There are a lot of unpleasant things one can wake up to in the morning. You can wake up to find that you're out of coffee. You can wake up to your least favorite form of weather dominating the outside world. Or, in my case this morning, you can wake up to find a golden silk orb spider the size of your palm dangling from your ceiling. Such a pleasant name for such a horrible creature. This experience has taught me that there is a progression of emotions that come with such a grotesque discovery. The first emotion? Sheer, undiluted terror. Panic spread throughout my being, and I honestly thought I was going to cry. After the panic was hopelessness. I felt unable to leave my loft, and honestly considered letting the spider take over my apartment.
UPDATE: Shelob lived! She is now outside, enjoying the world!
Next came a little fleeting moment of bravery. It's just a spider, I decided, I could take him out with a swift whack of my floor duster (like a Swiffer. I don't own a broom big enough to take down the intimidating arachnid). That feeling didn't last long, as I approached my formidable opponent and it began to seem larger and larger. Then I started my scheming, trying to concoct a plan to destroy my enemy via bug spray or throwing a large object. Of course, with the latter, I could miss entirely and cause an angry spider to fall on my head. Not ideal.
After the brief feeling of bravery, acceptance overcame me. I mean, honestly, the spider wasn't bothering me. This particular variety just hangs out in one place basically all of the time. So, I decided to just deal with having a new roommate. I named her Shelob, and she is a pretty good roommate. She only did creepy spider things once while I was out on a run and immediately stopped when I returned. She is a very stay-in-her-corner kind of gal. We are currently working out rent negotiations. It will be prorated, of course, because I arranged to have her killed in less than an hour. Should've picked a different lair, Shelob, should've picked a different lair....
UPDATE: Shelob lived! She is now outside, enjoying the world!
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