Whoever invented those little pull tabs to open orange juice
and other boxed beverages must have been trying to think of the best way to
piss off every single human being who ever needs to open one in the morning. Morning
Marisa, whether she is in the form of an excited, refreshed and charming girl
following a restful sleep or an evil, scary creature that barely slept a wink,
has a Hulk-like transformation when she finds an unopened half-and-half or
orange juice carton at work. I am glad that no one has witnessed this side of
me- I cannot think of a single more irritating and irrational piece of plastic
in existence. There are only a couple of options when you stick your finger in
the little plastic ring in a desperate attempt to pull the whole plastic seal out.
First, which is my personal favorite (I hope you detect the sarcasm), the
plastic tab could break off, making it a project that would stump a rocket
scientist to open it. I usually become so frustrated, already sweaty, muscly,
green and donning furrowed eyebrows, that I jab a steak knife through the
plastic and swivel it around until I can get the juice out. The second option,
which is ever so slightly better, is that the tab actually comes out in one
piece, but doing this causes way more pain than is necessary to your finger
wrapped around the plastic ring. Then the force of the removal of the tab
causes the entire carton to shake, often spilling at least some of its contents
on whoever just opened it.
I guess those tabs have one use- make them into jewelry |
...Or as a garden label |
So to all of the companies who use the pull-tab on their
products (ahem, Tropicana, Silk and Horizon dairy to name a few…) please
realize that doing this makes me never want to buy your product. I get that you
want to make sure it is safely sealed for the safety of the consumer and blah,
blah, blah, but why not just cover the spout under the lid with some foil or
easy to remove plastic? Key phrase: easy to remove. Not like the safety seals
on the vast majority of vitamins and supplements. You know to what I am
referring, I hope- those circular plastic coverings under the lids with a
plastic semi-circle that you are supposed to pull and it will theoretically
pull the whole seal off in one fell swoop, which we all know is never the case.
Yeah, we all know how easy THESE are to open... |
My arch nemesis |
Product flaws and obnoxious commercials are the greatest deterrents
for me when it comes to deciding against products. I will keep this ranting
blog as short as possible, but there are a couple of ads that I simply must
name. The first is for Blue Bell Ice Cream. If you have not heard this
commercial on the radio, I truly envy you, but you must listen at least once to
understand what I mean. Please click HERE.
The other commercial I
cannot stand is the one for At The Beach tanning salon. It features this weird,
anorexic looking chick with a voice so low and drone-like that you assume she
is a post-op transvestite or a really convincing cross dresser.
Last but not
least, almost all commercials that feature excessive sound effects, someone
yelling at me to take advantage of this “once-in-a-lifetime” deal, or repeating
phone numbers 20 times more than would ever be necessary. Good job, commercial-
you succeeded at making me instantly change the radio station or TV channel.
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