The Stains in Spain

Blame it on the economy, for it is almost certainly the culprit responsible for reducing the amount of street and sidewalk cleaning in Madrid. When I was here two years ago, men and women yielding hoses and washing away the days' residue frequented all parts of the city. Now, it is not so.

Aside from millions of people, Madrid is home to a plethora of pigeons and an increasing number of terriers constantly accompanying their owners. A large percentage of Madrid's population are young people meandering along the streets during the wee hours of the night in a place where public restrooms are scarce. Madrid citizens walk the aforementioned dogs up and down the sidewalks thanks to a lack of enough parks. I'm sure this is something that you all love to consider, but where do you think everyone is, to put it eloquently, taking care of their business? I think that question answers itself. Just some nice food for thought.

Speaking of food, (nice segway, Marisa) I have been pleasantly surprised at how easy it is to not only be vegetarian, but vegan. Even in the short span of two years that I have been extracted from this country, the ease at finding food suited for more diverse dietary lifestyles has increased tenfold. The slightest breeze could have knocked me over when I saw that "leche de almendras" (almond milk) was available at the hotel breakfast as well as soy milk.

Anyhow, I am off to lunch, more updates to come!

And the Journey Begins...

I see plenty of laptop users here in the Starbucks in the Newark international airport which is an indication that there are plenty of people willing to hunker down and pay for the wifi. I, however, am not one or the aforementioned individuals, thus I am currently storing away my newly formed thoughts into the Evernote iPad app until a later time. If I don't, there is a good chance that they will be lost forever when replaced by thoughts that out date them. 

Boarding my flight to Newark almost induced an aneurism or a panic attack as I was in the last boarding group meaning by the time they got to lowly ol' me, they had run out of overhead bin space. Upon informing me that I would have to check my carry on, I responded with a declaration that if they were to throw my bag onto the conveyor, I would be accompanying it. They took pity and allowed my bag to fly in the practically empty first class bins. I felt like jack on the titanic as I was greeted with judgmental stares from the first class royalty for daring to traipse on their turf, though briefly. I felt more accepted upon reentry into 'steerage', and envious that my bag got to fly first class while I sat in the horrifically angled United coach seats. Seriously, only when those seats are put all the way back are they in an anatomically acceptable position.

The flight to Spain was incident free. My satisfaction was far exceeded with the vegan meal that I requested prior to flying. First of all, I was served before everybody else, much to the dismay of my seat neighbors. Second of all, it was high quality vegan food! A quinoa salad, a tasty curry dish complimented with basmati rice, a roll with margarine and the best part of all, a vegan chocolate chip cookie! 

I finally got to see an episode of Game of Thrones which has been recommended to me on multiple occasions, and all that happened was I ended up confused since the only episode available was one from season 2 and it is one of those shows you need to follow chronologically. 

Upon arriving in Spain, I was greeted by resurfacing memories around every corner. The route of the metro came fleeting back into my mind almost instantly. One memory which I had suppressed, however, was the lack of escalators not only in Spain, but in Europe altogether. It is not too pleasant getting off of an international flight and lugging a bag up too many stairs to count.

When you spend too much time with crochety old ladies...

First of all, let me forewarn you- if you are planning to see Bernie and are not familiar with the true story on which it is based, you may not want to read this post. I do not want to provoke my readers to form an angry mob which will be provoked to form a pitchfork and torch bearing mob to show up at my doorstep because I spoiled a movie plot for them. So, consider yourselves warned. Maybe I should make you all sign a waiver. Anyways, as I was saying before my disclaimer which interrupted myself, if you spend time with crotchety old ladies, you will likely shoot one with an Armadillo gun.

Don't worry- if you see the movie, you will understand what's that means. Prior to screening the film, all I knew about this Jack Black flick was just that- Jack Black was in it. I had also pursued some reviews and saw that it fared better than many others that I could choose to spend 8.75 to see. Considering that I was completely in the dark as to what to expect and was clueless as to the true story of Bernie Tiede in Carthage, Texas, I was pleasantly surprised. Bernie is entertaining, induces the audience to laugh out loud, and shares a provoking and true human interest story with a wider range of people. All of the acting was fantastic, especially Jack Black in the lead role. For a quick summary, Bernie is about a Carthage citizen who was one of those jolly, charming people that everyone likes. He was an assistant funeral director, active in his parish, and a much-needed friend to those whose husbands had died. One lady with whom he spent a good deal of time after losing his husband led Bernie to his demise. Though he seemed like a completely stable person, her cruelty eventually provoked him to lose his sanity and kill her. Yet the audience still feels like they are on his side because we were never on hers.

Ye Olde Continuation

The Renaissance Festival is truly successful in extracting the inner child from every visitor. I couldn't count the number of grown women dressed as fairies adorned with floral crowns and glitter, nor the number of people of all ages partaking in the jousting ride. Whether you are collecting action figures or social security, a trip to Larkspur during a summer weekend will be an unforgettable one.

The food was the only disappointment for me, but it was nothing other than what ought to be expected of festival food. As described in my previous post, that included putting everything on a stick and dunking it in a deep "fryer" (not to be confused with Friar). However, I assumed I was safe from clogging my arteries when I selected the portabella mushroom sandwhich. WRONG assumption, Marisa. That thing was swimming in grease like a toddler in the deep end of a pool. Nasty.

One highlight of the day (among many) was the series of jousts. Due to a few late risers in our group, we arrived too late to see part one. However, parts two and three were easy enough to follow on their own. In part two, Sir William and Sir Rodrick partake in some friendly jousting which goes sour when Rodrick decides to cheat. This pisses off William to no end, thus he decides the only way to make up for Rodrick's slap in the face to chivalry is to have a joust to the death at the end of the day. A sort of medieval form of "to be continued". The third and final joust, was the icing on the cake, and even incorporated some elements of pop culture from the movie Avengers. It was a hilarious and subtle injection of comedy into the theatrics and much to the audience's liking.

I left covered in the dust of Larspur and a bit of a sunburn on a patch of skin that was somehow deprived during my sunscreen application which I had thought was meticulous. Yet the smile on my face and the memories incurred cancel out dusty and sunburned any day.

Ye Olde Blogge Poste

I learned today at the Renaissance Festival just how poorly versed I am in old English. My best defense to combat my lack of knowledge was to add "ye olde" in front of everything. It would have been substantially easier if I were writing in old English, in which case you simply have to spell things in ways that do not make any sense to us 21st century folk. For example, spelling "shop" like "shoppe" and "fried" like "fryed". The fact that I would have any need at all to spell "fried" in a Renaissance context seems a bit strange. Yet with ye olde fryed pickles, fryed macaroni and cheese on a stick and sweet potato fryes (did they even have sweet potatoes back then?) intermigling with steak on a stake and frozen cheesecake on a stick (hm yes, very much from the Renaissance), it seemed to be the most common word appearing on ye olde shoppe signs.

Aside from my inability to use old English, I also managed to piss off PETA. Well, they would be pissed if they knew about my doings today. How, you may ask? Let me count the ways...

1) I rode an elephant- I believe that using any animal as a mode of transportation at all is frowned upon by these animal loving extremists, and perhaps the fact that an elephant is somewhat exotic makes it worse. I am not too on the up and up with PETA's opinions on which, if any animal is ok to ride and which are the least acceptable to use in lieu of cars.

2) I rode a camel- I think that using two animals as modes of transportation in one day qualifies as some sort of mega offense in the eyes of PETA. Come on, think of all the gas I kept out of the atmosphere while riding those animals!

3) I observed a show featuring a leopard, an ocelot, a black leopard, a leopard cub and a white tiger performing on stage. PETA would probably send out a group of assassins to take me down while I sleep if they found out that I witnessed that and even enjoyed seeing those lovely cats.

In the defense of the festival, I can attest that the animals were all treated kindly. There were elephants who would take shifts giving rides and then get a shift to rest. They were given hay the entire time they were in the arena.

The camels had the same situation. One resting while one took a short shift giving rides.

I did feel pretty bad for the cats. Their trainer essentially treated them like house pets and they just did not seem to have the best enclosure area going on...

PART TWO of Renaissance Fair 2012 recap to appear in a fort night! And by that I mean most likely tomorrow...

Whiny Citizens Need a Nanny State

Wah, wah, wah. Americans are always whining like little children. And, who does one hire to take care of whiny children? A nanny. So, perhaps the nickname of "The Nanny State" for New York is fitting and well-deserved by her whiny citizens who are, clearly, acting like children. Wah, we can't have our 44 ounce sodas in movie theaters and restaurants! Boo hoo. I guess it is easier for me to say than for others since I grew up in a soda-free household, so I have never once in my life desired the stuff (thank you, Mom and Dad). But even for those who do crave a refreshing Coke every now and then, I cannot think of a single circumstance where 44 ounces of it would be a necessity.

I think Americans complaining about mayor Bloomberg's proposal to ban the sale of sugary beverages more than 16 ounces in certain venues need to take a step back and look at the current status of our nation's overall health. Obesity is just getting worse and starting in younger and younger kids. So instead of saying that this regulation is a horrendous idea, I think that Bloomberg should be congratulated for taking a step in the right direction and attempting to get his state to wield a weapon and start combating obestity and diabetes. I say, GO BLOOMBERG!

If you don't want a nanny, then don't act like a child. It is as simple as that.

Cameron Diaz's Biceps and a Messy Story Line

These two elements essentially sum up the movie What to Expect When You're Expecting. I am not sure what my expectations were of yet another film based on a book that has no story. Previous offenders include He's Just Not That Into You. The case with Expecting, however, differs in that the plot fell flat on its face with hardly any redeeming qualities.

The trailer did exactly what it was supposed to and made me want to see the movie. I learned during the screening that every funny moment was contained in this minute-long teaser (because in all honesty that is about the length of time that the compiled comedic moments made up). The movie follows the paths of multiple couples who are all planning on becoming parents either by adoption or natural means. Every single one of these couples irritated me in one or more ways.

Cameron Diaz's character was hard to follow less so because her personality had no positive qualities and more because of Diaz's current physical appearance. A bi-product of holding the title "Derek Jeter's girlfriend" (and therefore workout buddy), her overly-toned body now is borderline to the point of screaming "I'm on steroids". Her new body builder look completely overshadowed her character's story and provided far too much distraction- like, theres a baby in there??

Worse yet were the completely unnecessary characters played by Anna Kendrick and Chace Crawford. I truly wracked my brain in hopes of an idea to surface informing me why their couple was necessary. I came up dry. I guess if their purpose was to annoy me and the audience incessantly, then goal achieved. Here's the gist of their sub-plot: girl and guy who once liked each other in highschool had some sort of uninteresting falling out. They both went into the culinary industry and have those trucks that serve unique foods along busy pedestrain areas. At one point the pretty boy makes his move and of course little miss Kendrick wound up little miss preggers.

More on my movie bashing  later!