Texting in Theaters- It's What's Next!

I read a full-page article today which informed me that many of the prominent panelists in the movie theater business (I didn't know that they had panelists at all), have decided that they want to allow patrons to text message during screenings. The first thing that popped into my head was a view which I am not alone in holding: that it would be the worst idea ever.

These oh-so-ellusive "panelists" claimed that it is simply a matter of generational differences- teenagers today cannot be parted from their dear technology, and attempting to ban them from the use of their cell phones would provoke anarchy. I mean... how DARE we even think about asking people to not send their friends a play-by-play of every scene in the movie? Can you imagine how tragic it would be if Teen A were not allowed to inform Teen B via text about the sexiness of Channing Tatum in his most recent role??

Shockingly, I feel that it IS appropriate to ask movie-goers, no matter what generation they belong to, to silence their phones and tuck them in a discreet location of their choice for approximately an hour and a half to two hours. The aforementioned panelists sharing their views in the article argued that allowing teenagers to use their phones in the theater would encourage them to spend the average $10-12 to go to the theater, but I do not see how the case. For me, I wonder why anyone would spend that kind of money if they are not going to enjoy the spectacle to the fullest. Awkwardly, the article only discussed allowing teens to use their cell phones- not adults or children. What is the cut off for texting in a theater in their eyes? I mean, 18 is technically still a "teen" number, but it is an age holding all the privelages of an adult in this country.

OMG Channing totally just showed his butt!

The Avengers Need Not Be Avenged

The Avengers is not worthy of placement on a pedestal, nor does it belong on any lists of the best cinematic masterpieces of all time. It cannot be placed on the other end of the spectrum, either- it is nothing atrocious nor any sort of slap in the face to film or comic book lovers. It is safe to say that all audiences will find redeeming qualities in the story (or, I suppose I should say stories), characters and visuals. However, that does not imply that parents should bring their 2-year-old children to see it, as was the case in the theater in which I was seated, desperately attempting to focus on the screen amid their terrified cries, which were justifiable given their age. "PG-13" can be up to certain discression, but pretty sure there is general agreement that a PG-13 audience should not include 2-year-olds.

Anyways, back to my point. I was substantially entertained by the story, but on that same note feel that for audiences aside from those who avidly read Marvel comics or who, like me, took courses on Norse Mythology in college, the story surrounding the multitude of superheroes could get a bit murky. There are allusions to Norse gods Loki and Thor and their relationship as well as their mythological home of Asgard. In retrospect, the presentation of this information was portrayed clearly enough, but I feel that my background paved the way for a much better understanding.

Personally, I have not seen Captain America nor Thor, and I have not read the comic books pertaining to Black Widow (Scarlett Johansson) or Hawkeye, so I was completely in the dark about their histories. Captain America's past was explained well in the movie, but I am still scratching my head about the other two. Granted, the running time for the film was plenty long at 2 hours and 22 minutes, so any more explanation would probably have made my butt numb from sitting for too long and given me restless leg syndrome. If a goal of the lack of clarity surrounding the members of The Avengers was to make me want to see the other films, then goal achieved.

I have heard criticisms that there were not enough fighting scenes. Perhaps this ties in as well with the need to regurgitate a lot of information like a mother bird regurgitating worms, but I thought there was a sufficient amount of action. Granted, some of it was filmed at extremely strange and nauseating angles (for instance, at one point the camera filming Scarlett kicking some guy's butt is completely upside-down) which I do not think added any value.

Overall, I dub The Avengers good entertainment, though somewhat of a head-scratcher except for die hard comic book fans. Also, if you have really young kids, please think twice about bringing them to a PG-13 movie. You will end up pissing off everyone else in the audience, and likely having to leave when your kid gets freaked out and starts crying. Can't say the MPAA didn't warn you,

Life Lessons

Today, more life lessons wiggled their way into my brain than would have while reading one of Aesop's fables. I will now be passing on my newfound knowledge to you, my dear readers.

1) Complain about bad experiences
My loyal readers will recall a post written awhile back about my anger following an atrocious experience with the customer service of Orbitz. After writing a strongly worded letter to their complaints department, I recieved an e-mail from them informing me that they were deeply sorry for my inconvenience and would be providing me with a 50 dollar voucher to use for any of their services in the future. Woo!

2) Open letters even if they seem like spam
I had closed my account with a certain bank a couple of months ago, and thus assumed that the letter from them which arrived in the mail today was one of those credit card offers which are more obnoxious than the small world song. However, I opened it anyways and to my joy was informed by the paper inclosed that a transfer from an old eBay purchase had been added to my old account. I went to the bank and was handed a lovely wad of cash.

3) Don't be afraid to do a little haggling
There was a dress I wanted from a store, and it had a stain on it which I knew I could remove, but I decided to ask the cashier if she would generously give me a discount because of it. She said yes, and I got it for 10% off!

This is not a life lesson, but just something cool that happened- my Starbucks card was not working on their machine so they gave me my drink for free!

Oh France, What Are We Gonna Do With You?

There are two ends to the workaholic spectrum. One end represents ultimate laziness- the only creatures which could be located there are sloths and koalas; the latter of which sleep 22 hours a night on average and spend the other two eating. Not that I am bashing that- I mean, who doesn't envy a life where they have the ability to either nap or stuff their face? The other end of the spectrum is home to robots and other sorts of machinery that work 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and do not even pause to recharge their robot batteries or sit down for a meal with their robot families.

Now, as with any spectrum, there is a healthy medium which is found, well, in the middle (doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that one out). In my oh-so-humble opinion, a good portion of China's workers are located much closer towards the robot end than the koala end, which is far from doctor-recommended. However, I am more keen to discuss the Europeans at this moment, whose economic woes are plastered on the pages of every newspaper, and who seem to be edging further towards the koala/sloth end of the spectrum every day.

The employment benefits of many Europeans are the envy of all, including six-week paid vacations and the ability to retire in your early 60s. In Spain, employees often head out for a 30 minute breakfast immediately upon arrival at work, and then take an extended lunch period during the middle of their shift. The threat to this leisurely, stress-free way of life brought about from the economic crisis raging throughout the continent was was perhaps the main factor influencing the outcomes of the Greek and French elections. Throughout his presidency, Sarkozy was attempting to change policies that France can no longer afford- a step in the right direction which the people seemed unwilling to acknowledge last Sunday.

I just can't help but wonder how it is that Francois Hollande plans to keep both of his promises which seem impossible to coincide. He has told the French people that he will simultaneously curb deficits and expand welfare benefits, reduce the retirement age and hire more teachers. As noted in the Chicago Tribune today, "it's tempting to demand that things go back as they were when times were good. But that's not an option. Both France and Greece have been living far beyond their means, and they have run up hard against the inevitable limits of that approach".

At least Germany seems to be edging slightly in a more sensible direction and is not willing to accept monetary easing. I'm pretty sure it is not a coincidence that they have one of the strongest economies in Europe. I guess we will see how things go...

Bison for Sale

When you work in a place with a substantial amount of customers flitting in and out the doors, there are bound to be a few oddballs in the mix. However, the woman whom I am about to describe was not just an oddball. What she was, in fact, surpasses the ability of any adjective, try as it might, to describe.

My boss doled out a warning to my co-worker and I upon our arrival that there was a woman sitting in the corner who had slept outside the building and was now wandering around sparking very unwanted conversations with customers and interrupting conversations which had already sparked. He told us that she would likely try to talk to us as well, and would "speak to us all day if we let her". I could never have imagined the degree to which rang true.

The first rant of the crazy lady:
I swear that this woman had a sixth sense. The second there was a lull in business, she pounced from her seat in the corner and was at the counter, ready to impose on us her ideas in regards to, well, everything. The first of these many, many ideas which I was lucky enough to hear about was apparently planted in her brain from an ad she saw in the morning paper. It was an advertisement announcing "buffalo for sale", and she proceeded to drain fifteen minutes of my life filling me in on her desire to purchase those buffalo and start a farm. But do I know what she would do with the farm?, she asked. In retrospect, I should have said "yes" and walked away, but this was my first encounter with Crazy Lady, and I did not know any better. So after responding that no, I had no idea what her intentions and aspirations for her buffalo farm were, she told me that she wanted to use the buffalo to educate children about the majesty of the creatures. Okay, she does not sound too absurd yet. Then she showed me the ad, which was (if you haven't guessed it yet), for buffalo meat. She asked me if I knew what the numbers meant (the weights of the meat cuts one can purchase). Perhaps it was the measurements of the buffalos? And isn't it nice, she asked, that they are grain-fed? That must mean they are nice and healthy- perfect for displaying their majesty to the children.

The second rant of the crazy lady:
This one I will summarize briefly- she expressed her deep anger at the fact that "Bulgarian immigrants can recieve educational grants for 10,000 dollars when she is much more intelligent but has never been given a grant". Fascinating mental gems, no?

The third and most simultaneously frightening and entertaining rant:
For this one, you will need a bit of background information. There is a photographer, Tim, who displays and sells his pictures in the coffee shop. This weekend, he hosted a father-daughter art event, and his business cards were available around the store to those who wished to contact him. The most seasoned psychic could never have seen what was coming when Crazy Lady obtained one of the aforementioned business cards. She brought the card which displays some of Tim's photos up to the counter with ire in her eyes and informed us that one of the photos on the card was HERS and STOLEN by the photogropher! How dare he! We nodded and tried to brush off her insane comments, but they just got worse. She was convinced that the photographer was her long lost brother and was tracking her every move by bugging her cell phone, thus sabotaging her once prominent photography career. She would be calling her "brother" tomorrow to express that she would no longer STAND for this! I can only imagine the look of horror on his face if we told him this story.

I got to work at 8, and left at 1, and she was there the whole time, and likely long after. As horrific as it was at the time, at least it gave me something to write about.

Pirates Worthy of the High Seas

Perhaps the most appealing aspect of the claymation film Pirates! Band of Misfits is its originality. Finally- a "kid's" movie which is not the sequel of a sequel (*ahem* Ice Age series...) or just a re-release of a Disney classic in 3D (because they need to make money somehow). All I can say is thank God for this film- the story is refreshingly clever and, just to sound like a broken record, original, and all I can say about it visually is that every frame is like dessert for your eyes. Claymation in itself is a practice to be admired and absolutely lovely to take in. Some of my favorite images were the portrayal of wine sloshing around in glasses, the scene where baking soda and vinegar combines on a massive scale (you will have to see it to understand that one) and the appearance of the ocean.

Although yes, Pirates! is technically a children's film, the visuals and the bountiful jokes clearly aimed at adults make it pleasurable for all audiences. I did not see the film in 3D and do not think it needs to be seen as anything other than the classic 2D. The visuals were so stunning on their own that they did not need any sort of embellishment from the addition of another dimmension.

Pirates! Band of Misfits has a story busting with humanity and humor and I highly recommend it!

The Reason for the Economy in Shambles

Today, I officially discovered the reason behind all of our economic turmoil. There is one evil culprit which led to the economic wounds from which we are only slightly beginning to heal. You can't peg this one on terrorists, any other country in the world or consumers getting bitten by the frugal bug. The culprit is *drum roll*... self check-out lanes.

Yes! I am a genius. No one saw that coming. But when I was in King Soopers buying groceries today, it became oh so clear that all of our economic woes can be blamed on these machines which I am determined are out to take over the world. They must be stopped!

Sure, they seem so convenient for our D.I.Y-obsessed society. They allow consumers to avoid making awkward small talk with cashiers and baggers. They allow us to check that every item is being rung up properly, and allow us to bag our own groceries placing eggs (well, not in my case now that I am trying this vegan thing) where they won't break and bread where it will not be smooshed.

But then look at the other side of the argument- what are these machines turning us into? Socially inept slaves. When we meander to the self check lane, we are putting ourselves up to doing the job of not just one but two people. We make ourselves a bagger and a checker all at once without seeing a dime when pay day rolls around. And as far as chatting it up with the store employees, we should be so lucky that we are forced to do so. What better practice in socializing, and the stories that they tell are just as priceless as your personal grocery-bagging job. So think about it... what is this world coming to?

But I am just as guilty as everyone else- I kind of love the self check lane...

Have you ever seen someone so happy to have slavery self-inflicted upon them? I sure haven't.