When I heard Christmas carol following Christmas carol this
morning on the “all Christmas music (oh wait, I mean HOLIDAY music) all the
time” station, I noticed how antiquated and, let’s face it, politically
incorrect the lyrics are at this point. I mean, if “the wish of Barney and Bim”
(first of all, who names their kid Bim? Oh wait, I just looked it up and it is actually Ben. Never mind.) is to have a “pistol that shoots,”
well, it’s probably going to be tough luck for them. It will be this
pistol-less Christmas that kills their magical belief in Santa Claus.
In the song "Up on the Rooftop", "little Nell,"one of the children waiting for Santa, wants a doll that can open and shut its eyes. Wow. No kid today has that basic of demands from the jolly man in red. In this technology-dominated day in age, the doll better be opening and shutting its eyes as the bare minimum. If those lyrics were updated to refer to the modern kiddo, they would be asking for a robotic dolly that convincingly imitates the real thing. Dolls that can talk and go for a walk, the hope of Janice and Jan (where are these names coming from??), seem a little more realistic.
At least the dolls in "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" toddle and coo. This brings me to another irritating aspect of Christmas song lyrics. "Toddle" and "coo"? Who is using these words? I have never heard them uttered in someone's daily diction. On another grammatical note, only during the holiday season can the word “mistletoeing” ever be accepted as a verb without grammarians rolling over in their graves. Any other time of year, using "mistletoeing" could get you shot on sight by the literary police (they are a violent bunch).
I did not realize until this moment how many girls in Christmas carols want dolls. Janice, Jan, little Nell... I can't imagine their modern feminist counterparts are too happy with this blatant stereotype.
Not just the children have strange demands in Christmas songs. Asking to "bring us figgy pudding" comprises two entire verses in "We Wish You a Merry Christmas." That constitutes a pretty strong desire to chow down some figgy pudding, which last time I checked is no longer a marketable staple in holiday cuisine.
Okay, okay- I realize I am getting a bit nitpicky about something as basic as Christmas lyrics. But when you hear different versions of the same songs over and over, you tend to have far too much time to reflect on their content. So much time, in fact, that there may come a part two to this blog.
At least the dolls in "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" toddle and coo. This brings me to another irritating aspect of Christmas song lyrics. "Toddle" and "coo"? Who is using these words? I have never heard them uttered in someone's daily diction. On another grammatical note, only during the holiday season can the word “mistletoeing” ever be accepted as a verb without grammarians rolling over in their graves. Any other time of year, using "mistletoeing" could get you shot on sight by the literary police (they are a violent bunch).
I did not realize until this moment how many girls in Christmas carols want dolls. Janice, Jan, little Nell... I can't imagine their modern feminist counterparts are too happy with this blatant stereotype.
Not just the children have strange demands in Christmas songs. Asking to "bring us figgy pudding" comprises two entire verses in "We Wish You a Merry Christmas." That constitutes a pretty strong desire to chow down some figgy pudding, which last time I checked is no longer a marketable staple in holiday cuisine.
Okay, okay- I realize I am getting a bit nitpicky about something as basic as Christmas lyrics. But when you hear different versions of the same songs over and over, you tend to have far too much time to reflect on their content. So much time, in fact, that there may come a part two to this blog.
 |
| Seems a bit more realistic as a modern girl's Santa request |
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