free, butt-wiped, free-range, pampered chicken meat has a nutrition label. Actually, maybe she wants people to buy crossbows and don camo prints to get out there and take down their prey as nature intended, Katniss from The Hunger Games style!

That is the kind of recommendation that has the complete opposite effect as that which is desired. When people hear that they need to do 45 minutes of intense cardio 6 days a week plus three days of strength training and that they can only eat organic, unprocessed foods, their spirits will completely sink. These insane recommendations only spark the thought "well, I can never do that much, it just doesn't fit into my schedule and is too difficult, I may as well continue my sedentary lifestyle."

I will NOT give up my popcorn! 

The idea should be just to promote making, as I said earlier, little lifestyle changes. Take the stairs, not the elevator. Park further away from the store in the parking garage. Try to eat two more servings of vegetables a day. Heck, even just one more! Find a workout you love and do it once or twice a week. Those are the kind of things that will make people think "hey, I can do that!"

And THAT's how you make progress in public health, Jillian Michaels...

Saving the World, One Fungal Infection at a Time

Since we arrived over a week ago, the younger boys at the different monasteries have all had strange, white, powdery-looking spots with no hair on their scalps. Maree, the wife in the New Zealand couple, and I had piqued curiosities which, of course, led us right to Google to see if it was some sort of infectious, contagious disease. Maree guessed from the start that it was ringworm, but I felt unsure about this diagnosis as I thought ringworm appeared as raised, red, bullseye-like marks on the arm.

"White spots on scalp" yielded photos closely resembling the heads of the mini monks, and the descriptions generally referred to the ailment as "scalp psoriasis." Maree and I were satisfied with this diagnosis for a few days, but the fact that there was no improvement in their condition along with the fact that psoriasis is not contagious and all the little boys had it led me to question our conclusion. After I searched "ringworm of the scalp," I knew that Maree's gut sense was correct. According to the website, scalp ringworm is common among children in unclean conditions (I would not be surprised if the kids shower once a month maximum, and wear the same clothes daily) and closely resembles psoriasis. Ding ding, we have a winner!

Of course, the fact that our students have ringworm coupled with the information that another class of kids has scabies did not bode well for a someone like me who is overly paranoid about contracting a crazy illness. Thankfully, it turns out that scalp ringworm can only be contracted by children whose immune systems have not developed enough to fight off the fungus. Specifically, according to patient.co.uk, "scalp ringworm mainly affects young children. It is uncommon in adults. This is thought to be because the normal skin oil (sebum) that increases on the scalp after puberty (in the teenage years) has properties that make it resistant to fungi." Yay for puberty!

Had Maree and I not pointed out to one of the school administrators that the young boys' heads were covered in chalky-looking spots, they may never have noticed. After we told him, he immediately arranged for them to go to the doctor to obtain the necessary medication. The chances of seven boys under age 12 remembering to take anti-fungal meds? Considering they never bathe, I'd say not good. At least, thanks to our persuasiveness, they have the cure in their possession and hopefully someone harasses them to take it.

Juice Cleanse and Marinating Yogis

Well, it's weird how something you thought tasted like pond scum can taste like melted heaven-gown sugar cane after drinking something that actually tastes like pond scum. For three days, I have been drinking six green vegetable juices as part of a cleanse. The first juice I tried, comprised of ingredients like fennel, cilantro and kale, made me want to toss my cookies more than the cheesy endings of most romantic comedies when I first sipped it. However, I actually began to crave the aforementioned fennel juice when I tried the parsley, kale, ginger, lime juice. My gag reflux was triggered as it never has been before while trying to chug that one.

See how excited I am for juice number 1?

I felt like the playground bully torturing myself via the forced consumption of juices resembling aquarium algae while simultaneously preparing some of the most aromatic food imaginable for the hotel guests. By day two, it got so extreme that the cartoon food in the coloring book of a girl I was babysitting made me salivate like a wild beast. Not only has this cleanse altered my sense of taste, but it has honed my sense of smell as well. The radius at which my olfactory glands can detect the scents wafting from restaurant kitchens has increased tenfold. I can now smell a good Chana Masala cooking from a mile away.

The lid literally looks like algae

Never in my life had my mind been so far “off of my mat” (as yoga people say) as when my instructor used the word “marinate” not one, but three times during tonight’s class.. First of all, I find it odd that the day I happen to get the yoga instructor who uses food-related verbs out of context is the last day of my juice cleanse. Not fair, universe! I always thought marinating only applied to fish, chicken and the occasional block of tofu, but apparently it can apply to yogis (aka, those who practice yoga) too. The first time she used it was to say “just lay and marinate in your good intentions.” This instantly caused my thoughts to run amok, thinking of the delicious salmon marinade I made last week. Then I tried to figure out how a “good intention” marinade would taste. Would it be spicy? Sweet? A little bit of both like sweet and sour soup? On that note…YUM, sweet and sour soup!

The most torturous part of these food-free days was stepping into a food court where smells of my favorite foods ambushed me from all sides. There was the chicken curry from the Indian place poised and ready to attack, and the three Thai curry warriors, Red, Panang and Green, who pounced on me the second I walked through the door. Those are evil entrees when you are fasting, showing absolutely no mercy!

I make it sound like juice cleanses are torture. That is obviously not the case, since I subject myself to them about once a year. In fact, I find them entertaining. I think my noticing of the instructor’s use of “marinate” and my observation every time I hear the crinkling of a food wrapper are absolutely absurd.