My Recent Breakup

Alright, boys n' girls- I am breaking up with Bell Pepper. After much deliberation, I have decided to put an end to my abusive relationship with the obnoxious vegetable once and for all. I have spent far too much time trying to love something I simply did not, and that was not fair neither to me nor bell peppers. Now that I am free from Bell Pepper's repressive hold, I can freely speak my mind. The vegetable is needy, clingy, high-maintenance- however you want to phrase it. Every recipe it sneaks its way into requires that it "have its seeds removed and de-membraned". Gross. I hereby declare that no one should eat things with membranes. Okay wait, I guess my new-found pepper hatred is directed only towards sweet bell peppers, jalapenos and other hot peppers are exceptions. I will continue occasionally dating the spicy peppers despite my being disgusted by their membranes- at least they have something to offer in the relationship.

Just the sight of these makes me gag

Don't worry, Hot Peppers- we can still go out

Yes, I'm sorry to disappoint our adoring fans, but this celebrity couple, Marisa and Bell Pepper, are truly through. Caput. Terminado. Past the point of no return. Insert cliche phrase pertaining to a relationship's end here. Bell Pepper may as well go buy a pint or two of Ben & Jerry's and scarf it down while listening to Bonnie Raitt's "I Can't Make You Love Me" and watching Bridget Jones' Diary (or some emotional drama screening on Oxygen). It can try to win back my affections by changing colors but to no avail. I don't care about the vibrant yellow of your skin, Bell Pepper! I know you still taste just as nasty as your green version in my salad, and I have no intention of dedicating one second to removing your membrane. That is repulsive.

It is time I dedicate my efforts to my other relationships with vegetables. Beet, my underrated lover, craves my attention and I plan to make our love a priority. Same goes for Brussels Sprouts and Kale. Kale and I used to spend every waking moment together and I admit that I have been slacking on my end of the relationship. I'm so sorry, my abused veggie loves! I should never have tried so hard to love Bell Pepper!